sick of it Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 so theres this girl...im finally attracted to another girl. she was in a class of mine last year. always thought she was cute but never vtried anything because i was in a very serious relationship. a few months ago she was at a small get together. we were all drinking wine and talking and i struck up a small conversation with her. nothing huge, flirting a little, being friendly. i would catch her looking at me throughout the night but never got her number. i hadnt seen her for a few weeks when she passed me on campus. i had been thinking about her a lot (because i wish i had gotten her number or something)...i didnt notice her pass me but she called out my name and said hello! i was so happy. every one in a while shell pass me by and always give a smile and a wave. i want to talk to her, ask her to coffee, get to know her but i dont know anything about her. i dont know if she has a BF. whats the best way to go about this. i may see her tonight! (ive tried to be in the places she is).
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 i want to talk to her, ask her to coffee, get to know her but i dont know anything about her. i dont know if she has a BF. whats the best way to go about this. i may see her tonight! (ive tried to be in the places she is). The point of asking her out to coffee is that you can get to know her better. You can just assume she doesn't have a boyfriend and ask her to hang out. If she does have one, I'm sure she'll let you know. It sounds like you're already really tense about this situation though. I suggest you just take it easy and realize that if she turns out to have a boyfriend or is otherwise uninterested, remember that there are lots more cute girls out there for you to pursue. MD
Author sick of it Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 i am tense about this. maybe not tense...nervous...uncomfortable. i was dumped 10 months ago by my GF of 5.5 yrs for someone else. it was a horrible breakup and i went through a really dark time...darker than i ever thought i could go through... needless to say this is the first girl ive looked at in 6 years. i dont really know how to "play the game" so i dont know what to do or how to proceed.
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 i am tense about this. maybe not tense...nervous...uncomfortable. i was dumped 10 months ago by my GF of 5.5 yrs for someone else. it was a horrible breakup and i went through a really dark time...darker than i ever thought i could go through... needless to say this is the first girl ive looked at in 6 years. i dont really know how to "play the game" so i dont know what to do or how to proceed. There's only a "game" if you want there to be. Getting a date is actually pretty damn simple. You talk to a girl that interests you a little and build rapport. If there's some good interaction there (and it sounds like there is between you two), you just ask her out. Next time you see her just say, "So what are your plans for this weekend?" As long as she's not out of town or something, just ask her, "Oh that's cool. You want to hang out on Saturday?" You should be able to tell right then and there based on her reaction whether she's interested or not. If she says anything but yes, it's a no (unless she says no but offers you another day you two could hang out.) So for example if she says something like, "We'll see" or "I might be busy," then take it as a no and move on. If she's interested, she'll hang out with you if she can help it. Good luck. MD
PlentyLV007 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 There's only a "game" if you want there to be. Getting a date is actually pretty damn simple. MD THANK GOD!!!! Finally someone who also feels it's simple!!! It is.....just believe in yourself and have confidence. That's it....
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 THANK GOD!!!! Finally someone who also feels it's simple!!! It is.....just believe in yourself and have confidence. That's it.... Asking out a girl isn't brain surgery, that's for sure. I think people make it so much harder than it has to be. They look into every little thing and obsess about it. Guys worry, "What if she has a boyfriend? What if she thinks I'm a tool?" Well what if you are being a tool by not asking the damn girl out! MD
PlentyLV007 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Seriously...the biggest challenge I have ist to tell my crush...OMG...I said "crush"....or actually ask my crush out...here is the thing...he works at the bank, and I don't even know his name. I've only talked about transactions with him... I just never got the courage to ask him out ...till this day.... I'm very forward and never have a problem asking guys or talking to guys or approaching a guy that I'm interested in. For some reason I don't have enought courage with this guy... I see him and I get the bubbles in my tummy.... I know right now I'm sounding pretty dumb since I'm saying it's easy to ask someone out...it is...I'm just being silly wit this one guy....
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Just write him a note that says the following when you go there next time: "Do you do any 'transactions' after business hours? Call me. 555-5555." He'll either think you're awesome or psycho but either way it will be good fun. MD
Author sick of it Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 ok...and please understand where im coming from....ive had 1 gf who i thought i was going to be with forever. ive never done this before so its no surprise that im not 100% confident. my issue is that i dont know if i may seem like a random guy asking someone out...i dont ever do that. thats all im saying. its the uncertainty. ive never had to approach someone like this before and its a big step for me...i want to make sure i do it with as much class and sureness as possible.
