freckles3131 Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Say you are in a new relationship. Your last relationship ended bad(you were very hurt/hard time getting over her) but you are very, very happy in your current relationship. How ofter(while with the new g.f, say you are on month 3 or 4) how often do you think of the EX? (even if she wasn't good to or for you) but again, you are very happy with the new g.f?
SmoochieFace Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Say you are in a new relationship. Your last relationship ended bad(you were very hurt/hard time getting over her) but you are very, very happy in your current relationship. How ofter(while with the new g.f, say you are on month 3 or 4) how often do you think of the EX? (even if she wasn't good to or for you) but again, you are very happy with the new g.f? Zero times simply cuz she is an X.
scobro Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 nevernevernevernevernevernevernever They Are An Ex!!!!!! As In Exterminate From Your Mind;)
jerbear Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I would say I do remember the memories but not of the ex or going back to her.
Curmudgeon Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 That's about right. I never think of her unless a question like this one causes me to. Of course, we were only married for 25 years so what's to remember?
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Never? Really? This seems hard to believe.... Imagine this was your "dream girl" (like totally your "type" and she dumped you. There was no closure, it was the hardest break up of your life) Seriously, songs, driving by her street, things that remind you of her, that all goes away? (again, you are in a new relationship and very happy or so it seems) The curiousity isn't there? The wondering? The missing her? Is it once you find someone that brings you "true" happiness you move on completely? Ok, what if she contacts you after a year of NC?(and you are in a good relationship? Would you need to reply back?)
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Is it easier for a guy to "forget" and move on? (if he is happy now) Seems to me us woman still think of them and wonder.....is it a "guy thing" that men are more able to let it go? I'm wondering because I'm on a second chance. If he didn't "think of me" and "remember me" I don't think we would be back together. So how is it if you guys "don't think of the ex" etc....how do we explain second chances/second go arounds......I was an "ex" and here I am.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Never? Really? This seems hard to believe.... Imagine this was your "dream girl" (like totally your "type" and she dumped you. There was no closure, it was the hardest break up of your life) Seriously, songs, driving by her street, things that remind you of her, that all goes away? (again, you are in a new relationship and very happy or so it seems) The curiousity isn't there? The wondering? The missing her? Is it once you find someone that brings you "true" happiness you move on completely? Ok, what if she contacts you after a year of NC?(and you are in a good relationship? Would you need to reply back?) Seems to me that you *want* the dumped guys to think about you in spite of the fact that you *beep* all over them. Why is that? Why do women in general wanna *have their cake and eat it too*? Wow... so dumb.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Seems to me us woman still think of them and wonder... Why would you *wonder* about a guy you dumped? That is just so silly...
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Seems to me that you *want* the dumped guys to think about you in spite of the fact that you *beep* all over them. Why is that? Why do women in general wanna *have their cake and eat it too*? Wow... so dumb. No. When I am dumped I tend to think about the guy who dumped ME....even sometimes when I am happy in a new relationship. I wasn't talking about being the dumper......I was talking about the perspective of being the dumpee and how men feel and how it effects them in their current relationships...i.e. do they still think of their EX that dumped them...and how often.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 No. When I am dumped I tend to think about the guy who dumped ME....even sometimes when I am happy in a new relationship. I wasn't talking about being the dumper......I was talking about the perspective of being the dumpee and how men feel and how it effects them in their current relationships...i.e. do they still think of their EX that dumped them...and how often. Doesn't affect me as I would have moved on.
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Why would you *wonder* about a guy you dumped? That is just so silly... Again, not *wondering* about a guy I dumped....not at all....Wondering about men/woman who GET DUMPED.....and how often they still think of the ex while in a new relationship. I was saying that if a guy "forgets" about the ex for real, how far gone are they? Does thoughts of the ex creep into their daily lives? Songs/places etc....or is it a non-issue if they are in a new relationship and does the fact that the girl was their "ideal" and there was no closure make a difference??
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 So for men.....once they are in a new relationship and are happy they don't think of the ex (even if they were dumped/hurt etc...) It's that they can live in the present and it's a non-issue?
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 So basically all the "I miss her" and "I wonder" is eliminated if you are currently in a good relationship and are happy? For men, you have completely moved on at this point?
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 So basically all the "I miss her" and "I wonder" is eliminated if you are currently in a good relationship and are happy? For men, you have completely moved on at this point? Even if I wasn't in a relationship it would still be eliminated...
jerbear Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 So basically all the "I miss her" and "I wonder" is eliminated if you are currently in a good relationship and are happy? For men, you have completely moved on at this point? One day or one brief millisecond, I might get a thought of "I wonder" it is similar to the VH1's "where are they now". I would not call to say hi and ask where are you now. Would I miss her, answer would be no. Why would I miss her?
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 One day or one brief millisecond, I might get a thought of "I wonder" it is similar to the VH1's "where are they now". I would not call to say hi and ask where are you now. Would I miss her, answer would be no. Why would I miss her? Hmm...this is interesting. So if a guy is the dumpee.....there is little or no chance he would go back to the gal that dumped him? Even if for 6 months he had wished she would come back and pined away for her? Is it a matter of "once you make your mind up, you won't travel back down that road?" And is this solidified once you are in a serious relationship with someone new? (so I guess, perhaps the "being happy with someone new REALLY makes it totally unappealing to even THINK about going back or wanting the EX that dumped you?) Yes? The whole, "the fastest way to get over someone is to find someone "good" for you and then you realize you weren't missing a damn thing with that gal that dumped you" As opposed to being a guy who dumped the gal...if you dumped the gal...there might be a chance you would want her back? So I guess, for those in the "Coping" section.....If She was the dumper.....and changes her mind.......there is not much of a chance the dumpee(a man) would go back esp. if he has found someone new...is this right?
