Guest Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Has a betrayed spouse ever have a revenge affair to even the score? I wonder if it would make you feel so much better. I think it would make me feel better considering I was thinking of cheating while he actually was. I wish I had an affair too.
whats wrong with me Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I see no one else answered this so I'll tell you how I feel about it. A revenge affair would make you feel better until the deed is done....then you have a mess of new problems to deal with. Do you tell your partner that you did it? if not what if he/she find out? Do you want to stay with your partner? I dont know how vindictive you are, but now you dont have anything to hold over her/his head...your just as bad as them. Regardless of who he/she had an affair with, somehow yours will be the worse fling because it was revenge. My advice dont disrespect yourself like that. If you disrespect yourself how can anyone else have respect for you?
catgirl1927 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Two wrongs don't make a right, as cheesy as that sounds. IMO, the cheater probably would feel BETTER if you cheated, because not only does that lessen what they did, it means you also are the kind of person who goes around lying and breaking promises.
Chump64 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I am completely disillusioned with my husband. He isn't the person I married. He has no integrity, in my eyes. For these past years, he has shown no respect for me or commitment to me. (If he works very hard, and we are very lucky, all of this could change.) But why would I want to do something that would make me like him?
cplfun13 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 In my first marriage many years ago, I did the revenge affair. It did make me feel better and I did not regret it at all. Well, for at least the first day. I have regretted it ever since. I have to face the fact and the mirror that I went against all I stood for, believed in, and preached against to all. I now live with knowing I cheated. No matter what the reason is, it is still cheating and still wrong. I was wrong!! I was no better then him.
castle26 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 But why do you have to be better than him? I did the revenge affair because I wanted to get revenge in my own mind. But it was years ago and it really caused me to see that I was over the edge with sick worry about him having sex with someone else. Well it was sex. People will have sexual contact sometimes very unexpectedly out of the blue with someone other than their husband or wife or whatever. I don't really think reacting hysterically helps, which I did do at first. But after my revenge sex I got over the worry and stopped hating him. We split because we really weren't meant to be a couple anyway. I don't think I was wrong for doing it and I learned to believe he wasn't wrong too. In another thread here people are carryin on about different thoughts about sex, open marriage etc. I do see what the sides on each argument are talking about but ther is too much hate. Why hate it wont help anything. People arent perfect, never will be marriage isnt perfect. In fact it sets everyone up for failure because who can live a life of perfection-you know I'll never think anybody else is attractive and I wont have urges for anyone but one. Just my thoughts dont hate me for it but the revenge sex it really did help
Guest Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Regardless of who he/she had an affair with, somehow yours will be the worse fling because it was revenge. I am so glad for people like you in these message boards. This is what made it turn around. You are so right, and I never looked at it that way! Thank you!
Chump64 Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 It's not "hate," Castle. It's "hurt." We split because we really weren't meant to be a couple anyway. I would suggest that if things were bad between you anyway, and you don't think you weren't meant to be a couple, it might be easier to view "revenge affair" as a viable option.
whats wrong with me Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I am so glad for people like you in these message boards. This is what made it turn around. You are so right, and I never looked at it that way! Thank you! I'm so glad somebody understood what I was saying!!!!
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