I don't want to lose her.

[JohnnyC]

I tend to f*ck up relationships, either by not paying enough attention, or paying too much attetion to her. I've been out of the dating loop for quite sometime, and have recently (1.5 months ago) met someone who I absolutely adore.

 

I'm insecure in these regards. I haven't had alot of luck in dating / relationships in the past, and I'm nearly 99% certain that this time I have a good chance at working toward a very lasting / rewarding relationship with her.

 

What are some things that I can do, or possibly "we" can do, that will help us bond more, other than sex / parties. I don't want to let her slip away because I am insecure about losing her (a common self-fulfilling prophecy), and I need to get out of this rut.

 

I tend to find women who always seem "perfect" for me, possibly because I'm easy to get along with and actually listen to what they say (usually), and I truly want to be in a relationship with them, but for some reason, I can get it to the front door of a relationship with them, but get lost at that point, and it ultimately ends up in a series of ever distancing nights of meaningless sex and the downward spiral of arguments begin, until at some point, we can't do it anymore.

 

I am almost frantic to find ways to not let this happen again, my GF means so much to me and I love her truly. I know the reasons for my insecurity about this, I just don't know how to prevent it.

 

Maybe my definition of "relationship" is askew. I define it as being 2 people who come together as a single unit, as well, they are seperate entities that persue their own goals and ventures. They work together to insure each other's success personally as well as in the "unit" of the relationship. "Interdependence" is another word that may apply to this concept.

 

Anyhow, I know I'm rambling on about a few things, due to my lack of sleep and utter confusion / frantic nature of this topic, but hopefully someone can extract what I'm getting at here, and enlighten me.

 

Cheers,

JC

[tikigods]

I think your problem is that you are worried about losing her that you can't just enjoy her. If you really get down to it, unless this is teh person you marry and die with when you are old, then we are always going to "lose" the person that we are with, and if you do worry about it like this then in the end you don't walk out of the relationship with anything more then when you left besides a sense of I don't know the world I am thinking of but a sesne of that wasn't a good relationship.

 

Spend time with her, listen to what she says, do tihngs with her, and otherwise just enjoy being with her and being in a relationship. Step back for a minuet if you start to worry, you haven't lost her yet, but girls and guys don't like to be with people who are always worring about things like that

[yawhatever]

I suggest have some fun, go out and do stuff, there is tons that you can do, entertainment is key, show her a good time, so when you do get intimate with her it will be that much better.

 

Its a very rewarding feeling when the girls into you so much, puts you right up there, in control, and her wanting you more will feel truly spectacular, I know it because I have done it this way with many of my previous gfs, and the ones that I failed with was mostly cuz of wanting to get to the point too fast.

 

Some things you can do:

 

- Go for a drive, listen to music

- talk, over some coffee or other bevrage, or maybe a meal

- Movies r ok for later dates, but I think its better to go on dates u can communicate on

- Bowling, pool , foosball, mini golf, arcades, laser tag, day at the beach, picknick

- camping, discuss current events, go shoppping, there are just so many things you can do..

[riobikini]

Two important opposites to consider: smothering her and making her feel abandoned by you.

 

I've had experiences with both those extremes, and the thing that really bothered me and confused me most, was that, in both cases, they pursued the relationship so intensely, and then killed it with one of those very tools of destruction.

 

There is a happy medium, and you do have to put some effort into finding where that ground is.

 

When you finally land on it, dance around a little, now and then, -just to keep the interest level up to par.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio