New, , Broken.

[punkgirlco]

So I'm new to this place. I came because I'm seeking help. and heres a little back story.

 

I was in a 2 year relationship about a year ago. The guy was sweet, but the only reason we stayed together for 2 years was because I kept talking myself and him back into everytime any of us had doubts. It was good in the fact that we were together for alot of transitional periods, like finishing highschool, first years of college, and alot of personal things in between. but besides that it was kind of a waste. After He and I finally split, I made a promise to myself that I would not jump into another realtionship. If anything I was sticking to dating until I found someone who was worth all the time, energy, and emotion. I was going to stay out of relationships until I found that someone. and I stuck to this. >enter the one<

 

He and I were wonderful together. He was differnt, he wasn't the normal kind of guy I dated, he was the kind of guy all my male friends are, he was the kind of guy I had always wanted to be with. The start of our relationship was full of 7 hour conversations before bed, and constant talking and texting, and e-mailing throughout the day. Our physical interaction was limited because we lived an hour away from one another. He lives in the city I'm going to grad school in. But when we were together we were amazing.

Eventually we had a conversation that lead to "I love you". and he asked me if I was his girlfriend. I was incredbly apprehensive, because while we had discussed why we were single, I never mentioned that I wasn't going to cultivate a realtionship until I thought the person I was with could be forever. I called him brave, and then told him how I felt, and instead of running which is what i expected, he said he felt the same, he was 25 done with the dating run around, and was ready to settle down, and he had every intention of marrying the next girl he was with, and he wanted it to be me.

 

Now we fast forward. We've had our problems over the course of the raltionship, mostly dealing with the distance, but when Winter break came all that changed because I was pretty much living with him on the weekends, then when the new semester started I was unable to go back to school for financial reasons, so I lived with him 5 out of 7 days a week pretty much, while I was trying to find a job and cope with some faily related issues. occasionally he'd ask me not to come up for the weekend because he wanted alone time, which was fine, because I was still trying to tie up some loose ends and get things taken care of so I could move and switch schools and stuff.

 

Now I've been having alot of trouble at home, I'm the baby of the family and up until a few monthes ago I refused to stand up for myself, and my family hasn't been to fond of my new sense of independance. I've also lost alot of friends in the past few motnhes, and my health has been out of wack. I'm bi-polar and have devolped a high anxiety problem, I have a heart condition that has flared up, and I haven't been able to get to the doctor.

I could feel myself going down, but had the comfort and the support of my loving other half who would have done anything to help me, and took care of me, and we spent alot of time talking about getting married next st. patricks day.

 

Then came last week. I was up at his place, and everything was great, we dicussed wedding dates and talked about getting me an engagement ring. we were going to ry and have dinner with my family who was going to be up in town, but he had prior plans and wasn't sure if he could make it. He kissed me and hugged me goodbye, told me he'd hopefully see me in a few hours, if not I'd see him in a few days, we even had special plans for the next sunday. He couldn't make it to dinner but I wasn't concerned, and then it dawned on my, that the next week would mark my cursed 6 month mark. Every realtionship I have had since Middle school has ended 6 monthes, (the guy for two years? yeah he tried and I actualy told him no we were not breaking up for at least another week, where that extra year and a half came from I'll never know). But I pointed the 6 month thing out to him, and he was excited that we were about to hit it. Life was grand.

 

He had a headache monday so we didn't talk much, his headache was worse tuesday, so he had a dismal outlook on the rast of the week, and said he wasn't sure if he wanted me up that weekend. I said we'd talk about it in a couple of days and see how he was feeling, he said ok I love you, I'll talk to you later.

 

Later that night I got a text saying

 

"I think I need to take some time for a bit to think about us."

I responded with, what happened??

he told me he was just having some issues with himself.

I told him goodnight before I tried to go to bed, and that I would let him know how my doctors appointment went the next day.

 

I didn't hear back from him that night, but I had other things to worry about, like the doctors appointment, which turned out bad, and The doctor basiclly told me I was looking at intensive physical therapy and I was to discontinue dance, probablly for good, and that I was to stay alive two more weeks which was when he could fit me in for a heart appointment but he wasn't happy by the symptoms and e was concerned, which upset me greatly. I came home from the appointment and cried for a very long time, and I decided I'd tell him later but I wanted to try and sleep for awhile and calm down first.

 

I awoke to the sound of my phone and these three TEXT messages from him:

 

"I love you very much and I want you always know that. But my heart is with someone else, and I don't think I can do this relationship anymore."

 

"I will always love you. and care about you. and maybe we can work this out later on down the road, but as for now I'm going to have to break it off."

 

"This hurts me alot to do, and I still want to talk to you, and I am sorry."

