Guest Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I wish you could all understand that MM see you, the OW, nothing but a side dish. I know this sounds harsh, but it is the truth. If he truely loved you, he would divorce his W and be with you, plain and simple. He will tell you nything and everything you want to hear, because he feels he needs this sex. Thats all it is. Sure you can talk future plans, but reality is, he says it because he wants to keep you on his leash, under his control. He controls everything, think about it. Its up to him when you see eachother, talk, it all has to be around his schedule. Noone should have to live like that. If you get involved with a MM or even a MW, you have to expect you are nothing more than sex to him. You cant expect him/her to leave their marriage. You are fooling yourself. Give yourself something more out of life. You deserve better. A MM mans point of view on it all.
scarletletter Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 This might all be true about some married men, but what makes you think that the woman doesn't just want him for sex? Some women actually don't want to marry the guy...they just want sex too without strings. That is not the case in my situation, but it may be the case for many.
No Stress Lady Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 This might all be true about some married men, but what makes you think that the woman doesn't just want him for sex? Some women actually don't want to marry the guy...they just want sex too without strings. That is not the case in my situation, but it may be the case for many. Precisely Scarlet Letter Every situation's different OP - not all OW want their MM to divorce - I didn't. The original poster sounds like yet another of the people who post their views here with no personal experience of what is often a very complex (or equally not very complex) situation.................
scarletletter Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Yes, no stress lady...it is yet another "generalized" statement that really may or may not apply to the thousands of people involved with a mm. I just thank goodness that he is not a mm that I am involved with because not all of them are shallow that way.
Walking away Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I once again told my MM that we are through today. He is home in bed...left work sick because of it. Told me that I rendered him incapable of functioning today. Doesn't sound like a man who is just after sex to me....
Ladylay Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 If you get involved with a MM or even a MW, you have to expect you are nothing more than sex to him. Not true, maybe in some cases. My mum had an affair , they were both married 40 years on they are still together. I know many cases where the result has not always ended with the mm/mw returning their partner. You really can not generalize, when commenting on something as serious as this.
Walking away Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 You really can not generalize, when commenting on something as serious as this. I totally agree.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 It seems that you are taking a specific situation and applying it to all MM. I am a BS, not OW BTW and don’t think that all MM/MW and OM/OW situations are the same. Not all men are a**holes. The majority of the posts show that the wandering spouse generally feels for the OM/OW. They get so tied up in feelings they don’t want to hurt the spouse, or the OM/OW and then can’t make up their minds. I don’t think the majority of them do it on purpose ... they are hurting too and sometimes CAN’T make a decision either way. In those cases it really is up to the OP and or the BS on whether they take the initiative and put their foot down in order for action to take place one way or the other. There are those WS out there though that are manipulative and lie just to get their way. Sorry if you have experienced this. I think your view of the situation though fits very nicely with a poster out there who is trying to do exactly what you are describing .....get his own way w/o regard to who will get hurt.
scarletletter Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I wish you could all understand that MM see you, the OW, nothing but a side dish. SIDE DISH!!! That cracks me up!! I always thought of myself as the MAIN COURSE...or maybe dessert...but SIDE DISH????? FUNNY STUFF!!
erika2610 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I wish you could all understand that MM see you, the OW, nothing but a side dish. SIDE DISH!!! That cracks me up!! I always thought of myself as the MAIN COURSE...or maybe dessert...but SIDE DISH????? FUNNY STUFF!! :lmao: I have a feeling that some of these 'Guests'.. new users are BS trying to rile up OW. I've seen some post threads basically asking for little tricks. Just my guess
scarletletter Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 :lmao: I have a feeling that some of these 'Guests'.. new users are BS trying to rile up OW. I've seen some post threads basically asking for little tricks. Just my guess You could be right about that...Its hard for me to believe that a man would write that...unless it is a woman pretending to be mm....hmmmmm...clever?
