xxbaddgurl83xx Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years about 2 weeks ago. Well since we broke up and I've moved back home he has been calling non stop begging me to come back to him. All he does is sit around the apartment and get drunk all day. He goes to work but as soon as he gets home hes drinking liquor. He has nothing else to do with his time than to try to make my life hell. He has hacked into different accounts that I have on the Internet and I believe that he has spyware on my computer because he is able to see online conversations that I have with my friends. He called me last night drunk and was telling me that he see's that I am moving on. I had no idea what he was talking about and then he told me that he saw my conversation that I was having through instant messenger! It was a basic conversation with a friend and he was blowing it out of context. His behavior seems like harassment and stalking. I don't know what to do about this. I have threatened to report him to the police and all he says is that I can't prove anything because they can't trace what he is doing. Is that true? As you know, the things that he is doing is a felony. I don't want to get him in any trouble but I can't deal with this harassment. He needs to realize that we are through and I am not coming back this time. He needs to let me go and move on with his life. This really has me worried because I don't know what he could be capable of. I don't want it to start out like this and then next thing I know he's coming after me. Everyone is telling me that I need to press charges.
CaliGuy Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Run a virus scan on your computer and see if it can trace the spyware or whatever he is using. If you find it, file a police report. Change all your passwords to your email accounts, myspace page or whatever else you are using. Change your phone number. Disappear out of his life. Stick to NC. Don't take his calls. Change your email address. Whatever you need to do. Cut him off cold turkey.
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Run a virus scan on your computer and see if it can trace the spyware or whatever he is using. If you find it, file a police report. Change all your passwords to your email accounts, myspace page or whatever else you are using. Change your phone number. Disappear out of his life. Stick to NC. Don't take his calls. Change your email address. Whatever you need to do. Cut him off cold turkey. I agree with all these things, BUT, you put her at risk by not advising her to report his actions to the authorities. You need to have legal documentation of what he is doing to you, otherwise if he DOES do something crazy (which is entirely possible considering the substance abuse issue here) -- they will NOT be able to punish him to the fullest extent.
tikigods Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I agree with Blind Otter, make sure you document EVERYTHING that he does, like the calling and whatnot, that way if it keeps going on, or does something more extreme then you can have a case to go to the police with. Avoid taking his calls and emailing him and wahtnot, and change the locks password and phone number as the other poster said. But make sure you keep track of what he does
CaliGuy Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I agree with all these things, BUT, you put her at risk by not advising her to report his actions to the authorities. You need to have legal documentation of what he is doing to you, otherwise if he DOES do something crazy (which is entirely possible considering the substance abuse issue here) -- they will NOT be able to punish him to the fullest extent. As I mentioned if she finds proof he has been hacking to report it. They won't do much without any proof.
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 As I mentioned if she finds proof he has been hacking to report it. They won't do much without any proof. jeez, defensive? Harassing phone calls are easily documented.
CaliGuy Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I meant about the hacking. Regardless, she should change her phone number. Not defensive at all, why would you say that?
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I meant about the hacking. Regardless, she should change her phone number. Not defensive at all, why would you say that? I would have thought you would would agree that she needs to establish a precedent should anything occur. If I had documented everything my ex did to me like I should have, he wouldn't be getting out of prison in 2010. But I didn't, so he is. IMO it's better to be safe than sorry.....or dead.
Author xxbaddgurl83xx Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 How can I run a virus scan? When it comes to computers I don't really know too much. He told me that he didn't use spyware, he was just able to access my aol instant messenger to see who i was chatting with. I don't know how else he could do that unless he used something like spyware. He doesn't know my aim password. Hes getting crazy. Hes even gone as far as to enter my myspace account and post phony bulletins as me. That right there would be considered a form of identity theft, wouldn't it? But still I can't prove any way that it is him.
CaliGuy Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Search google for spyware or keylogger scanning programs. If you find one, be sure to get rid of it. Then change your passwords to everything. That will work faster than getting the police involved. Change your phone number next. Yes, all these things are a pain, but they are necessary. Once they are done if he makes any further attempts to contact/harrass you, then get the police involved. DO document everything you have found and if you are concerned about your wellfare, then go ahead and get the police involved now. So far he sounds obessive, but you can't be too careful nowadays.
penkitten Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 un install your aol instant messanger then re install it under a different user name only add the names of people you know are not him, if you met someone on there that you think is actually him pretending to be someone else , do not add them under your new user name. you can also just change all your user names on all your accounts to get rid of him.
amaysngrace Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 you can also pick up a voice recorder to catch him saying what he's doing. it'll be hard for him to back out of that. you can buy one at radio shack, but get it before you change your number. sneaky, i know, but that's what my divorce lawyer told me to do and you would not believe the leverage it created just knowing i had him. it's well worth the money to have the upperhand in certain situations. it gives you breathing room! 1
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