blah1234 Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Is in 3 days. She told me about it because she didn't want to hide it from me. I'm really scared about it. Our relationship since the breakup has been very close to say the least (in fact it still feels like we are dating at times). Part of me really wants her to be happy, but another part of me really wants this guy to be a complete douche bag because I want her to realize that she wants to be with me. That's just wishfull thinking, I know. She told me that she wants me to "approve of him." and I told her that no matter what I wouldn't approve just because of the situation... I don't think she understood that, though. Man, life is really messed up and confusing and I just want this year to be over already.
tikigods Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I honestly think that 99% of the time people can't stay friends after a break up, like ever, maybe years down the road, but for the most part its just not there. I would say that its time for you to move on, not like go and date someone else right now, but realize that you guys ARE broken up and she will go on many more dates, and chances are when you are ready you will as well. I would suggest actually cutting contacts with her, things like this will only reopen the wounds and its easier to get over things if you don't have the reminders in your face all the time
Author blah1234 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 Cutting contact is not a good idea right now.
Art_Critic Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Cutting contact is not a good idea right now. what would you suggest you do ?
Ariadne Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 She told me that she wants me to "approve of him." Oh, what crap! Just NC her for a while. Good luck, Ariadne
tanbark813 Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Cutting contact is not a good idea right now. Actually it's your best option if you want her back. If you stick around you're basically acting as an emotional crutch while she finds someone new. If she's on her own, and the guy is a douche bag, then the added emptiness of missing you due to no contact will have her (possibly) reconsidering her decision. In addition, if it turns out she doesn't want you back at all, then you're on the path to heal yourself that much faster. It's win-win for you. At this point, any additional pain you have as a result of being in contact with her is your own fault. Do you really want to still be close to her when she f*cks someone else?
gfto Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Cutting contact is not a good idea right now. Yes, it is. When she tells you she needs space (or whatever break-up line she used), you smile and tell her you think it's a great idea......then disappear and forget about her.
Guest Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 This is a childish game If you broke up and now you're hurting, she can't expect you to be her emotional support right now. You need your space to get your head sorted out. Tell her, "Sorry, but I am in a position to approve or disapprove of your BF's right now. It's inappropriate for you to ask me to do that. Ask your girlfriends or your parents if you need approval. As for me, I need to move on and find my own happiness. I will always care for you and be your friend. But I can't sit and pretend that everything is just fine." You need to acknowledge that you are human and have feelings. Ultimately, she will respect you for it. Don't play silly games that destroy your integrity and self-respect
MadDog Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Yes, it is. When she tells you she needs space (or whatever break-up line she used), you smile and tell her you think it's a great idea......then disappear and forget about her. Im in 100% agreement. I think when people ask for "space," the appropriate response is to move on but lots of people are too hung up emotionally and can't do it right away. My whole attitude is if a girl doesn't recognize how good she's got it with me (cause I treat any girl I'm with really well), I'm going to find one who will. It's much easier to find a new person than to change one. MD
rude dude Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 She told me that she wants me to "approve of him." Oh, what crap! Just NC her for a while. Good luck, Ariadne Crap in-deed, she is either doing this to get you jealous or trying to piss you off. Cut all ties. SHE DATING SOMEONE ELSE!
Author blah1234 Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 yeah... I think I am going to go no contact. We actually tried no contact for one week, but she ended up calling me every day to hang out... which I thought was weird... and then she suggested that we be friends with benefits and told me that she "still might love me." Note that I didn't call her for that entire week, but there were times when she'd call me three times a day. However, after that week, I started calling her again and we had some fun times, but then this happened. I think I really have to act like I don't want/need to see her.
tikigods Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 who cares if she starts to stalk you in the bushes, you need to not answer the phone and ignore her
tanbark813 Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 then she suggested that we be friends with benefits and told me that she "still might love me." I hope you realize now that she only said that to get you to stick around and keep you on the back burner. If she really thought she might still love you, she would explore that with you directly and not be out with other guys. "Hey blah1234, I might still love you. Wait here while I go f*** this other guy and figure it out for sure." Come on, man.
Author blah1234 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 I don't think that she didn't mean it. I think she just said it because she was lonely. Now she's got this new guy and I don't think she'll be calling me any time soon. I've decided not to call her. Oh, by the way... I walked in on her making out with this dude.
tanbark813 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Sorry to hear that. Go rent Swingers and watch it with a case of your favorite beer.
Author blah1234 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 eh... I've never seen swingers and actually have no desire too. I don't even really know what it's about and therefore don't care.
Art_Critic Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 eh... I've never seen swingers and actually have no desire too. I don't even really know what it's about and therefore don't care. Why not ? if you don't know what it is about then how can you say that you wouldn't like it ?
Author blah1234 Posted March 8, 2006 Author Posted March 8, 2006 I never said I wouldn't like it... just that I don't care about seeing it.
tanbark813 Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 eh... I've never seen swingers and actually have no desire too. I don't even really know what it's about and therefore don't care. It's the best post-breakup movie for a guy that's out there, IMO.
Author blah1234 Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 Ok... last night I called her to tell her I want no contact. So, I left a message saying something along the lines of "I think we should stop seeing/talking to eachother for awhile blah blah blah... maybe I'll see you in a couple weeks. Bye." She didn't call back last night or today, so I figured she got the message and understood. Well, today she showed up at my room a couple of hours ago and asks for an explaination as to how I came to this decision. So, I told her that all the s*** that has gone down has been both our faults and I need some time for myself. Then she asks "how was it my fault?" So, I tell her I don't want to get into it because it will just make her feel bad/guilty and we'll talk it through when and if we ever decide to become friends again. Then she goes into this thing about how she wants to hear it and she wants to feel guilty. So, I think "whatever" and I list off all the reasons that this has been partially her fault. And she does the whole "I'm sorry" and gives me a big hug (I didn't hug back). So, I say "I'll call you eventually or you can call me sometime." But she leaves and tells me that she has to go take care of some stuff and she wants to call me later tonight to talk about it more. So, I just say "alright" while thinking that there isn't anything left to talk about... And this is where I am right now. When/If she calls, should I not answer? What should I say? Oh, and she wants to hang out with me and my friends next week...
tanbark813 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 No contact means you have no contact with her. This isn't rocket science, man. If she comes to your door, don't answer. If she calls, don't pick up.
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