luvtoto Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I watched a movie last night called Prime. It's about a 37 yr divorcee that is now dating a 23 yr old guy. It was a pretty good movie and it made me even cry in the end. The movie has Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep in it. I don't know if you like the chic flics, but it was similar to your situation...seems like. I am sure you might get something out of it.
riobikini Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 RE: Jerbear: " Riobikini, you're hot! " (Smiling) Jerbear, you are just kind. But, -thank you. (Smile, again) -Rio
michelangelo Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 she may have it going on now at 40, but when you are 40 she'll be 60. When she is 70 you'll be 50. Are you sure that the sexual chemistry will still be there? These ladies who tell you all about movie stars having it going on are mistaken as to how things will be for you. You want to give up women your own age, a whole set of life experiences for someone so out of your age group that your experiences are removed by two generations? Like I say, think about it. As in think about it over the long haul, not the next year, the next few years, decades sir, decades.
Author TiredandWorkinghard Posted March 11, 2006 Author Posted March 11, 2006 Why does every relationship have to be about sex? Is that all everything anyone ever thinks about? How good a person looks in a dress or a bathing suit. I think that as a culture people have grown to go more for looks than for the actual person, to hell with what is going on inside their brain. Well thats not me. I love the person that she is on the inside and as to world experiences, yes, I am lacking. But is it not better to experience those with someone you love? I made a trip to LA over the summer spent two weeks wandering in and out of stores and talking to random people. It was great, but the one thing I had wished during my entire time there was that someone was there to experience it with me. Furthermore I think that companionship and intimacy is way more important than sex any day of the week.
michelangelo Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Then see if that is what you want. I f you do, then go for it.
Raven1845 Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 she may have it going on now at 40, but when you are 40 she'll be 60. When she is 70 you'll be 50. Are you sure that the sexual chemistry will still be there? These ladies who tell you all about movie stars having it going on are mistaken as to how things will be for you. You want to give up women your own age, a whole set of life experiences for someone so out of your age group that your experiences are removed by two generations? Like I say, think about it. As in think about it over the long haul, not the next year, the next few years, decades sir, decades. I look as good as ANY movie star, and so do MANY women. So the "stars" don't really have anything on anyone. I only mention them as examples of people who are "known." You can't really tell him that it won't be that way for him when you don't know him or the woman he loves. Most importantly again . . . How many times must it be said? Love should not be about looks.
michelangelo Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 However, to ignore the unequal nature of a relationship that has such a huge age difference is ignoring reality. This man is only 21 for gosh sakes. What if at age 35 he realizes he wanted to have a baby? His own, with the woman he love? Oops, she's 55! What if he's only 30 and she is going through the change? Hmm? What if she is plain sick of hearing about bands she's never heard of? Or he doesn't want to watch PBS shows of oldies bands? Or she is bored to tears about partying with his friends? I've framed the questioning in sexual terms because it is the most obvious and easy to relate to but I am sure some of you can extrapolate. Deny it is possible or true does a disservice.
jerbear Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I also suggest "The Graduate?" It is not just about sex. I'm happy that you started to pur your financial house in order and that you know what you want. companionship over sex. Sex increases the bonds, I figured that one out very quickly. In a relationship it requires at least two people, she is thinking about your future and her's. yes she is falling for you and trying to move on. Yes you do not want kids at 21. Are you really sure you don't want kids? I have friends, male & female, when I was a teen, twenty something and now thiry something that didn't want kids; guess what? After having 1, they now want more! You are starting you career at 21 while she is near her career plateau. 2 stages away is a little far. Her reasons could be as lame as "I have white hair". She may even act funny as in promise to not cross the line, be friends, etc... guess what; front/mask to hide the hurt and confidence issues. Her self-confidence could be an issue; you being a younger man MAY oneday seek a younger woman compared to her. An older man may do similar things. Everyone will age regardless; even with cosmetic surgery and Botulinum Toxin. She is being realistic about you first and foremost. She knows that there are issues with age, life stage, etc... She wants you to be happy and realises that it might not happen for you if you are with her. Just some insights to what I have experienced and sharing what I encountered. I'm in the same boat but I'm 30 and she is 40. Have you two spoken to each other since?
Guest Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 Maybe you're right..maybe she's trying to put up defenses so she can't get "too attatched" or "hurt" or be "too vulnerable" maybe that's very well true but she may choose to be that way for the next 5 years or rest of her life. I agree with whomever said to grit your teeth and move on. You guys had a good run while it lasted but not all relationships end in forever after partnerships it may be hard but you have to just accept that. I think it's great that you were so assertive and did what you could to make her feel special that's wonderful and you'll make another woman in the future very happy..however I hope you weren't bordering on kissing her behind? The quickest way too turn a woman off and have her put you in the friends mode (also key for I love you but I am not in love with you) is to be "nice" to the point of full fledged or borderline butt kissing. If that was the case here just don't repeat it in the future. It'll be hard but this is all natural part of life my friend!
Author TiredandWorkinghard Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 Well we have recently been in contact and we spoke at length about our relationship and how i was perfect but that she just wasnt IN LOVE which from her experience should be felt after about 3 months. I accept that not all relationships are a fairytale romance. but at least we can remain friends. I think that we will have a great lasting friendship. maybe even more meaningful than our romantic one. we might get back togeter but I certainly wont hold my breath.
newbby Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 i think it is very difficult to remain friends directly after a breakup. especially if you are very in love with her. at first it is a relief that you are not completely out of the persons life, but usually if you a very honest with yourself, you will see that the relief comes from a small sense of hope that theres an opening there for a rekindling of the relationship. also trust of the other person tends to disintegrate. it seems that you keep talking to her about your relationship, she has already given you answers. you ask more questions because you are unsure of her answers, perhaps? this may not be the case with you, but it is usually the case. how would you really feel if she was with somebody else, AND in love with them? would your friendship still be the same? my advise: if you want friendship, get over her first, and then begin again as friends only.
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