blah1234 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I know that the purpose of these forms is so people can get support from other people when his or her love life is messed up. And it also helps to know that you are not the only one going through this... but do you think these forums are kind of a double edged sword? It seems that every time I come here, I think about my ex. Everytime I read a post or write one, I am thinking about my ex. Does this fuel the fire? I mean, maybe it's just me... but I usually come here to be distracted from what my ex is doing (right now she is in her dorm room probably with another guy), but in reality, all I do is think about her.
riobikini Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 As I've said before here, you know it in your gut when it's time for a break from the boards. Instead of talking about being with people in the non-virtual world, everyone really needs to break free from the pc, for a while, and truly get face-to-face with real live people you can actually touch and see. It will refresh you, and strengthen you. Then, when you do come back to the forum, it just may turn out that you return with a clearer mind and better idea of where you're headed. Trust your gut on this one. -Rio
CaliGuy Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I know that the purpose of these forms is so people can get support from other people when his or her love life is messed up. And it also helps to know that you are not the only one going through this... but do you think these forums are kind of a double edged sword? It seems that every time I come here, I think about my ex. Everytime I read a post or write one, I am thinking about my ex. Does this fuel the fire? I mean, maybe it's just me... but I usually come here to be distracted from what my ex is doing (right now she is in her dorm room probably with another guy), but in reality, all I do is think about her. For me it would be almost criminal to not pass on my experiences to others, so that they can learn by my mistakes and grow. It is a community I am honored to contribute to. And remember this: "What does not kill me can only make me stronger." I think coming here, even when you are thinking of your Ex and feeling weak proves that you are growing and becoming stronger.
riobikini Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 RE: CaliGuy: " For me it would be almost criminal to not pass on my experiences to others, so that they can learn by my mistakes and grow. It is a community I am honored to contribute to." 'Ditto', CaliGuy. And 'Hugs' to you. (Smile) -Rio
Dinnj1 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 you know it in your gut when it's time for a break from the boards. went through this last year... I lived by LS... and apparently was deeply depressed. I slept, checked LS, slept, checked LS... found myself feeling good at times to hear that there is 'hope' from other people... but got to a point where I should've been OUT and ABOUT and getting things done with my life instead of logging on to the site every hour on the hour. Part of moving on means moving on and not sitting in front of a 19" dwelling on the past and what could happen in the future and how I should handle it. It's no different then whining to my friends about the same thing over and over... eventually I had to let go... of her (sorta/kinda) and LS.
riobikini Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 The object here, I believe, -is to compare, share, and care, and get information you can use -then take it, put it to use, and get on with your life. Later, you can bring your experiences back to the board, as others have, to show proof that there is, indeed, life after a break-up. -Rio
Dinnj1 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 that's why I am back... even though (she & I) are sorta/kinda talking again... things aren't perfect... but I am no where near in the mindset that I was in last year... therefore I can limit my time to LS.... and carry on the rest of my day.
riobikini Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Dinnj1, you're living proof that life goes on, -and gets better, a little each day. Thank you for that. (Smile) -Rio
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I know that the purpose of these forms is so people can get support from other people when his or her love life is messed up. And it also helps to know that you are not the only one going through this... but do you think these forums are kind of a double edged sword? It seems that every time I come here, I think about my ex. Everytime I read a post or write one, I am thinking about my ex. Does this fuel the fire? I mean, maybe it's just me... but I usually come here to be distracted from what my ex is doing (right now she is in her dorm room probably with another guy), but in reality, all I do is think about her. Yep. I used this site to get over my exH and the psycho I dated in 2004. It's about what you focus your attention on. Stay in coping section all the time = be depressed and mope.
Dinnj1 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 you're living proof that life goes on, -and gets better, a little each day. Life does go on... only if you let it.
dgiirl Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 who are you kidding? Do you really think that if you didnt come to these forums, you wouldnt be thinking about them? You stop thinking about them when you're ready, regardless of the forum or not. Yes, the forum gives people an outlet to wallow in their sorrow, but so does moping around friends, and sleeping in bed all day and all night. You control your actions and you can either use the forum to help you move on, or keep you in your spot, just like moping around your friends, or sleeping in bed. Like everything in life, you need a balance, and too much of anything can be destructive.
qnmc Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 If anything, a site like this gives me strength knowing that I'm not the only person in the world to have gone through pain like this. Even when you've been through a breakup recovery before, like I have, it's amazing how one can lose sight of what it was like before and the fact that all it takes is time. For first-time breakups I can only imagine how much a site like this does for someone, wish I would have come across it after my first breakup! It's also kind of cathartic to offer advice. It tends to reinforce what I need to do to get all of this out of my system. Since joining a couple weeks ago I feel a heck of a lot stronger, I'd like to think that LS has something to do with this feeling. I completely agree that you need to have a balance. You need to be out and about in the real world hanging out with friends/family, meeting new people, and re-establishing contact with those you might not have kept in the best of touch with while in your relationship. Furthermore, I think you need to physically talk about your problems to those you've designated as your breakup buddies (friends, family, counselor, clergy, whatever). Of course, you don't want to wear your breakup buddy out with talking about the same things over and over again, so LS can serve as a great outlet when you need it (again, balance).
CaliGuy Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 RE: 'Ditto', CaliGuy. And 'Hugs' to you. (Smile) -Rio Hugs back atcha
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