Thirty-something Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Ever since I found out about my Husbands affair, he has been so jealous! During his affair, I knew something was wrong because he never paid attention to me. Now, sicnce the crap hit the fan, things are over, he is so jealous, its getting so annoying! He will point out men that check me out and ask me if I like it, or them. If a guy talks to me, he has to be right there. He doesnt want me to go out with my freinds, and makes it difficult for me to do so. I wonder is his jealousy sign that he is being faithful to me? He is not crazy jealous, but obviously very jealous and protective. Why? He never cared before?
reservoirdog1 Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 It's one of a couple of things, or perhaps all of them. 1) He's come out of the affair-induced "fog", as it's called, and sees it as possible that you'll stray in order to get even. Even if that's totally beyond the scope of anything you'd do, he can still perceive it as a possibility. 2) Can't remember if it's called projection or transferrence (Freudians, help me out), but he's seeking to alleviate his guilt by convincing himself that you're just as capable of cheating as he was. But, I agree -- it's a little strange, intellectually, that the CHEATER feels jealous concerning any sexual attention paid to the one they betrayed. In my case, WXW was a serial cheat. We split because she didn't want to reconcile. VERY quickly after we separated, I slept with another woman. I told WXW this in the midst of a phone fight a few days later. And it bothered her, on and off, for months after that. (Her greatest line: "I can't believe you slept with somebody else already. It's like I didn't mean anything to you.") That was jealousy... and yet, she was the one who'd wanted to split up.
jonesgirly Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 a retaliatory affair is a very real explanation for his behavior. He cheated on you, you found out, whats to stop you from wanting to gain some 'equal footing'? I know, I know, its the furthest thing from your mind right now, but it seems like men, in particular, acquire this thought process after the 'discovery' by their wives (not ALWAYS just men - just seems like more common male-thinking).
AJS Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I went through this myself. I had the A, after I told my H, I was so afraid he was going to do it to me. He loves you, probably thinks that because he was able to have an A, that you are capable of doing the same. That's how I felt anyway. You might want to talk to him about it, I did with my H and now everything is fine. Take Care.
sylviaguardian Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Probably because he realises that he's reneged on his side of the marriage, therefore it will probably be easier for you to do it now. Also, he realises that you might not see him through quite so rosy-tinted specs now. Gotta admit that since I found out about my husband's affair I seem to be checking out other men a lot more. Guess it' s been a kind of wake-up call. To be honest, I would be a bit pissed with if my husband acted all jealous after having an affair, especially if he makes it difficult for you to go out. You have done nothing wrong so none of this is justified.
catgirl1927 Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 It's his guilty conscience. I wonder if maybe when someone cheats it wouldn't actually make them feel BETTER to get cheated on, because then the two of you are on equal footing. Maybe he's pointing out all the other guys around you to bring attention to the easy availability of other sex, to make himself feel better about cheating, like because temptation is everywhere then how could he have been expected to resist it. OR, maybe he's scared you're going to treat him the way he treated you.
HopefullHub Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Here's an analogy that might help explain it: If you shot someone in the leg, and witnessed how much it hurt them, and felt the guilt associated with doing something stupid like that, would you want them to turn around and shoot you in the leg?
Thirty-something Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Here's an analogy that might help explain it: If you shot someone in the leg, and witnessed how much it hurt them, and felt the guilt associated with doing something stupid like that, would you want them to turn around and shoot you in the leg? I guess I can asuume that the jealousy is, in a sense, a good thing. He does tell me alot to have an affair to even the "score", but says he does not want to know about it. I tell him it is not on the top of my priority list. I think he has realised that I am an extremly sexy woman, who could probably get a handful of men if I really tried. I think he now sees this. His friends tell him all the him how stupid he was, is, what the hell was he thinking and how he does not deserve me. They also tell him if he does not want me, they gladly would, and would treat me so good I would never leave. What friends say that? Maybe this is where the jealousy is from? It surprised me to hear his friends say that, I thought they all stuck together?
silktricks Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 My H was insanely jealous while his EA was going on and then for about 2 months after. Now (almost 2 years later) things are back to normal.
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