 

 

Basiclly I had a melt down, I was texing him like crazy trying to get information out of him, and guilt tripping him the usual. and I then apologized several hours later, because I shouldn't have acted that way. we didn't speak thurday, but I broke and said hi at 1:30 on friday morning, to which I got no response, and then friday afternoon, i texed him while he was at work asking if we could talk when he got off, that it was really important" and he asked me what I wanted to talk about, he didn't feel good and still had a headache so that night we texted and I told him how I felt about everything and I asked him to please explain what happened, which he said he couldn't text but he would e-mail me the next day,

 

and this was exactly what he wrote to me:

[FONT=Courier New]i been having some troubles thinkin and making logical decisions the last few days i went to somebody about this problem (not my mom) i seek help from them to help clear my head and i told them about everything goin on and they helped me figure out that my heart is not in our relationship and its with someone else and i figured all this on my own they had no influence on my thoughts and i came to the conclusion now would have been better to do it before things got more serious it hurt me to do it but i feel it had to be done and it feels right i still have feelings for you i would like to be friends with you and stuff i just cant continue an intimate relationship with you for now and who knows it may work out again but as of now it wont and im sorry about the pain i brought you i almost put a bullet in my head thinkin about all this thats how bad i felt but im doin a bit better my headaches are getting worse and wont go away im just a f***ing mess lately but thats pretty much whats goin on [/FONT]

 

 

This was the reason I got for why he up and dumped me, out of no where. and I really can't fathom that this is the end, or if this is what is really going on. It dawned on me wfter reading this, that he his schizoafective, which is half bi-polar and half schizofrenic, and I'm worried that this had something to do with it, and it also made me concerned about some of the things he said, and I'm just at a complete loss, I tried talking to my friends, but they're not much help, because they are just trying to make me feel better as opposed to actually discussing what happened and why.

 

 

I know this message is long and drawn out, and complicated, but I really just need imput on anything, on any aspect, Please I'm begging for help.

 

 

~T~

[clandestinidad]

Oh sweetie...what a shock! And horrible timing since you have your health issues going on too. I really hope youre doing alright, and remembering to take the time to take care of yourself.

 

Do you know what he meant about "my heart is with someone else"? Had you ever heard about someone else in his life?

[punkgirlco]

I asked him who it was. it was just some girl named crystal. I've only heard her name in passing conversation, and she texted him when we first started dating and was complaining about being single and lonely, and asked if he was still single. He told her no, I'm actually with my girlfriend now. She said oh, sorry, I hope she a cool girl and you guys have fun. Thats the only thing I've ever heard about her. I don't even think they dated...

 

But I have the distinctive feeling that she was the person he talked to about his problems, which is why he made such a big deal about them not influcing him...

 

I'm just trying to survive right now, and hope things start to look up soon.

[pistol]

That sounds like a horrible situation. What are your goals now do you want the two of you to get back together?

[punkgirlco]

Despreately. I don't feel this diecion had much behind it. I think it was incredibly impsive or something. I want us to follow through with al the plans we've made. I can't shake the feeling that this isn't what he wants, I just don't know what to do.

[skeptik224]

Just taking a guess, but I'd say that he and Crystal had some kind of connection prior to you. He may not have mentioned it, but it sounds that way to me. What's important now is you taking care of yourself. I'm sure spending this energy on him will effect your health as well.

 

Give him space and time to breath. Don't keep texting/calling/e-mailing him. This is now your time to be strong. Don't follow old patterns. Lessons are there for a reason. Learn from your past relationship in that you need to change the way you go about things.

 

As hard as it is, you need to let him go - for now. You don't want him to come back to you out of guilt. Wouldn't you rather him come back because the love you both shared was that strong? I know it's hard...trust me...I know. When you feel like getting in contact with him, post here. Most importantly, take care of yourself.

[punkgirlco]

I know I need to focus on myself right now. I know and I try, but its so hard. Esspecially since he's the one who has been pushing me to stand up to my parents (I've been asking for a doctors appointment for 4 monthes) and do what I need to do. He's also been the one who's been scared of something being incredibly wrong with me, and the one who's threatend to take me to the hospital when he thought something bad was happening. He says he still cares about me and that he wants to be friends and that he still loves me, so it's not easy to go to the doctor and let him know whats going on.

 

I just want to call him so bad, and I'm going to have to go up to his apt some time soon because I have so much stuff there (my entire cd collection, clothes, my portfoilo, and random stuff like that) but I'm afraid to see him, I've tried to be so strong, not go running to him, or cry, or tell him I think he's making a huge impulsive mistake. I'm used to hearing goodnight, I'm used to saying good morning. Life has just been so crazy lately and with this on top of it I'm at the end of my rope.

[riobikini]

Here's a big hug>

 

You can use it about now.

 

(Smile)

 

Despite being, perhaps, estranged from your family, -you probably need them, now, and it would be a very good idea to get back in touch with them and let them know all that's going on with you, -especially with the medical issues.

 

I know the questions are eating you up, at this very moment, but it'll probably be a while before more of the picture comes into focus concerning why your boyfriend -your fiance, actually- did such a turn-about.

 

I'm sure your story has touched and shocked everyone on the board, who has read it, -but if you look around in the forums, you will find other tragic stories of people who have suffered devastating heartbreak and disappointment and are (or have been) working through it, are muddling through the details, and are hanging on.

 

You hang on, too.

 

All this will become history, you will get through it, and the pain of it will subside.

 

PGC, life is never certain, in that it will always bring you what you hoped for, -but one thing is certain: each day unveils itself to a new opportunity to change how we look at things.- -which may be just enough to get us through to the next day, the next step, the next level.

 

None of us are guaranteed smooth sailing through life.

 

We may not be able to change some of the circumstances, which are beyond our control, but we can learn to deal with them better.

 

I know this sounds like your mother talking, (Smile), -but I believe in every word I say here, and have lived long enough to know it's true.

 

These things are also true: there is a tomorrow, you will not always feel this way, you will be able to look back on this as an amazing learning experience, and there will be another -more special- and meaningful relationship one day which will be the 'one' you have always hoped for.

 

I hope I have said something that will help you here.

 

All of it is sincere.

 

All of this is going to pass.

 

And you will get through it.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio