lovernotafighter Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 So, if it's so wonderful, how come you're not together? because though our love affair is in fact selfish..we are truely not selfish people and know for us to be happy together we will hurt alot of people in the process.. this convo comes up between us every week...we are perfect for each other,there is no doubts in our minds..but children being the biggest factor..they didn't ask to be brought in to this world..we don't want to drag them threw messy divorces.
curly Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 I did not mean to bash. If that's the way it came across, then I apologize. It just peeves me that the OP is so obviously not telling the truth and is mascarading (sorry for spelling error) as something else. Owl - nice to hear from you again. Not to highjack the thread but I'm appreciative that you've continued to stick with us. Thank you. Hope things within your M are good and getting better everyday. XXOOXX to all LSers!
Sasperilla Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 because though our love affair is in fact selfish..we are truely not selfish people and know for us to be happy together we will hurt alot of people in the process.. this convo comes up between us every week...we are perfect for each other,there is no doubts in our minds..but children being the biggest factor..they didn't ask to be brought in to this world..we don't want to drag them threw messy divorces. Well I hope it all works out the way you've planned. From what I've seen on these boards, it usually comes out at some point and then there are a helluva lot of people getting hurt.
lovernotafighter Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Well I hope it all works out the way you've planned. From what I've seen on these boards, it usually comes out at some point and then there are a helluva lot of people getting hurt. thank you. I know you are correct.I just wrote on another thread my MM has brought up divorce many times..and I'm the one lately having to tell him this is something we can't do..I don't have kids but he does and I can't have him breaking up his marrige over this. I know the right thing to is to let go,but our A has a strangle hold over us...I truelly hope we can find a way so no one ends up hurt...I'll take the pain if I can spare everyone else.
Guest Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Precisely Scarlet Letter The original poster sounds like yet another of the people who post their views here with no personal experience of what is often a very complex situation................. everyone always wants to think THEIR situation is oh so different and oh so complex. What a crock. Every affair is like every other affair. Two people who want what they want and don't give a flying f*ck about anyone else.
No Stress Lady Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 everyone always wants to think THEIR situation is oh so different and oh so complex. What a crock. Every affair is like every other affair. Two people who want what they want and don't give a flying f*ck about anyone else. Gee why are all these "guests" so reluctant to sign up properly? The OP sounds exactly like a BS - and so do you "guest". Every situation IS different. Do you not understand some of the reasons why affairs happen in the first place??? Do we live in a perfect world where every marriage is blissfully happy? I think not. Check out these posts from MM whose wives seem to see them simply as ATMs for example: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=83965
Blind Illusion Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I wish you could all understand that MM see you, the OW, nothing but a side dish. I know this sounds harsh, but it is the truth. Its not so much the harshness that I object to, it's the over-generalization. There are two 'truth's at play here: 1) No two relationships are alike. Someone might be in it for the sex, another, for the emotional support and so forth. Most people are not one-dimensional so it's usually a combination of things. 2) Relationships for the most part, are symbiotic in nature. Both people derive something from it. In your terminology, I guess I would view the MM I am seeing as an EMOTIONAL SIDE DISH sometimes, & a SEXUAL ONE at other times. Then there is the friendship side when I listen attentively to what went wrong at work or with his children and genuinely care because it affects him. That's something that works both ways. It has for 6 years now. Sometimes, when you have many different side dishes going on at once, it can almost be considered a feast, no? I'm not suggesting that there aren't problems...I am merely pointing out that relationships aren't always as cut and dry as you suggest.
bullhunter Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 everyone always wants to think THEIR situation is oh so different and oh so complex. What a crock. Every affair is like every other affair. Two people who want what they want and don't give a flying f*ck about anyone else. I was this poster - I was a MM - and yes I was a selfish pr*ck. The OW was too. I also agree the OP is probably a BS - it doesn't make what she/he said less true, just less palatable to people who want to believe that their situation is too complex and special for the rest of us mortals to understand. MM are totally selfish. OW are totally selfish.
