emmaUK Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 hello, has anyone else experience a problem like this or does anyone have any ideas of how to sort this out. thank u: i am 25 my BF is 19 (shock horror) we have been together about 8 months, he lives with his mum and step dad on the other side of london and it takes an hour and half - 2 hours 2 get here. since we have been together, 98% of weekends he has come here on a frida night after work or saturday morning and he stays till either sunday night or monday morning and occasionally he will come over on a tuesday or wednesday night. it has always been easier for him to come here as i have a 2 year old daughter and also i have my own place and he has more money then me - so it kind of makes sense. over the course of time - i have gradually begun to realsie that his mum does not like me at all, she sais i have never even bothered to try and get to know her and also my Bf is really stressed with his work but she wont beleive its his work and thinks i am the 1 making him depsessed. she sais i nevre ring the house phone to say hello, i have free call from my mobile to his to ive always just called his mobile as i dont have alot of money. but the more n more i hear about things she has said about me - the more n more i dont want to try and talk to her coz i know she hates me. i never go over there at all becasue i dont just want to go in her house if she doesnt invite me and she doesnt invite me. my Bf said that if i ring her now - with the way she feels about me, its likely a full blown argument will kick off. my BF also said he heard her slagging me off to his step dad one evening and quite often that he has big argumenty with his mum over me coz she tell me he's better off with out me and he shouldnt keep running over to my place every weekend i think one reason why i was a little distant from the start is coz my Bf told me that his mum didnt like his ex so his ex rarly went over to his house think that made me feel like i was on test right from the beggining and the 2 times i did go over there, i was very very quiet n shy becasue i was worried abouit saying the wrong thing. i hate the fact my BF's mum dont like me, its horrible. i wish there was something i could say or do 2 make it ok, becaue i am not a bad person at all and i would never do anything to hurt her son purpously. she is quite a hard nosed woman so i feel its gonna be a tuff challenge. anyone got any ideas about how to crack this one???? i will be gratefull to hear from any1. thank you emma
bluechocolate Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 but the more n more i hear about things she has said about me my Bf said that if i ring her now - with the way she feels about me, its likely a full blown argument will kick off. my BF also said he heard her slagging me off to his step dad one evening..... ------------------------------------------- I think your b/friend has a big mouth which he should learn to keep shut. He has done just as much damage to your possible relationship with her as she apparently has! Tell him to stop tattling about bad things his mother says about you. Ultimately this is his problem, not yours. You are not going out with his mother. She doesn't have to like you & you do not have to like her.
catgirl1927 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Never date someone still living with their parents. Too immature.
Jools Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Never date someone still living with their parents. Too immature. Thats a bit harsh. I'm 25 like emma and am seeing a 20 y/o who lives with her parents. Although it does bring some extra obstacles to the table sometimes, just because someone still lives at home doesn't make them too immature to have a relationship with. Some people leave home at 16 whilst others might leave at 25 for financial reasons? Just because the 16 y/o has left home, are they more mature than the 25 y/o? I don't think so. An Emma, i'm not sure what to say but i think it is important that you attempt to bridge the gap with your b/f's mum. It wouldn't be a quick thing but in time you might be able to get on better. Maybe find out what interests her and take an interest? Maybe not tomorrow, as you say if you spoke it might result in a big argument, let things calm down, ask your b/f to stop telling u every time she says something negative (as it will only serve to get your back up about her) and when things calm down, try and approach the situation again with caution. Possibly try and meet her in a social occasion where there will be plenty of other people, that way it might be less likely that she will want to start an argument? Just try and be nice and if she still has a problem and is not nice towards you, then you have to wonder, is she just natural a b*tch?
catgirl1927 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I think that people who never leave home miss out on a lot of experiences that I think are important to a person's development. It's very important in my opinion that people learn to be financially independent and shoulder the responsibility of living on their own. I think it's very important for people to know they can make it on their own, it's important for self esteem. Especially when you're talking about women who move straight from daddy's house to husband's house, they think they HAVE to have a man to take care of them and will tolerate abuses they shouldn't because their self esteem is low. Plus they're not really grown ups. IMO, of course. It is harsh, but my life is pretty harsh, so my views are harsh. I really don't mean to offend.
