SoDeepWithinYou Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I'm fed up with this whole situation and i need help to turn it around. We've been together for 8 months and every week its the same story! *I ask him when i can see him...because he never asks to spend time with me. Sometimes i wonder if i didnt ask to see him would i see him at all...would he or does he miss me? *He gives me one or two times when i can see him during the week which always involves me sitting on my own while he does his work. *He never makes anymore arrangements to see me during the week unless i moan at him to. *If he has a night off work he never ever arranges to spend it with me, his first choice is to go out with his mates. I think it's because he see's ''me watching him do his work'' as spending time with me. *Almost every single time i do see him he's hungover or knackered from the night before, pays no attention to me and falls asleep all the time and just doesn't have the energy for anything. *He never rings me or texts me anymore, i'm always ringing and texting him. Also whenever he says 'I'll ring you back' or 'I'll ring you later' he never does so i end up ringing him. Its like he's letting me chase after him and run around him showing him affection all the time being there at a moments notice...i feel like im doing all the work to keep the relationship a relationship! *He isn't sharing with his feelings for me anymore...every once in a while he'd remind me that he loves me and why he loves me...you know just a few little words nothing huge. Today i'm kinda feeling hurt by his behaviour the last time i saw him...i'd rang him the night before to see what he was up to because i hadn't seen him at all that week, turns out he had the night off and he'd already made plans to go out with his mates and didn't bother asking me to come along he just said 'i'll ring you later' which he never did as usual. So the next day i asked him to come round he did and he was hungover, knackered, untalkative etc so i thought fair enough we'll go for a walk tomorrow and spend time together. We went for the walk...it was cold...but he was really...not himself....distant, untalkative...and kinda moody like he was thinking 'i wish i wasn't here'. Well...because i'm feeling rather hurt and unwanted...i wasnt sure whether or not to see him tonight....because...he only suggested that i see him tonight because i moaned at him because he only gave me one night which i could see him this week...and that night involves watching him work so i moaned so he's given me another night where i can sit and watch him work. It's like...he would have been happy just seeing me the once during the week while i sit on my own and he does his work. Also i'm pretty sure he's got the night off on wednesday and i bet he's spending it with his mates because the only time im seeing him this week is on monday and thursday while hes working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like putting the brakes on and pulling away from him...not ringing him or texting him all the time...not arranging to see him and having plans and excuses not to see him....not cuddling him and showing him affection like i always do...and see if he turns things round....let me know what you think...let me know anything!! any advice! anything please! it's driving me nuts!, thanks guys.
tikigods Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I say ditch this guy, it doesn't sound like he wants to do any work when it comes to you, and he knows that you will be at his beck and call whenever he needs you for a few. Find someone that wants to spend time with you cause this guy doesn't
yawhatever Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I think your being too pusy and your repelled. I remember a situation similar in my life, I was dating a girl and we had fun making out whatever, then none of us would call eachother until we bumped into eachother by accident (We lived close). And then we'd be like uhh Y u never call me and all that, and she was like "oh i thought you didnt like me", and I said yeahh ofcourse I like you. Ofcourse I was not like super obsessed with her or pusy, I was just like "ya whatever", so then she would the one calling me, etc.. etc.. and I really didn't like her that much, she was a good looking girl but I didn't feel anything beyond that for her. I think the tables can easily be turned in this situation if you make yourself more desirable by not always giving him what he wants, let him call you, tell him even "oh I am busy now but how about we hang out this and this day". Oh and I can also relate to the fact about doing work, I always did work around my last gf, and I thought of it as spending time with her but apparently it wasn't fun for her, as much as I enjoyed her company and loved her, it just wasn't fun. She also didn't like it when I would bring my mates and her as well, so eventually we had a big fight over that and other issues, she cheated on me and that was that. I really think you should stop being so clingy... this will only drive him fruther away from you.. The first situation I mentioned if that girl was so clingy (and yes I had a situation like that before), the girl was annoying me, like calling me all the time, I got sick so she came over and brought me flowers, It was just too easy, I thought it was too much, too fast, and I broke her heart by calling it off. If you dont want something like that to happen I would go against your logic and not call him, I know you must be thinking "Oh I dont want to play these games" but the truth is this is how us human beings think.. .. We don't like a sure thing. I hope this helps.
Forever Searching Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM!!! He doesn't give a crap about you at all!!
organic chemistry Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 I'm similar to u...being with my bf for 8 months and he's very very busy. He doesn't make plan to do anything fun anymore. We just eat lunch and dinner together. We r students and save money by cooking meals at home. No fancy dinner or a real date. I felt like a maid cooking meals for him. I felt like my existence was unneccessary. But my bf calls and msg me on his own all the time. I never call him on my own. And if he's so busy and not have time for me, he won't have time for his friends either. My bf isn't totally abandoning me but I feel bad enough to think about breaking up. In your case I think he's not really busy but just doesn't care. Break up with him.
justagirliegirl Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Yes before you completely give up on him, I do think you need to stop calling him, messaging him, etc. It sounds like he has gotten very lazy and letting you do all the work. I think there is a chance you can turn it around to where he is pursuing you which is what it should be. Don't make any more plans with him. Just stop contacting him and let him contact you. Don't always accept his plans either. If he wants to do the watch him work date...which to you is BORING with a capital B just decline and tell him you have other plans. If he doesn't come running on his best behavior, then move on.
catgirl1927 Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Why are you still with this guy? Disappear, find new things to do, forget about him. When he comes running back, take your time and decide if you think things will really change or if you can do better. I think you can...
Hungryhorse Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Hi SoDeep, feel you definitely need to stop chasing this guy and let him chase you, if he doesn't think you are worth it then you have lost nothing and saved yourself quite a bit of time to find someone else who would be only too happy to make time and treat you like a princess! People only treat you how you let yourself be treated. If he is on his way out well let him go and save yourself some time, you deserve better! I would try going out with some others and make yourself scarce, it might make him sit up and realise what he has got.
Becoming Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Look back over your original post. Why on earth would this be considered ok? And why on earth would you want this relationship? He doesn't want you. All his actions say this, yet you keep chasing him. Why? You deserve a person who will love you back. Go find him, but this guy isn't him.
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