Bellona Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Hello all, The guy I've been dating for 4 months is coming over to talk tonight. I initiated a talk with him on Friday about feeling taken for granted. I presented my case in a calm manner,and he said he's glad I said something and he's sorry if I felt like I was on the backburner. He has a lot of things going on, and has wondered if he has time for a gf because he has taken on many responsibilities lately. I was more concerned about choosing time with the guys over a quality evening with me on a more regular basis. Saturday night, he called me and asked if I would come over. I was glad to get the invite and got to his place. No answer when I knocked. I didn't see his car outside either. I got really worried, but then I wondered if it was a game. I kept calling and calling and still got no answer. I left a heartfelt note to say that I had been there, and if it was a game I am heartbroken. I am worried about the number of times I called that night (psycho stalker), but I was really worried that something bad had happened or I was being duped. The next morning, I went to his place. He was there, but didn't have much time to talk. He explained what happened: he had passed out there. His car wasn't there because he had had too much to drink and got a ride home. So, that was it. I was relieved but all the frustration had upset me. I never yelled at him, just cried a little. He took me in his arms and held me, said he was sorry for what happened. I didn't get to see him again last night, but we talked on the phone for about an hour before we went to bed. At the end of the call, he said he'd swing by my place after his class team meets this evening so we can have the talk I wanted. I didn't tell him earlier that I wanted to talk about it more. I said it's water under the bridge. He said that he'd help me put my new pictures up and we should recap the events of the past few days and talk. I said ok, it'll be good to get back on the same page. He said, "Yes, we'll get on the same page and move on." Should I be expecting a break-up, or does it sound like we're gonna talk things out? What can I do? I don't want to break up. I hope I didn't screw things up the other night. What he did doesn't change my feelings for him. Thanks.
kitten chick Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 It sounds like you have different ideas of what constitutes being in a relationship and he doesn't sound like he's ready for a girlfriend. Are you guys relatively young?
Author Bellona Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 It sounds like you have different ideas of what constitutes being in a relationship and he doesn't sound like he's ready for a girlfriend. Are you guys relatively young? We're both in our twenties. I don't mind him going out with his friends. I let him go out of town with his friends and I don't call him and pester him about what he's doing, who is he with. We talk on the phone if we don't see each other, and that's ok. What I've had an issue with is lately, he spends his free evenings (doesn't have to get up early the next day, can stay out) with his friends and the other evening with me and doesn't feel like doing anything. When this consistently occurs, it makes me feel taken for granted. That's all I told him. Things were ok when we talked last night. I reiterated to him that I'm not changing his routine, I would just like to be able to go out with him one of those nights every once in a while. Otherwise, I feel invisible, like I'm only an option when his friends aren't getting together. We've never had an argument before. Only one or two minor issues that were straightened out right away. I don't want to lose him, but he had to know how I felt. I said it calmly. He regrets going out and drinking with his friend. I am not holding it against him. I was more worried about him than angry. I'm not angry right now -- just hoping that we can talk this out and stay together.
kitten chick Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Well if he is willing to change and make some compromises then I understand you wanting to stay with him. If he isn't willing to make changes and compromises then why would you want to stay with him? Also, relationships in your early 20s are usually very different than those in your late 20s. If he's in his early 20s he may grow out of his need to party but if he's in his late 20s and this is his behavior it might be best for you to move on. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear.
Author Bellona Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 Well if he is willing to change and make some compromises then I understand you wanting to stay with him. If he isn't willing to make changes and compromises then why would you want to stay with him? Also, relationships in your early 20s are usually very different than those in your late 20s. If he's in his early 20s he may grow out of his need to party but if he's in his late 20s and this is his behavior it might be best for you to move on. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear. I'm 24, and he's almost 27.
Forever Searching Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I hope I didn't screw things up the other night. What he did doesn't change my feelings for him. Thanks. YOU hope YOU didn't screw things up? If I were you I'd be not speaking to HIM for a few days!!! He sounds immature and not ready for a girlfriend.
Author Bellona Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 YOU hope YOU didn't screw things up? If I were you I'd be not speaking to HIM for a few days!!! He sounds immature and not ready for a girlfriend. He has a lot on his plate right now. Yeah, sounds like I'm making excuses. I can see from his point of view, but I guess it comes down to deciding if juggling a relationship is worth it at this point. He didn't have as many things going on until this past month.
Forever Searching Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Well good luck to you!! I hope you work things out for the better!!!
Author Bellona Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 Well good luck to you!! I hope you work things out for the better!!! Thank you, I will need it. This is the first time we've had a problem. There has been no shouting or blaming up to this point, either. I am hoping to talk things over, set some guidelines tonight if need be, and see what happens. I think if he wanted to break things off, he wouldn't have thanked me for my patience or talked to me for nearly an hour before going to bed. He would have just set up a talk for tonight and left it at that.
clynn Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Wow!! That happened to me once!!! Exactly same thing. Guy called me over to his place, when I got there - no answer. Turns out - he'd passed out. I dumped him. But if you really like him.... But DON"T you feel bad. you did nothing wrong!
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