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 ok...and please understand where im coming from....ive had 1 gf who i thought i was going to be with forever. ive never done this before so its no surprise that im not 100% confident. my issue is that i dont know if i may seem like a random guy asking someone out...i dont ever do that. thats all im saying. its the uncertainty. ive never had to approach someone like this before and its a big step for me...i want to make sure i do it with as much class and sureness as possible. See that's the problem. You're so worried about coming off as a creepy guy to her that you'd almost rather not ask her out. Seriously if aren't a tool about it saying stuff like, "Hey baby, the after party's at my body," she won't think you're a creep. And if you ask her nicely and she still thinks you're a creep, then so what? You haven't lost anything in the end. MD
PlentyLV007 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 EXACTLY...Mad Dog knows....I'm telling you...if I was a guy...I'd be like MD...no doubt.... Just go into it thinking....I have nothing to loose and everything to gain!!!! =)
PlentyLV007 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 "Do you do any 'transactions' after business hours? Call me. 555-5555." He'll either think you're awesome or psycho but either way it will be good fun. MD Okay...if I write him a note...he'll think I'm trying to high jack the bank!!! Okay but that line...MD...CLASSIC...I think I just might do it....
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Okay...if I write him a note...he'll think I'm trying to high jack the bank!!! Okay but that line...MD...CLASSIC...I think I just might do it.... Seriously do it. I know that if I were working a boring job like being a human ATM machine, it'd be awesome if a hot girl gave me her digits. Hell some super young high school chick gave me her digits once while I was working a boring job and I thought it was awesome (although I didn't call her for fear of being thrown in jail--I was maybe 20 or 21 at the time and she couldn't have been older than 16). Now that I think of it, I should have held on to that number and just called her 5 years down the line or something. She was pretty cute and could have ended up being a real hottie by now. Damn. MD
PlentyLV007 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I think I will....tomorrow....before I come to work...I'll just happen to stop by the bank.....
country gal Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 So how'd it go? Well for what its worth, if its not too late.... these cats are right, its a lot easier than we tend to make it. and games are only games if you choose to play. not everyone plays (remember that!) and things are much smoother when you dont. anyway, i digress.... so just relax with this chick, take it slow.... and dont mention your ex yet. i say that b/c you've mentioned that breakup a few times and it could take a date (or potential date) in a bad direction.... and besides it'll all come out eventually. Good luck!
Author sick of it Posted March 10, 2006 Author Posted March 10, 2006 i didnt see her last night...which stinks because i was ready to talk to her. its spring break this week so she probably went home for the week. the crappy part is that that i dont know when ill see her for sure. so i always have to be ready for it. i could look up her email or phone number from the campus directory...but that seems to weird to do. oh well...ill have to wait a few weeks i guess.
country gal Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 i wouldnt look her up unless you were sure that she is very interested in you which it sounds like you are unsure at this point. just have some patience and then next time you see her, grab the opportunity to invite her for a coffee or something.... why do you think it'll be so long before you see her?
Author sick of it Posted March 10, 2006 Author Posted March 10, 2006 i only see her certain days while class is in session. its spring break this week so there is no class. i wont be on campus which is where she lives (she probably went home for the week)
country gal Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 well, i wouldnt worry, thats not that long. so now you can use that time to build up your confidence in yourself! hang in there friend!
noclobber Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 MadDog and PlentyLV007, Your posts were really wonderful. I cudn't agree more with MadDog's theory of "its only a game if you want it to". Dating has got to be simple and free of the bs. I do have a question for you guys. How exactly would you make sure that going out with a girl is a real date as opposed to 'going out as friends' or 'just hanging out' because we like each others' company?? Last year I happened to talk with a girl and it looked like she really liked me. She asked me for lunch and I agreed. Then we started to go to the movies, games, concerts etc. and hung out a lot. Nearly two months later I saw her talking with her LDR boyfriend on the phone. I felt like someone had slapped me so hard on my face! I felt like an ass for not making sure that she didn't have a boyfriend. But the problem was she talked about her girlfriends and her male friends but she never ever mentioned that she was in a relationship. I really don't know whose mistake it was.
ms_jnj Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 ok...and please understand where im coming from....ive had 1 gf who i thought i was going to be with forever. ive never done this before so its no surprise that im not 100% confident. my issue is that i dont know if i may seem like a random guy asking someone out...i dont ever do that. thats all im saying. its the uncertainty. ive never had to approach someone like this before and its a big step for me...i want to make sure i do it with as much class and sureness as possible. It's ok to be not so confident at this point! I too have faily recently gotten out of a long term (5 year) relationship. People that haven't been there don't quite understand...it really shakes your confidence when you get burned by someone you have loved for so long. After going through such a thing there is no way to be laid back about dating again at first. Of course it is going to make you nervous --that is perfectly normal! You will probably be just fine, but I just wanted to let you know that I think it is quite normal to be feeling the way you do and that I too know that you can't just suck it up and be cool, calm and collected after what you've been through. You'll learn though and each time will get easier. Good luck!