Jools Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 No offence caused. However i think you are making a vast over generalisation just because someone hasn't left home by a certain age. People shouldn't be written off just because of their circumstances. If this was the case then where does it stop? Don't date people who live in the wrong neighbourhood? Don't date people with certain jobs? Don't date people with kids etc? Although not right for everyone, certain circumstances like still living at home, doesn't matter to many people.
catgirl1927 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I never mentioned age, though. I just said someone out on their maybe shouldn't date someone who still lives at home, because they are in very different places and have different priorities. There are certain people we all wouldn't date because of their circumstances. After my divorce I learned there are a LOT of people who won't date divorced people. I would probably not date someone with a child because that's not something I am comfortable with. I know that about myself. Might I miss out on a great guy? Hell yes I might. But that's something that I know I can't deal with, so I stay away from that. In general. There are only rules so there can be exceptions. But we all have standards. I don't date people without a college education. I don't date people who don't have a job. I don't date people who do drugs (regularly). I don't date people who think it's ok to have sex with other people. See what I'm saying?
catgirl1927 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 It's also important to realize that I'm not talking about you, or saying that you are doing something wrong. People look for different things in relationships, there are apparently a vast majority of men who prefer a woman who needs them and don't like independent women. That's ok, that's why there are all different kinds of people.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 i have gradually begun to realsie that his mum does not like me at all, she sais i have never even bothered to try and get to know her and also my Bf is really stressed with his work but she wont beleive its his work and thinks i am the 1 making him depsessed. she sais i nevre ring the house phone to say hello, i have free call from my mobile to his to ive always just called his mobile as i dont have alot of money. but the more n more i hear about things she has said about me - the more n more i dont want to try and talk to her coz i know she hates me. i never go over there at all becasue i dont just want to go in her house if she doesnt invite me and she doesnt invite me. Oh boy... here we go... another oh so wonderful Mommy Dearest story... god. Looks like to me at least Mommy Dearest needs to grow the *beep* up and show some respect. You haven't done anything wrong - unless she thinks you're *robbing the cradle* - and her saying that you don't ring the house to just say hello is just *beep*... a whiny excuse indeed. There is much more than just that going on, I can assure you. The fact that she is taking shots at you behind your back reveals plenty about her character - she does sound like a b!tch - and, damn right, why would you even WANT to talk to her anyway now that you know the truth? Sorry, BC, but I do not agree. I think the BF was right in telling Emma what his *Mummy Dearest* has been saying... hell, I would want to know if my GFs family had any *beef* with me.
bluechocolate Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Sorry, BC, but I do not agree. I think the BF was right in telling Emma what his *Mummy Dearest* has been saying... hell, I would want to know if my GFs family had any *beef* with me. No problem, disagree all you like. I just think that if there is to be any chance of Mom & g/friend getting along then b/friend has to stop poisoning the well. She said it herself, the more n more i hear about things she has said about me - the more n more i dont want to try and talk to her coz i know she hates me. I'm sure that thousands of parents 'tolerate' in-laws & partners & vice-versa, & treat them with civility when in reality they can't stand each other. In her place I would say something like, "I don't want to hear bad things about me that your mother says. It makes me feel rotten & damages our relationship. You deal with her in your way & let your mother & I deal with each other in ours." Who knows? That way they might actually come to an amicable truce in time. I suppose I would want to know if someone had a *beef* with me, but only if it was legitimate. He should be putting his mother in her place, though granted that must be a difficult thing to do when he's living at home.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 No problem, disagree all you like. I just think that if there is to be any chance of Mom & g/friend getting along then b/friend has to stop poisoning the well. No, the only one who is *poisoning the well* is Mummy. She's the one who started in in the first place. He should be putting his mother in her place, though granted that must be a difficult thing to do when he's living at home. Yes, he should, but he shouldn't have to. Mummy needs to grow up and stop acting like a nut. She needs to allow her son to make his own decisions about who he wants to be with and she needs to accept his choice. I left home cuz Mommy Dearest had that noose too tightly wrapped around my neck. I just said *beep* you and off I went. Haven't looked back since. That *controlling* garbage doesn't work... trust me.
Guest Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Hey Blue chocolate, I've been reading about your probelms you had this time last year and I believe I may be going through the same thing right now. The thread stopped at June 05 and I really wanted to know how you are now and whether you have managed to stop. Sorry to take over this thread but I just wanted to get old of you. Please carry on with the thread from where you left off. x
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