Is this going to change our whole relationship now??

[sorely_confused]

I think I made a mistake that might change everything in my relationship...

 

My stomach is in huge knots, and I feel queasy and sick to my stomach..

 

I am looking for advice from anyone who has ever experienced this in their relationship.

 

I have been looking at similar problems here for some time, but I finally decided to sign up hoping to get advice that is specifically for my situation...(so thanks in advance!!)

My BF and I have been steadily going downhill in the sex department...we have been together for 2 years, and used to have sex fairly frequently...it was hot and passionate at first, then it was not so much passion but still hot. I always felt like I was pleasing him very well, he seemed VERY satisfied, at least enough to fall asleep immediately afterwards....but then, something strange happened....

He started to withdraw from me...emotionally, sexually..it has actually been like this now for a while, and I became hurt, confused, unsure, paranoid-(was he cheating???), and really started suffering from low self esteem....I had a couple of chats with him but the end result is always the same, its not us, its that he is really tired and working hard for our future.....I dont understand, he always has worked really hard since the beginning of our relationship. He is not that old, he cant be run down already??

 

Well, back to the original reason for my post...

 

I have been so eager to please him in the sex department that whenever he is ready, i am ready, even if I dont quite want it right then. Well all of a sudden he introduced Porn into the relationship...he has NEVER been the type to even look at it, it was never in the house, he is usually very conservative and I have been lucky to have a man who didnt make this a focal point like most men do.

 

By porn, I mean that he wants to watch it while we do it. He found his brothers porn CD a couple of weeks ago and had asked me about it then, if maybe i wouldnt mind watching it while we do it...and i kind of changed the subject and it was dropped. As soon as he left the room, i hid the cd.....i dont know why i did that, only that it was such a surprise, and we have not been having sex, that i didnt want this to turn into his obsession, having him turn to that instead of me.

 

Well, we ended up doing it to porn. I cant help but feel that I sold myself out. And that I made a huge mistake crossing over as it gives a message that I am okay with it...when I am so not...I was and have been at the end of my rope with what to do to with our lack of sex that I was eager to please...

 

I was so humiliated at first. I couldnt believe I was actually lowering my morals (my own personal morals) for this. I felt really uncomfortable, weird, and then I kinda shut down, only doing what I had to do to finish him up and not getting into it. I mean I moved and did all the appropriate things but I couldnt relax at all, my mind was definately elsewhere, not on sex, I was extremely hurt that it has turned to this, and thought, well, this is it, this is our turning point and now its going to keep getting deeper into other things, but its apparent that good old sex is not satisfying him now...

 

And I kept thinking, whats next, this is going to satisfy him for a while, just like plain old sex did, and then it will be on to bigger and badder things, who knows what else. Obviously, just sex wasnt enough. Now its porn, what comes next?? I felt so disgusted. I mean, its cheap, its tacky, its just not something I want to be watching when I am trying to mend myself from my battered self esteem and trying to reconnect with him.....I felt like porn only cheapened the occasion.

And I must of satisfied (or the porn did) him enough this time. He actually slept right after it. I rarely ever seen him do this lately.

Its obvious he is getting bored, if not very bored already. I dont want to hear about men are very visual creatures, as I read on some posts here, because i think even though my man might be a very visual creature, he has never been that visual to seek out other source of stimulation except between him and I.

 

Not sure what to do now, I kinda figured things were headed in this direction, with him not even seemingly interested in sex, distant and everything else.. I kinda get the feeling that this new introducing porn thing is going to move on to different things and who knows what else it might be from there...does anyone think it is way too early to even be getting involved in this?? ..can someone please tell me what the hell is going on????

Thanks...

[sorely_confused]

please, someone help me....I have to go back home to him in a couple of hours and I am not sure how to even react....i feel all nervous and jumpy and I know I am probably being dramatic in some peoples eyes, but to understand it better, this has NEVER EVER been an issue for us, there was never anything in our house of that nature and all of a sudden its come down to this...is it normal or not?????????

[Becoming]

You're obviously not ok with the whole porn and sex thing. And you don't need anyone to tell you that.

 

Has he been into porn to the point where real sex dwindled between you, do you think?

 

You need to check to see if he's a porn addict by checking the history of his computer/internet use. You need to research what this means by checking out other threads on Love Shack and by doing a google search.

 

There are lots of opinions re: whether porn is/is not ok for a relationship. It boils down to what's comfortable for you.

 

It sounds to me like you want a real relationship, not one colored by unrealistic porn. And that, I think (for what it's worth), is a good thing.

 

Stick by your values.

[Tim'sAngel]

Ok first of all, don't freak out too much. I understand that something new was introduced to your relationship and your uncomfortable with it, and it's ok that you are. I wouldn't go as far as thinking he is a porn addict. I think if he were this issue would have popped up way before 2 years. I don't think he is a freak or not happy with your sex. Lets face it, after so long sex might not be quite what it used to be. Sometimes couples have to spice things up. I don't know your bf but thats sounds like maybe he was just trying something new to spice things up. Now, if you tell him you were uncomfortable with this and he gets upset then you have a problem.

 

Just talk to him hunny. Sit him down and tell him that your worried about your sex life and tell him your concerns. Also, tell him the porn thing isn't for you, maybe suggest trying something else, like doing it in a public place (public bathroom, janitor room) or plan a romantic weekend get-a-way where the 2 of you focus on getting reaquainted with each other sexually. Or maybe get a book with different positions and try some new ones, you know anything new that you've never done yet.

[Tim'sAngel]

Ok first of all, don't freak out too much. I understand that something new was introduced to your relationship and your uncomfortable with it, and it's ok that you are. I wouldn't go as far as thinking he is a porn addict. I think if he were this issue would have popped up way before 2 years. I don't think he is a freak or not happy with your sex. Lets face it, after so long sex might not be quite what it used to be. Sometimes couples have to spice things up. I don't know your bf but thats sounds like maybe he was just trying something new to spice things up. Now, if you tell him you were uncomfortable with this and he gets upset then you have a problem.

 

Just talk to him hunny. Sit him down and tell him that your worried about your sex life and tell him your concerns. Also, tell him the porn thing isn't for you, maybe suggest trying something else, like doing it in a public place (public bathroom, janitor room) or plan a romantic weekend get-a-way where the 2 of you focus on getting reaquainted with each other sexually. Or maybe get a book with different positions and try some new ones, you know anything new that you've never done yet.

 

Good luck!!

[Tim'sAngel]

Oops, sorry about the double post!!