MadDog Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I do have a question for you guys. How exactly would you make sure that going out with a girl is a real date as opposed to 'going out as friends' or 'just hanging out' because we like each others' company?? Last year I happened to talk with a girl and it looked like she really liked me. She asked me for lunch and I agreed. Then we started to go to the movies, games, concerts etc. and hung out a lot. Nearly two months later I saw her talking with her LDR boyfriend on the phone. I felt like someone had slapped me so hard on my face! I felt like an ass for not making sure that she didn't have a boyfriend. But the problem was she talked about her girlfriends and her male friends but she never ever mentioned that she was in a relationship. I really don't know whose mistake it was. Did you make any kind of move while "dating" this girl for 2 months? I mean normally, when you ask a girl out and she says yes, it's kind of assumed that she doesn't have a boyfriend. Are you sure she wasn't in an open relationship or something? I don't see why she'd go out of her way to ask you to hang out and never mention a boyfriend to you if she wasn't trying to get with you. Something just doesn't add up. But to answer your question, the way you avoid repeating the same situation is to make some moves. When you pick her up for that first date, tell her how hot she looks. Flirt with her throughout the night, try to touch (not grope) her when you can. If you can tell she's into you, go for a kiss. In fact, if you don't do any of these things for several dates, she might think you're not into her. MD
noclobber Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Did you make any kind of move while "dating" this girl for 2 months? I mean normally, when you ask a girl out and she says yes, it's kind of assumed that she doesn't have a boyfriend. Are you sure she wasn't in an open relationship or something? I don't see why she'd go out of her way to ask you to hang out and never mention a boyfriend to you if she wasn't trying to get with you. Something just doesn't add up. But to answer your question, the way you avoid repeating the same situation is to make some moves. When you pick her up for that first date, tell her how hot she looks. Flirt with her throughout the night, try to touch (not grope) her when you can. If you can tell she's into you, go for a kiss. In fact, if you don't do any of these things for several dates, she might think you're not into her. MD Well when she first asked me for lunch I really didn't feel anything but I agreed and had lunch with her. When we met for the second time for lunch I gave her a compliment about her eyes and she said thanks. On the same day I got her phone number too. Couple of days later we went for dinner for the first time. When she got into the car I said "somebody is looking cute in jeans" and she said "please don't say that.... i am your friend". I didn't know why she said that and was confused. I am from India and I do not have much dating experience. If I was an experienced person I would have understood that she likes me only as friends and would have walked away from her after that. But I was naive and thought that she likes me as a friend but with time she may develop feelings. I continued to hang out with her and after nearly 2 months one night I saw her talking with somebody on the cell phone. When I asked who it was she said "Oh with my boyfriend in Philly". I felt soooooooo shocked and so bad. That night was very very painful. I didn't know whether it was my mistake that I didn't ask her or whether it was her mistake that she never talked about that guy to me. I later learnt that they both were in an "on again, off again" relationship. To this day I don't know why she never mentioned about her boyfriend. I feel like such an idiot!
MadDog Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Couple of days later we went for dinner for the first time. When she got into the car I said "somebody is looking cute in jeans" and she said "please don't say that.... i am your friend". That's when you should have known she wasn't interested in dating you. If you're dating a girl or at least on the way to dating, she's not going to ask you to stop when you compliment her. She's going to smile and say thanks or maybe give you a compliment back. She even said, "I am your friend." That basically means, "Please don't cross the friendship line." I was naive and thought that she likes me as a friend but with time she may develop feelings. Let me tell you, the worst thing you can do is hang around a girl that's not interested in you and be her friend hoping that she'll eventually develop feelings for you. It's not like it never happens but in a vast majority of cases, it doesn't. It's cool if you remain friends with her as long as you don't start falling for her and are actively dating other girls at the same time. Otherwise it's just better to stay away. I continued to hang out with her and after nearly 2 months one night I saw her talking with somebody on the cell phone. When I asked who it was she said "Oh with my boyfriend in Philly". I felt soooooooo shocked and so bad. That night was very very painful. I didn't know whether it was my mistake that I didn't ask her or whether it was her mistake that she never talked about that guy to me. I later learnt that they both were in an "on again, off again" relationship. To this day I don't know why she never mentioned about her boyfriend. I feel like such an idiot! It was your mistake because you didn't pick up on the whole "please don't say that, I'm your friend" line. I don't know for sure why she never mentioned her boyfriend. I can think of 2 likely reasons though: 1. It just never came up (maybe they were "off" while you two were hanging out) 2. She could tell you had a little crush on her but she wanted you as a friend. She knew that bringing up she had a boyfriend would scare you off so she decided not to bring it up. So I want you to take away 2 lessons from this experience: 1. When trying to date a girl, make some kind of move early to feel out how she feels about you 2. Don't ever hang around a girl and "be her friend" when you're hoping the whole time that she'll develop feelings for you Good luck man. MD
Author sick of it Posted March 24, 2006 Author Posted March 24, 2006 i saw her again last night. i looked up and she was standing a few feet away talking with some friends. my heart literally jumped. she looked so adorable. i had that rush of acid flow to my stomach. i instantly got nervous....it felt great:) as she started walking by, i said hi and she gave me an enthusiatic hello back. but she was with some friends who were walking away. see stopped to talk to me, then looked at her firends and started walking towards them, then came back to me....it was comical, like she was debating what to do. i told her its ok...go ahead. she said she was sorry and had to go. i just need a chance!!!!! just to get to know her a little bit better. should i just have my number ready when i think i may see her and just hand it to her?
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