WeaknPowerless Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I don’t want to say I have any real regrets, simply because I was under certain assumptions about things and I really was happy at one time. And if things remained like they were, I didn’t have regrets then either, so it’s a bit unfair to complain about how things were. But there are things now that frustrate me, and I want her to know them, but through this site (because I know this is the right way to vent, thanks LS ). They are mostly superficial, but I’m not big enough to let them go…sorry to disappoint my fans out there. • I resent that we bough all sorts of furniture and created a home together, only for you to walk out on me. Why would you suggest/go along with this when you never had the intention of stay? If I wanted to buy a new bedroom set, mattress, living room furniture, tv, etc…I would have done so regardless of you or not. But WE decided TOGETHER to do these things; to make OUR living space better. I don’t need half this stuff when all it does is remind me of our failed life. Not that having nice things isn’t nice, it’s just the whole meaning of us doing it together. If you were just some girl, like it turns out you were, I never would have agreed to these things. • I’m also a little pissed off that, after going through my personal possessions and trying to eliminate the reminders of you, how easy it actually was. Do you know how many sentimental things I had to throw out from you? A very small handful. One birthday card and a few notes (notes that I saved, which weren’t sweet or romantic mind you, just ones I saved from you stating you were just going out or whatever). Not that I am a sappy romantic, but you did nothing sentimental for me. I guess that speaks volumes. Not all guys are “hard” and don’t care for those sorts of things. You know damn well how much I went out of my way to do the cute things for you when you woke up and got home, etc…and how good it made you feel. I’m quite astounded actually by your lack of giving. • More then anything, I am haunted by your promises and “our” plans we made for the future. Seriously. I’m not so naïve that any girl I am with, I immediately fall in love with and figure this is “the one”. If I didn’t feel you were so important and worth it, there is no chance in hell that I would have committed to you. There is no chance that I would have loved the idea of us moving away, starting a family and getting married. You built this up in me, just like I built things up in you. That’s the way it works, and I hate that I committed that sort of emotional energy to you. Why couldn’t I have seen that you were just “another girl”? Life would have been so much easier. We could of enjoyed our short time together, and I wouldn’t have these resentments towards you. Yes I do have a lot of problems with you now, and these are just a few of them. You know what the biggest ones are, but these are the ones I can talk about without causing a melt down. I love you, miss you, and I am incapable of letting you go forever simply because of how deeply I fell in love with you and how you made me feel. It just so happens that I also hate how I was used and how you crushed me and humiliated me. See my problem? It has to be this way, and I hate it. You are fading from my thoughts, slowly, and I am getting stronger and better; I just was ready for the life that we started, and I’m deeply saddened that you aren’t the one…really. I wish it were all different and you weren’t the person you turned out to be. It’s amazingly hard to comprehend. Most of us never find the right person; that may be sad, but when you think you have and its taken away, that is downright depressing.
CaliGuy Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Writing is cathartic. Better off venting here than sending it to her.
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