lovernotafighter Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 yeah of coarse it's a bs...I have yet to see a MM on here...granted I'm a new user but..no I'm convinced it's a BS. no matter I'm going to address the statement. it would do a BS's mind well to believe that a OW/OM is just a side dish,what ever helps them sleep at night is just fine with me. however I am a MW with a MM and I can tell you it's not that at all...side dish? if you mean long emotional talks, romantic dinners ,making love for hours on end and risiking everything you have in life, your friends,family,career and years of earnings...then yeah guess we are each others 'side dishes'. he doesn't keep me on a leash nor do I to him...we don't expect more than the other can give..and all we ask is for each others company...no demands. we return to the situation because we complete what is missing in each others life...it might be wrong,but I can say it sure doesn't feel that way to us. tear me apart people:p
curly Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I'm not new here, & I'm an OW (trying to find a way not to be anymore). I've been posting for almost 2 years and I can tell you that these "guest" posts are fairly new. OP - come out and tell us you're a BS (probably W). Men hardly EVER post on here. There's NO WAY the OP is a MM. IMHO - a BS that posts here telling us "BS" (lol, pun intended) is as cowardly as a MM who can't make up his mind. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes, then make your opinions. You have no idea what goes on between OW/MM or vice versa. If you are a BS, good luck. I mean that, truly. Because you are in complete denial. You want to believe that this interloper (yes, that's what we are, not denying our complicity in the situation or our being acquitted from any guilt), this interpoler is the cause. Look to your spouse. He/she allowed this interloper into your life. It's your spouse that made the betrayal. The OW in a lot of times is just as betrayed as the BS (in a human sense - so many lies and deceit.) OP, I find it difficult to believe your opinions are so strong that you haven't come back to post anymore. Try being honest. The honesty you wish your spouse had.
Sasperilla Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 yeah of coarse it's a bs...I have yet to see a MM on here...granted I'm a new user but..no I'm convinced it's a BS. no matter I'm going to address the statement. it would do a BS's mind well to believe that a OW/OM is just a side dish,what ever helps them sleep at night is just fine with me. however I am a MW with a MM and I can tell you it's not that at all...side dish? if you mean long emotional talks, romantic dinners ,making love for hours on end and risiking everything you have in life, your friends,family,career and years of earnings...then yeah guess we are each others 'side dishes'. he doesn't keep me on a leash nor do I to him...we don't expect more than the other can give..and all we ask is for each others company...no demands. we return to the situation because we complete what is missing in each others life...it might be wrong,but I can say it sure doesn't feel that way to us. tear me apart people:p So, if it's so wonderful, how come you're not together?
littlekitty Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 The 'Guest' account can be used by someone to post without registering. I personally have seen many men post here, including married men. Not so many that are posting in these sections, but there have been some most definately.
CeeJayXXX Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I'm not new here, & I'm an OW (trying to find a way not to be anymore). I've been posting for almost 2 years and I can tell you that these "guest" posts are fairly new. OP - come out and tell us you're a BS (probably W). Men hardly EVER post on here. There's NO WAY the OP is a MM. IMHO - a BS that posts here telling us "BS" (lol, pun intended) is as cowardly as a MM who can't make up his mind. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes, then make your opinions. You have no idea what goes on between OW/MM or vice versa. If you are a BS, good luck. I mean that, truly. Because you are in complete denial. You want to believe that this interloper (yes, that's what we are, not denying our complicity in the situation or our being acquitted from any guilt), this interpoler is the cause. Look to your spouse. He/she allowed this interloper into your life. It's your spouse that made the betrayal. The OW in a lot of times is just as betrayed as the BS (in a human sense - so many lies and deceit.) OP, I find it difficult to believe your opinions are so strong that you haven't come back to post anymore. Try being honest. The honesty you wish your spouse had. I agree completely with this entire post. Well said...right to the point. If this really is a MM then it sounds as though he has been betrayed by his OW....If this is a BS then barking at a bunch of people on an advice site is a little messed up. If my MM were around (for 3 years) just for the sex I would gather that there wouldn't be as much conversation as there is. We spend more time talking about life and what goes on in it than having sex...... If I were a side dish....what would I be?...Hmm....sounds like a new thread should be started.
Walking away Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I'm not new here, & I'm an OW (trying to find a way not to be anymore). I've been posting for almost 2 years and I can tell you that these "guest" posts are fairly new. OP - come out and tell us you're a BS (probably W). Men hardly EVER post on here. There's NO WAY the OP is a MM. IMHO - a BS that posts here telling us "BS" (lol, pun intended) is as cowardly as a MM who can't make up his mind. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes, then make your opinions. You have no idea what goes on between OW/MM or vice versa. If you are a BS, good luck. I mean that, truly. Because you are in complete denial. You want to believe that this interloper (yes, that's what we are, not denying our complicity in the situation or our being acquitted from any guilt), this interpoler is the cause. Look to your spouse. He/she allowed this interloper into your life. It's your spouse that made the betrayal. The OW in a lot of times is just as betrayed as the BS (in a human sense - so many lies and deceit.) OP, I find it difficult to believe your opinions are so strong that you haven't come back to post anymore. Try being honest. The honesty you wish your spouse had. Amen, sister.
