Guest Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Hi, This forum is amazing and I relate to so many posts. I had an A with my boss who is married with 6, count them, 6 kids. He told me how he felt to try and "fix the problem" but it ended up stirring up this love and after a month of trying to not fall deeper in love - we did. We never had sex and while we were a little physical, our relationship is mainly about our emotional connection. He tried to move out, but because of church and job issues - he moved back in. He actually lost his job and is now looking for a new one. We have a very honest relationship and have been good friends for the last 3 years. We decided that the key factor was if he could be out of the house and away from his kids. He is now a broken man - no job, no church, lost respect, etc. and finally decided he couldn't leave his kids. I don't blame him. Not sure if becoming a step-mom to 6 kids was the life I was looking for either. But he loved and loves me so deeply and purely...truly in an unconditional way. We didn't want to live on hopes and promises that couldn't be fulfilled, so we ended things. This was only 5 months after he first told me he had deep feelings for me. I know this is for the best - I can't spend my life waiting and I don't know how fair it is for me to expect him to leave his family. We had started a business together - something we both love doing and we are great work partners, but we can't do that anymore because it would be too hard and he would have to hide it from his wife. I wanted to tell my story because almost no one knows and I would be...ummm...ostracized from my religious community for my actions. I am actually leaving my church for right now and moving out of my house and traveling on my own for a while. The hardest thing, like someone else said, is that this is two people who deeply love each other, choosing a different path. That is painful. We have always been honest throughout this process and I know he feels awful for my pain and I feel awful for seemingly destroying his life...but we both made decisions. I spent this weekend unable to leave my house...spontaneously crying every 30 minutes...and not changing or showering. I forced myself to get up today but I feel hollowed and desperately sad. I don't want to stop loving him and feel like moving on will invalidate our love and this pain is my only connection to him. I would love some support. Thanks for listening.
Walking away Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 My MM is a leader in his church. He can't leave due to that reason, amongst many others. He, too, would be ostracized from his church, not to mention from his friends, colleagues, and family....I have no answers, but to tell you I am walking away to save myself. The pain is intense...I love him and he loves me but it is tortured and complicated. I cannot share him with another. I will support you. There are many of us in the same boat...
Blind Illusion Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 You can also count on my support. I can understand how empty you are feeling. It's so difficult when you feel like someone completes your life so well and they aren't in it. Even if it is your choice.
Guest Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Thank you both for your support. It feels so good to know I can be heard and not judged and that I can respect our love and not turn it into something bad or wrong.
Walking away Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 The dynamics of these relationships are complicated and it is difficult for those who have not walked in these shoes to understand the pushes and pulls of the situation. I have NEVER felt like I have felt in the past six months. Both the good and bad. These are volatile relationships to endure....and the pain is incalculable to those involved, as we are finding out.
ahotmess Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 There really is nothing to say. Nothing makes this situation any easier. I agree with "walking away" the pain is incalculable. We made our bed....and now are suffocating in it. I took a leave of absence from work....am back now...luckily haven't seen him. Even deleted him from my phone...along with all of his text messages....but I know his number. I got a really bad sunburn today. I was telling my friend how I got a burn 10x worse last summer. I burst into tears because I remember how gentle MM was with me, when I insisted we make love. Even despite the terrible burn all over my body! It has now been two months or better since I've seen him. Everyday I think I heal a little more, yet everyday I realize I am a total train wreck. EVERYTHING reminds me of this man. I still want him in ways I have never felt before. He haunts my very soul. The pain is so awful. I hope that this gets easier. I am drowning right now. I feel like a time bomb....just waiting for the cracking point. I wish I could feel some type of anger or hate towards him, maybe it would make it easier....but I can't. You have my support....or atleast my sympathy/empathy.
lalaland Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Hi, We have a very honest relationship and have been good friends for the last 3 years. HA! You are the OW, and you think you have had an honest relstionship with you MM? Do you think it is only his wife he lies to? You must be in fantasy land.
scarletletter Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 A very tough situation. The only advice I can give is to stay busy and focus on yourself, your health, both mental and physical. Time heals all wounds but it really is hard during the time that you are waiting to feel better. I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep your faith and everything else will work itself out.
Guest Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 A very tough situation. The only advice I can give is to stay busy and focus on yourself, your health, both mental and physical. Time heals all wounds but it really is hard during the time that you are waiting to feel better. I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep your faith and everything else will work itself out. when i was younger, i never dated MM, even if i feel i was in love with them, i always though, the thing that you do to other good or bad, it will come back to you, you would feel the joy or the pain. Women you are human being and deserve better, true love, why to share your life with someone who has somebody else. if you don't love yourself, who will do it. belive in yourself and you will see how life will smile to you. I told my husband, the day that you leave me for another woman, it would be the most happy one in my life, you will give me the opportunity to meet the real one. I will see you later on , lonely, without love, becasue that's how people with this behabior ended.
Walking away Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Oh gosh, I feel for you. I am going to be walking through the same black hole soon. THIS is why I have been so reluctant to walk away from this man. I KNOW what I am going to go through, and I am not afraid to tell you that I am terrified of the whole gamet of emotions that I will endure. I am so sorry for you and for all of us going through the same emotions and heartwrenching pain. For whatever it is worth, it is comforting to know that I am not alone.
Guest Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Oh gosh, I feel for you. I am going to be walking through the same black hole soon. THIS is why I have been so reluctant to walk away from this man. I KNOW what I am going to go through, and I am not afraid to tell you that I am terrified of the whole gamet of emotions that I will endure. I am so sorry for you and for all of us going through the same emotions and heartwrenching pain. For whatever it is worth, it is comforting to know that I am not alone. I am in the same boat as well and terrified. I really love him but no commitment is going to happen so I already know I have to move around. We have been happy together but I have to move on. One year and one month today.
AZKHO Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 It is really hard situation and i am currently going through the same thing. Had to walk away from my MM, because i realized that it was never going to go anywhere. And if it is, then he needs to decide that, leave his wife and come to me. I am not spending my time waiting for that either. It is so hard. I had an emotional break down last night and called MM like an idiot and cried to him, it didn't really solve anything, he just told me the same things that i already know. So, try to stay strong, find things to fill your time with. I tried to hate my ex MM and it doesn't work. But i find myself thinking about him often and what i have started to do is say to myself i deserve better, i am better than that. Cause quite frankly, you deserve better too. You will be ok, i have faith in your recovery. It can be a long road, so don't linger in pity for too long, you will find yourself taking him back.. Good luck
Walking away Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Someone wrote in their post about giving our MM up for Lent. I think it is a great idea, but SO HARD to do. My MM has called me three times today. Like I have said before, it is so hard to walk away when feelings are still there.
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