electric_sheep Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I fell crazy in love for only the second time in my life last October. Perhaps you know the feeling ? It's like you are glowing where ever and what ever you are doing. Even when you are not with the other person, just thinking about them gives you such a feeling of well being, almost like a palpable warmth inside. I believe falling in love like this requires everything to be just right ... your environment, your outlook on life, the object of your admiration, etc ... All the pieces need to fit together perfectly to create this miraculous feeling. This sort of romantic love is nothing if not obsessive and idealistic. It is also fickle and fragile. Like spotting a rare bird, it is random, fortuitous, and only fleeting. In fact, researchers in Italy say this type of love only lasts one year at most. I think for some people finding romantic love is almost like finding Jesus. It is a religious experience. Having always been agnostic, I am very familiar with that vague and gnawing lack of absolutes in my life. Romantic love seems so beautiful in it's clarity and it's absoluteness. I think I was seeking some sort of salvation through this feeling of love. It is nice to think that we are not so alone. It is nice to have purpose and meaning in ones life. It is nice to have something certain in your life. Of course, this kind of idealism will never last. My girlfriend has expressed views and done things that are outside the boundaries I have for this kind of love. Incredibly, after getting really angry and confronting her about some things, I've noticed that "feeling" just seems gone. Is it possible for it to be so fickle ? Can a couple of misunderstanding and fights really do it in for good ? It's been a week or two, and though I still care about her greatly (even love her if you will), that crazy in love feeling of comfort and warmth seems to have subsided. I feel as though practicality and realism have come crashing down on me, and I get depressed thinking that giddy happiness I felt just a couple of weeks ago could be gone forever. Once again I'm cynical about the idea of soulmates and "everlasting" love. Suddenly I realized that we are all just human, that we will f*ck up and make mistakes, and that there are no gaurantees. Nothing will necessarily last forever. I feel as though I am alone again. Does that feeling ever come back ? Just once I would like to have that feeling slowely fade into the more mellow but lasting "real" love. I guess I should just be happy I felt it at all ... even if for just a few months. Just for the interested: I never would have thought about romantic love this much before, but now that it seems my feelings have changed, I decided to google on it and see if it was just all in my head or what. Looks like others have felt it too ... what a surprise ! Passionate and companionate love: Passionate love is an intense state of longing for union with another. It has three components: 1) cognitive - intrusive preoccupation with the person, idealization of that person, and desire to know the person; 2) Emotional - Attraction/Sexual attraction, positive and negative feelings, longing for reciprocity, desire for union, physiological arousal; and 3) Behavioral - Actions to determine the other's feelings, studying the person, service to the person, maintaining physical closeness. Companionate love is the affection that we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined. (Hatfield; Berscheid and Walster, 1974). Think you might be "in love", a.k.a "romantic love" ? Check out these signs/symptoms:
BeFree Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 It will happen. When you find the right person you will feel that passionate love turn into a reel lasting love. As you grow closer and spend more time with one another your love will actually grow more instead of less. It is the most amazing thing ever.
Author electric_sheep Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Perhaps this girl is still "the one", and I am just in a slump. I feel like a drug addict who has been suddenly cut off. Maybe my ideas about love were too narrow ? However, you can't exactly control things like feelings and the heart. I wonder if some good therapuetic sex (making love) might be in order ? It's amazing how much good this can do sometimes. Don't underestimate the power of hormones, pheromones, smells, tastes, and touch. They can come in handy in times of need. At the same time, I don't think it's fair to put such high expectations on someone. It's probably impossible (or at least unhealthy) to find meaning or purpose through someone else. I just feel rattled. You know how comforting it is to feel such certainty ? To have my "faith" shaken like this is like being tossed into the sea again, after having already spent so long there just floating aimlessly. I guess we all want something as heroic, certain, and comforting as "true" love in our lives. To have even the slightest doubts appear is saddening. I want to be giddy. I want my amore to be giddy too.
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I want to be giddy. I want my amore to be giddy too. Have you ever been drunk? High? The feeling wears off because your little receptor cells get exhausted, and the little hormone pumps and chemical messengers get overloaded. It makes perfect sense to me. You can't stay high forever. I've tried, believe me. To have an expectation otherwise is unrealistic, IMO.
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 My experience has been that those crazy feelings (I call it the "dopamine storm") normally ends right around the time the girl starts doing stuff that kinda sucks (e.g. acts jealous, unreasonable, etc.) I wonder if I met a girl who I found to literally be 100% cool, which is nearly impossible probably, would the storm then last a lot longer? I've yet to have that happen but will let you know. For me those feelings normally last a couple months. MD
riobikini Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 And we think it's strange that certain habits and other 'little' things that were certainly there all along, -begin to annoy, and even infuriate us as the 'high' wears off. Hmmmmm.... -Rio
Author electric_sheep Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 The dopamine storm started on October 1, 2005, and it more or less ended on Feb. 13, 2006. How is that for definitive dates ? So that was about a 4 1/2 month long chemical storm. What an amazing thing to happen to me right out of the blue like that ! I hope it happens again some day. And you are correct MadDog, it ended because of 2 or 3 rather unpleasant things back to back. You are also correct Roibikini, a lot of her hitherto "quaint" habits are suddenly becoming annoying habits. And that's just my side of things ! Hopefully this is just a slump. All relationships have up and downs. It just saddens me, thinking that dopamine storm had to so quickly go away due to relationship BS. Just once I'd like to have it slowely fade. The sex is never the same after that storm dies down either ... damn it. Just the fact I'm using the word sex is rather insiteful ... it's the first time I've used the word in a few months. Whew. Relationships are a bitch, arn't they ?
riobikini Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 ES, Here's an LS thread link called 'The Physiology Of Love Emotions' that might be helpful to you, about right now. -Rio Click the link below: The Physiology Of Love Emotions http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80308/
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