Guest Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I feel like my husband does not appreciate me, takes me for granted. I am the one who cooks, cleans, takes care of the children & make sure things in the household run smoothly. I do appreciate what he does as far as his role, so I treat him real well, and always thank him for things he does for us. I think I have gone unnoticed, for too long. I have told him time and time again I need more from him, emotionally. I need to feel loved, period. If he treated me the way I treated him, I would definatly do what I could to please my spouse. I dont want to end up finding myslef in some sort of emotional or worse, physical affair all because I feel thins lacking at home. Sometimes I think seperation, maybe that will wake him up? Does it work? Maybe a few days without me he may start to appreciate me again.
Xillr8ng Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 My wife WOKE me up when she left...It's a shocker for sure...Only problem is she stayed gone and now divorcing...She said exactly the same things as you about her needs not getting met.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Here is what you do before you separate. Go see an attorney and find out what your legal rights are. Then, sit him down and tell him that you've been unhappy for a long time now, and that you feel like your needs are not being met. He isn't listening to you or hearing how serious it is. Tell him that you're prepared to separate unless he agrees to go to marriage counseling with you. You have to be prepared to walk if he refuses. I was in your exact situation two years ago. I ended up having an affair. Do NOT let it go that far until you tell him you're prepared to walk unless he starts trying to meet your needs. My ex didn't wake up until it was too late and I was packing my boxes.
fomerlyniceguy Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I guess it depends on how much your willing to risk. Things like seperation can really backfire on you if you feel like that is your only option. Not knowing your conversations with him, just saying you aren't meeting my needs is not enough. You have to say "I am unhappy." This is why, you don't show me enough affection, you don't help enough around the house, etc. This is how I would like you to meet those needs, give me a hug every now and then for no reason, take out the trash, etc, etc. He probably feels like he is meeting your needs in other ways and doesn't know how to go about meeting what you really need from him. Spell it out for him. I knew my wife was unhappy, but I had no idea what it was that would make her happy. I tried many different things and none of them made anything any better. She wanted me to read her mind basically. Now then say if you don't feel like you can do that then we have a problem and maybe it is time to find a professional to help. If you are met with resistence then it is time to say ok. I am not sure I can stay in this relationship. You have to be willing to open yourself up to what you need from him, otherwise you are just gambling with your marriage. If he doesn't know exactly what you need and want then seperation is not going to magically fix things, he may realize he lost you and try different things to get you back, but if he doesn't know what you are looking for then none of that will help. Good luck.
catgirl1927 Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 IME, before separation, you should sit him down and say look, I am unhappy. Then list specific things that make you unhappy. For me, I was sick of him not helping with money, I was upset that he had lied to me for so long and told me he was working when he wasn't and that he wasn't getting paid anything when he was. I was tired of coming last after all of his family. I was tired of him putting me down for working hard and wanting better than what I had, like a better paying job or a nice house. Be specific about what's bugging you and then determine if he's willing to fix it. In my case, my ex was not willing to do a damn thing, he was too lazy and he made the mistake of thinking I was chicken to get a divorce. He panicked when I told him I wanted one, not because he loved me but because he liked living in my nice, big, sinful house with all his bills paid and driving the nice new sinful truck I helped him buy. Stand up for yourself, but in the interest of fairness, tell him exactly what's making you unhappy. If you just say "I'm unhappy" and "You're not meeting my needs" he thinks it's just general bitching and dismisses it at some kind of PMS induced rant. Don't give him that out.
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