basscatcher Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Yes, I understand the key word is "good relationship" And if you are in a good relationship, want to spend time with your gal(alot of time) and are loving, affectionate all "sweetie" and "honeypie" to your new gal.....the EX is nowhere in your head then, correct? I could only wish this. I am in a similiar situation. My guy didn't have time to really get over his X. He spends LOTS of time with me and calls me daily (sometimes several times a day.) But he isn't the affectionate and all 'sweetie' and 'honeypie' type. He's a man's type man so nix on the touchy-feely. (I'm asking because this situation pertains to me. My b.f. (2nd chance) got hurt REAL bad by this woman and there wasn't much closure. I am about 95% secure, but that 5% of me wonders how often she crosses his mind.... Mine guy also was hurt and disappointed over and over by his X. They broke up several times and were engaged 3 times for short periods of time. I wonder how often she crosses his mind. But she is also still calling him and driving through his parking lot hoping to run into him. She leaves msgs for him asking him if they can be friends and if they can go out for a beer sometime. So I don't think she is far from his mind.. 'She needs to disappear...in order for him to not think of her." My guy says he is happy with me 90% of the time then he said he is joking. He told me he enjoys being with me and having me in his life. He said he wants me and needs me. according to you blokes, I have nothing to be worried/concerned about. He is into me, and not thinking of her. (I guess the whole, theory on how people will throw themselves into a new relationship to "forget" comes into my head on occasion) Probably wrong of me and I should let the notions go...yes? Not worry over nothing. If she isn't bothering him and he doesn't run into her out in public I think your safe he isn't thinking of her very often. I would take your theory on a note of caution and keep it in your mind. There maybe times when you will sense he is aloof in thought and maybe emotionally from time to time. He may still flash back to her as he heals from the past and grows with you. Everyone needs healing from their last relationship. Some people do it before getting involved others move on before fully dealing with the closure.. This is where my guy is at. I am working at being patient and understanding of him and knowing he is still healing and letting go of his past. It wasn't that long ago. He and I have been together 5 months and he ended a off and on relationship with her about a week before me. Time heals if you let it. If your guy is like this understanding and patience is important if you are seroius about your man. Remember she is his X... He is with YOU.. He will still have times when he remembers her as he heals. Let him.. We never forget anyone who has been in our lives but as time moves forward we think of them less and less and it will be certain events or things that remind us of them. The important thing for us to remember is we can't control or change someone we can only control or change ourselves. Do not obsess over things we cannot change and to remember that others need us to understandwhere they are. I try not to press on my guy the issues of his X. It is very hard to not be scared or concerned about his connection with her. But I remind myself he is with me, He spends lots and lots and lots of time with me, It is me he goes out dancing with, He doesn't hide me-we go out in public where she could see us together in HIS truck. He has introduced me to his family and children... So there are possitive things to focus on.. I'm sure you can find similiar things... WE all need support from time to time. I ask LS'rs to help me when I'm troubled and getting off track. They give great advice and insight.
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Thanks girlfriend! I remind myself often that he is with me and it does the trick often, but like you said...it pops up from time to time. I try to not say anything or be insecure/jealous girl...sometimes it's hard. (why I'm on here and not putting it on him...again) Things ARE going very, very well. Above and beyond my expectations, and I know we should just LIVE and not let the "what ifs" and fear hold us back. It's especially hard because I saw what it did to him. I am glad we didn't jump into anything and I feel if he didn't genuinely love me he wouldn't be acting or speaking of his feelings for me the way he does....I don't think that can be faked. He does not do the "withdraw" thing, at all. He sees me almost every day( his choice, not me asking) He is very affectionate. It's my issue to contend with, I just hope it(my fear/insecurity) towards "her" will go away. Ok, I guess.....let it go. Live in today, not in the past. Move forward, take his actions/words at face value, stop analyzing....enjoy.
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