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Then if this is true....why are there so many men in the "Coping" section that want their Ex's that dumped them back?? (even when she treated them like crap) Is it just that they haven't moved on and/or found someone new and thus "think" the EX is what they still want, but just don't realize by being in a new and happy/healthy relationship that she isn't worth it?? What about the posts from men that say, "I'm in a relationship and can't stop thinking about my ex"? (even if she dumped them and treated them poorly) There seem to be alot of men that still "miss" the gal that dumped them.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Hmm...this is interesting. So if a guy is the dumpee.....there is little or no chance he would go back to the gal that dumped him? Even if for 6 months he had wished she would come back and pined away for her? Is it a matter of "once you make your mind up, you won't travel back down that road?" And is this solidified once you are in a serious relationship with someone new? (so I guess, perhaps the "being happy with someone new REALLY makes it totally unappealing to even THINK about going back or wanting the EX that dumped you?) Yes? The whole, "the fastest way to get over someone is to find someone "good" for you and then you realize you weren't missing a damn thing with that gal that dumped you" As opposed to being a guy who dumped the gal...if you dumped the gal...there might be a chance you would want her back? So I guess, for those in the "Coping" section.....If She was the dumper.....and changes her mind.......there is not much of a chance the dumpee(a man) would go back esp. if he has found someone new...is this right? It wouldn't matter if I was with someone new or not - I would NEVER go back to someone who dumped me. Period. You dropped me, you're out, and the decision is permanent. Good-bye... and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. End of story.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Then if this is true....why are there so many men in the "Coping" section that want their Ex's that dumped them back?? Because they are a bunch of masochistic dumbasses. Not all men are like that.
jerbear Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 If I'm in a good relationship, the ex (dumper or dumpee) would have to wait. Why would I risk a good relationship? Keyword is good relationship. It is not fair to my current gf. She (the ex) got rid of me and now wants me back because she can't have me now? No can do, she is an ex. If she wants to, she can pick a number, doesn't mean I would call that number.
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Yes, I understand the key word is "good relationship" And if you are in a good relationship, want to spend time with your gal(alot of time) and are loving, affectionate all "sweetie" and "honeypie" to your new gal.....the EX is nowhere in your head then, correct? (I'm asking because this situation pertains to me. My b.f. (2nd chance) got hurt REAL bad by this woman and there wasn't much closure. I am about 95% secure, but that 5% of me wonders how often she crosses his mind....I guess according to you blokes, I have nothing to be worried/concerned about. He is into me, and not thinking of her. (I guess the whole, theory on how people will throw themselves into a new relationship to "forget" comes into my head on occasion) Probably wrong of me and I should let the notions go...yes? Not worry over nothing.
SmoochieFace Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Yes, I understand the key word is "good relationship" And if you are in a good relationship, want to spend time with your gal(alot of time) and are loving, affectionate all "sweetie" and "honeypie" to your new gal.....the EX is nowhere in your head then, correct? (I'm asking because this situation pertains to me. My b.f. (2nd chance) got hurt REAL bad by this woman and there wasn't much closure. I am about 95% secure, but that 5% of me wonders how often she crosses his mind....I guess according to you blokes, I have nothing to be worried/concerned about. He is into me, and not thinking of her. (I guess the whole, theory on how people will throw themselves into a new relationship to "forget" comes into my head on occasion) Probably wrong of me and I should let the notions go...yes? Not worry over nothing. Instead of asking us *blokes* how about asking HIM? Only HE can tell you whassup, right? Communication, communication, COMMUNICATION!
Author freckles3131 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 Instead of asking us *blokes* how about asking HIM? Only HE can tell you whassup, right? Communication, communication, COMMUNICATION! I DID ask him. He says, "It's a non-issue" Of course anyone would say that to someone they are currently with. Like I said, I believe him (about 95% of me does and I don't "hound him" about it and haven't brought it up since....) BUT, I am just "researching" the subject. Trying to determine how "possible" it truly is to be able to "let it go" in my mind. (He knows there is still some doubt on my part, I have told him that...I even went as far as to say, "If I can't let my "fears" of him still "caring" about her go by the 6 month mark, we may have to part ways as it wouldn't be fair to either one of us(me or him) as it would interfere with being 100%) So I am being level-headed about it, honest, communicating my fears...He is doing alot to alleviate my fear as well. (like I said, being wonderful, caring etc...spending his free time with me etc...) We were friends during the whole break-up(with his ex) and I SAW what it did to him(and knew it was the first time he was ever dumped, he was devastated, she is physically his "ideal" etc....) so I have that in the back of my mind...(how much he felt for her, how hurt he was, what he did to try and get her back etc...) They have been apart for 8+ months. We have been dating for 3 months(5 months AFTER the break-up) I guess I just was looking for re-assurance that this is how men, "compartmentalize" and that if he says, "Its' a non-issue" it must be (acccording to the men who posted replies) seems that once you guys close that door, it stays closed....(which is what I was hoping the response would be) and now I can relax a bit more...(internally)
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