Barby Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Tsk! Tsk! Okay b4 I get the sh*t slung at me (not literally).....even if this is a "BS" there is very little room for a "BS" to even suggest such an "unthinkable":rolleyes: thing in any thread. Even if it seems apparent to outsiders looking in (LSers).........and if it were true how many would really want to face the fact that a "MM" could actually pretend, show emotions, lie, and deceive "OW" into thinking their more even if in fact they are only in it for the short haul?!? I think the "OP" has a right to post about this if this is their opinion, they are not "bashing" or picking on anyone so I don't think they should be bashed or picked on or made to feel wrong for posting this. I've never been a "BS" but.......... I have been and if circumstances permitted it would still be an "OW" and I am in a long term relationship with someone I've been with for over 3+ years (except during the break when I became involved with my MM though I knew him (my MM) for over 7 years)............and though I know our relationship was an emotional one (it was also sexual but not very often, always hugs..kisses...."I Love You's"..things the "W" wouldn't provide for him)..and once it can be again may well resume into that. Anyway what I'm getting out is that I've been there so I'm not just rambling.... And with that being said I can see where a "BS" would be so hurt and have no where to vent but here and "IF" this is a "BS" maybe in her case they KNOW their husband is this way therefor come to the conclusion that most in this situation must be the same. Or maybe they just have became frustrated with trying to give helpful advice to the "OW" when it becomes apparent that the "MM" isn't in love enough to leave the "W" when the "OW" wants them to, so they go about it this way?!? I'm not knocking anyone's post but just as it's well known the "morality police":lmao: isn't allowed to burst in on "OW" posts......umm maybe we shouldn't be so harsh here on this type of post either?!?! (just a though)...
Owl Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Hmmm....couple of comments. First off...I think most of ya'll know that I am a BS...specifically, a BH. Second...the start of this post IS pretty much just someone trying to blow off steam. Like I said, I'm a BS, and I KNOW that this is just serious doo doo. Sometimes, yes I would bet that the MM is just looking for some physical entertainment. But the vast majority of the time, even if it STARTS like this, it almost always ends up being as much of an emotional attachment as it is anything else. And even the BS in most cases will see that. So, I guess I'm saying don't blame 'all' the BS's for foolish posts like this...most of us know far better than that. I've posted for a long time on this thread...and I HOPE that the majority of you who have read my posts can see that I truly don't feel that any of this is just ONE person's fault. The WS is every bit as much to blame...often moreso when they LIE to the OP about their marital status. And bluntly...NO ONE walks away from an affair unscathed. The BS is hurt and betrayed...the WS feels guilt and regret and pain for hurting SOMEONE...and most often the OP ends up alone again once it's all done, so their hurt at the end of it too. Not to mention the pain they feel dealing with the whole thing DURING the affair. As far as 'generalizations' go...they normally DO apply with good reasons. I have seen maybe 3-5 situations that fall so far outside of the 'normal' range that the 'standard' advice just doesn't apply...in about 2 years of posting on multiple forums. Believe it or not, this stuff is so standard it's almost a script. On all the parties involved. And it's very very rare that there is a circumstance in one of these situations that totally changes it from the norm. That's why 'generic' advice really does work in a lot of situations...but the reality is that there are very few people who are involved in these situations that truly are willing to 'listen' and 'take' advice on this kind of thing. The situation itself creates blinders that prevent them from seeing anything that doesn't fit into the affair scenario...I've seen it time and again on various forums...and even in my wife's case during her affair. Seriously...I wish only the best for ALL of the people who are caught up in these situations.
Walking away Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Owl, For whatever it is worth, I am very willing to listen to people's advice. From experience comes wisdom.... And, I appreciate the advice given. It has gotten me where I am today....walking away from an affair.
lindya Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 you can tell it is a woman, by the writing style. You can tell it's someone who hasn't learned to differentiate between their own subjective opinion and objectively proven fact. The words "harsh" and "the truth" are usually a giveaway.... I wish you could all understand that MM see you, the OW, nothing but a side dish. I know this sounds harsh, but it is the truth.
amaysngrace Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 can you tell me what a "bh" and a "bs" is?? i'm dumbfounded....
Barby Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 can you tell me what a "bh" and a "bs" is?? i'm dumbfounded.... bh-betrayed husband bs-betrayed spouse
Guest Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 So, if it's so wonderful, how come you're not together? we don't want to hurt our familys.
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