No Stress Lady Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I was this poster - I was a MM - and yes I was a selfish pr*ck. The OW was too. I also agree the OP is probably a BS - it doesn't make what she/he said less true, just less palatable to people who want to believe that their situation is too complex and special for the rest of us mortals to understand. MM are totally selfish. OW are totally selfish. So what led you to have an affair Bullhunter? Just curious......
bullhunter Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 So what led you to have an affair Bullhunter? Just curious...... Anger, stupidity, depression and a very sneaky woman.
For You I Will Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 I try to post.. & its not working.. I replied to u bullhunter... but I dont think LS is accepting my posts????
erika2610 Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 I try to post.. & its not working.. I replied to u bullhunter... but I dont think LS is accepting my posts???? I can see this post, so apparently they are accepting your posts..
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I try to post.. & its not working.. I replied to u bullhunter... but I dont think LS is accepting my posts???? You may have to register your account. Right now you're an unconfirmed member. Also, there may be a period of time when the mods read and check the posts from newer members, so that is probably why your posts aren't showing up as fast as they should.
lovernotafighter Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Anger, stupidity, depression and a very sneaky woman.your affair must have been incredibly unrewarding. why is that?
bullhunter Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 your affair must have been incredibly unrewarding. why is that? It was an affair. It was just based on lies. There's no reward in that. I hurt my wife. We both came close to committing suicide over my stupidity - yes, I'd say it was incrediby unrewarding.
lovernotafighter Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 It was an affair. It was just based on lies. There's no reward in that. I hurt my wife. We both came close to committing suicide over my stupidity - yes, I'd say it was incrediby unrewarding. no definatly no reward in that...how did your wife find out? did you tell her?
bullhunter Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 no definatly no reward in that...how did your wife find out? did you tell her? yes - the lies had to stop. I love her.
My_Other_I Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 This post is started by a betrayed spouse. It all sounds too familiar! I hope that your beliefs are right in your situation, but obviously you are not so sure if you have to come here.
My_Other_I Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 yes - the lies had to stop. I love her. In a way, right?! Whatever. Not all MM are selfish, and not all OW are selfish. Sometimes you meet someone who you can be happy with while you are married. Yes, the consequences are tough on everyone, but you cannot say that everyone is selfish. I'm not trying to defend my actions. My reasons were totally selfish. But I see other situations where people found the one they can be happy with. Just because you were selfish and your misstress was selfish, doesn't mean that it applies to all situations. Just because that's your opinion and life doesn't mean that it's the same for everyone else. I get pissy when I see those generalizations. Gee. My life is my life, and your life is your life. It's different. Mine does not equal yours. Ever. Ever heard of critical thinking?
bullhunter Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 In a way, right?! Whatever. Not all MM are selfish, and not all OW are selfish. Sometimes you meet someone who you can be happy with while you are married. Yes, the consequences are tough on everyone, but you cannot say that everyone is selfish. Every MM and every OW is selfish. If they weren't selfish they wouldn't be having an affair. But I see other situations where people found the one they can be happy with. Well this sounds to me like the definition of selfish. If the MM and OW are truly in love, then the MM (or MW) should divorce their spouse so that the spouse can also move on with their life. The OW (or OW) is also selfish. They know and choose to have an affair with a person who still has a commitment to someone else. Just because you were selfish and your misstress was selfish, doesn't mean that it applies to all situations. Just because that's your opinion and life doesn't mean that it's the same for everyone else. I get pissy when I see those generalizations. Gee. My life is my life, and your life is your life. It's different. Mine does not equal yours. Ever. No, it doesn't apply to all situations. I can think of one, possibly two situations where it doesn't apply. However, in the vast majority of situations an affair is a completely selfish act by two people with no consideration of the 3rd (or possibly 4th) individual involved. I am NOT saying that a married person should never get divorced. I am saying that if a person is married that person should get out of the marriage BEFORE (not after, BEFORE) having a relationship with another person. To not do that is selfish. Ever heard of critical thinking? Critical thinking is a method of determining how you are ingesting data, it is not intended to alter methods of speech or writing. If I say, for example, that I love my wife, critical thinking would enable a person reading that statement to know that it does not mean that every action I have ever made towards her was loving.
