Guest Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I will start by saying that I have been married for 11 years. I have verbally abused my wife over pretty much that entire time. Three years ago my wife was pregnant with my daughter. I started talking to another gal at work and it lead into more conversations. It was simply easier to talk to her than it was my wife. I told my wife about the other gal and she got all upset as she sould have. I told her that I wouldn't talk to her again. I then found myself sneaking around her back and still was talking to the other gal. She caught me. To make a long story short. We still tried to work it out. I felt that the marriage was a tolerable one 6 months ago she told me to move out. It kind of caught me by surprise. Since being gone she has filed for divorce and says that she still loves me but not like a wife should love a husband, she says that she can never trust me ever again. From my side now I love her more than anything I have made big mistakes and now I'm paying for them. I have brought God into my life as well as my kids too. She says she wants to be friends and I cannot imagine not being able to spend the rest of my life without her. How can I build the trust back and let her realize that she can learn to love me and trust me again?
Outcast Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 You have killed her love for you. That kind of death is pretty much impossible to revive. It's unfortunate that you didn't realize the error of your ways sooner before you had damaged your relationship irrevocably. However, that is what you did and you will have to live with the consequences. Seek help from your minister and fellow church members while you adjust to your situation and get counselling if you find their support isn't enough.
Citizen Erased Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 You may have brought God into your life but all she is going to think about when she is with you is the abuse and the cheating. Sorry to say but it's over for good. Like Outcast said, you have killed that love and it's impossible to get it back, especially if she has kicked you out and started the divorce process. Sorry
suegail Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 But it could happen - I don't think you should feel completely discouraged. Over time she may see how much your life has changed, how different you are and how great a value you now place on family. You believe in God. God can restore a marriage. I really do believe that. I hope you get a miracle.
Citizen Erased Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Over time she may see how much your life has changed, how different you are and how great a value you now place on family. You believe in God. God can restore a marriage. I really do believe that. I hope you get a miracle. So what? Now that someone has suddenly decided they believe in God, it makes up for abuse and infedility? Uh, I DON'T THINK SO! I am a Chrisitan, and proud to be so, but I dislike it when people use their faith in an attempt to make them the good guy when they have been less then perfect before that. I have seen so many people search for answers by adopting a religion, but they are outnumbered by people who hide behind their faith.
cplfun13 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Many moons ago I was in your wife’s shoes and can tell you that the taste of freedom from all the pain and suffering given to me was the nail in the coffin. I could never go back to it once I was out. She gave you 11 years, what did you give her? You didn't give; you stole 11 years from her. If you love her let her be free and have a life that she deserves and needs. God or no God, when it all comes down to it, it is just you and your actions. Put the shoe on the other foot, how or what do you think someone could do to earn your trust back after they wronged you for 11 years??? Be honest with yourself, there is probably nothing. Who do you love more? You or her?
suegail Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 "Now that someone has suddenly decided they believe in God, it makes up for abuse and infedility?" Is that what I said? hmmm....I think not.
Citizen Erased Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 "Now that someone has suddenly decided they believe in God, it makes up for abuse and infedility?" Is that what I said? hmmm....I think not. When you said 'You believe in God. God can restore a marriage' you were inferring that his sudden faith in God could somehow provide areconciliation with his wife. It's alot bigger than that and saying something so inane like that cheapens what he has put her through, thats all I was saying, didnt mean to cause offence. Sorry
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