No Stress Lady Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80469/ Eeeeuwwwww
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 BullHunter, You are obviously a very bright guy - albeit an immature one. It is not going to help you resolve your anger problem if you cannot see your role in the affair with the OW, which is what contributed to any and all of your marital distress. I agree with you that OWs and OMs are selfish people, myself included. We have our priorities screwed up. I am generally a GIVER, but like you, I reached a point of such resentment toward my husband that I wanted to have an affair, just for revenge. And I am living with the guilt and shame right now. I think that we should use this forum to learn OUR MISTAKES and change OURSELVES FOR THE BETTER. I can see that you are on the road to recovery as well, but you still have a lot of displaced anger. The OW was not at fault for falling for you. YOU were the monster of all MM's because you intentionally took advantage of her love and trust in you -- just so that you could make your wife angrier?? Why you are such a mean person is the million dollar question that you must ask yourself. Good luck.
bullhunter Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 My anger, stupidity and depression led me to take a course of action that hurt a number of people, myself included. You have assumed that I take no responsibility for that. You couldn't be more wrong. I have, however, watched, read, listened - however you'd like to describe - the women on this forum. Most (not all, but most) consistently and constantly blame the man for everything. What I did to the OW was bad. What I did to my wife was bad. What I did to myself was bad. What the women here don't want to see is that what the OW did was bad. I had NEVER had an intention of being unfaithful to my wife. I loved her. I was angry with her. (By the way, your assertion that I wanted to make my wife angry/angrier is incorrect. At the time, I didn't ever want her to know.) I never had the intention of our e-mail being anything other than e-mail between two friends. ALL movement toward changing that direction originated with her. She KNEW I was married. She KNEW I was committed. I never spoke against my wife, I never implied in any way that I was interested in her in a romatic way until SHE started telling me how she loved me and wanted me, had loved me from the first she saw me, and how I'd be happier with her, how I should dump my wife who didn't appreciate me. None of those words came from me. They came from her. After she did that I led her on. I led her on because I felt she had led me on. She had led me to believe that she was a friend, but she wasn't, and never had intended to be one. She made very clear that her original intention in asking me to write her was because she WANTED to break up my marriage at a time when I was depressed, in pain and as a result, vulnerable. YOU were the monster of all MM's because you intentionally took advantage of her love and trust in you You can believe whatever you want to believe here. I frankly don't care. I believe that she was a monster, and I stand be that belief. I know it makes you uncomfortable, but I'm sorry, that won't change my opinion. Still, I regret what I did. It should not have happened.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I have, however, watched, read, listened - however you'd like to describe - the women on this forum. Most (not all, but most) consistently and constantly blame the man for everything. What the women here don't want to see is that what the OW did was bad. These women blame their MMs... NOT YOU! Besides, they had a bad experience with the affair and they wanted to vent. This is a forum for the OW, afterall. I can see how many of them have brought on the pain themselves. They went in knowing that the men they are seeing are already married and expect something else. Yes, I agree that these women need help... or a "life lesson". Still, I think what you did was very mean. Simply ignoring her advances, or even telling her point blank what she meant to you would have sufficed. I can see that you have also paid dearly for the "lesson" that was meant for the OW. So did you learn anything from it??? I never had the intention of our e-mail being anything other than e-mail between two friends. ALL movement toward changing that direction originated with her. After she did that I led her on. I led her on because I felt she had led me on. ...I was depressed, in pain and as a result, vulnerable. I sense a bit of naivete here. Yes, she did take advantage of you when you were vulnerable. But are you certain that she intentionally fell in love with you, too? I think not. Honestly, when she told you that she's loved you since the beginning, you did not feel the least bit flattered?? You didn't start fantasizing her with you?? Don't surprise me here.
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