Worried7 Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 My boyfriend confessed 2 months ago that he had sex with another girl during our LDR ( long-distance relationship) right before Christmas '04, and that was also right before he gave me my promise ring that he would be with me forever. I met him online & it was before we had met in person. But we had been together for a almost a year at that point that he cheated. He told me that he and this girl were just friends that work out together @ the gym. But once he told me that she was in his room at his house one day, I knew something had happened. And he also got off the phone to me to claim that she(his FRIEND) was calling and he'd talk later. I trusted him, so I didn't think a thing about it but now that I look back on it I clearly see what was going on. And it cuts like a knife..DEEPLY. I can just see them all over eachother. And he also says that it was no feelings attatched for him, but I don't know what is the truth anymore. I hope it only lasted for 3 weeks like he says and it wasn't a full on relationship like ours..I mostly hope that it wasn't love or feelings there either. He claims they were just " f*** buddies" but that she never knew about me. He even took her to a concert and held the phone up for me to hear the song he dedicated to me, while sitting next to her. I'm so angry when I think about it too much. And what also is worrying me is that I've been so paranoid that he's done it more than once b/c now that I look back on it I was paranoid so many times and trusted him and things changed so I just stopped thinking about it. But now that I look at our old e-cards and stuff like our anniversaries they all say " Look to the future of our relationship it will be great.." like our relationship isn't important NOW?? Another thing is, we broke up for 4 months and he dated another girl and said that at first they did have sex..then later said that he only said that to make me jealous for breaking up with him a few months earlier and he was SO sorrrry. But now it's like he always says she was " a naughty" girl and no one knows b/c she appears so innocent. What the hell does that mean? how would he know? did he lie so he wouldn't hurt me anymore? I'm working so hard to get over it, b/c our relationship is going sooo smoothly and perfectly right now and has for some time. I just don't know how to erase the fact that it happened, even though it's in the past. So please help me with tips on what to do b/c I would appreciate it so much. Sorry this was so long! I've got alot on my mind!! Lol Love u all, Worried7:bunny:
hiraka Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 You probably don't want to hear this, but to me it seems you really need to move on. Ignorance is bliss, but you probably know in your heart what you need to do. He cheated... can you forgive and forget? You said looking back that he probably cheated more than once... have you asked him straight out? How can the relationship be going smoothly if he has cheated on you? There has to be something wrong and I think you sense it. Go with the gut.. talk with him if you want to and take some time away to think, but it sounds like it was going smoothly for you before you learned all this...
BeFree Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Did you say he cheated on you before you met in person? If that's the case, I'm not sure you were really "together" How can you be with someone you have never been in the same room with?
Author Worried7 Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 Did you say he cheated on you before you met in person? If that's the case, I'm not sure you were really "together" How can you be with someone you have never been in the same room with? Yea that's true..and really it was only the first 2 months into our real " relationship" b/c before that we were off for a while for about 6 months. Then we met 2 months after he slept with her. He never told me til now b/c he didn't want to hurt me and that's the last thing he'd ever want to do and he started crying. And it's true because he's made me so happy & i'd never want to be with someone else.And I won't ever..but I need to know how to erase the fact that that happened, even though it didnt mean anything & it was all for fun and he was young & stupid. Cuz I'm telling you right now, this man loves me more than anything and would do ANYTHING for me. I just need to know how to forget what happened when he was younger. Thansk for replying, Worried7
hiraka Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Here is the thing, you can't completely erase the fact it happened. You need to figure out how to deal with it and get past it, not erase it. That is not how you deal with problems or conflicts. Also, this is LDR... keep in mind that sometimes what you think exists doesn't. Sometimes what you think they tell you isn't. Your story sounds so confusing, or I had a long day. He cheated on you when you were with him but never met? He gave you a promise ring after he cheated on you but have you even meet face to face yet? Have you at all even meet face to face yet? "Cuz I'm telling you right now, this man loves me more than anything and would do ANYTHING for me. I just need to know how to forget what happened when he was younger." Um, 2 months ago is him younger? So, now he loves you "more than anything" in 2 months after he cheats on you?
Author Worried7 Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 Here is the thing, you can't completely erase the fact it happened. You need to figure out how to deal with it and get past it, not erase it. That is not how you deal with problems or conflicts. Also, this is LDR... keep in mind that sometimes what you think exists doesn't. Sometimes what you think they tell you isn't. Your story sounds so confusing, or I had a long day. He cheated on you when you were with him but never met? He gave you a promise ring after he cheated on you but have you even meet face to face yet? Have you at all even meet face to face yet? "Cuz I'm telling you right now, this man loves me more than anything and would do ANYTHING for me. I just need to know how to forget what happened when he was younger." Um, 2 months ago is him younger? So, now he loves you "more than anything" in 2 months after he cheats on you?[/quote He confessed to me that he cheated recently, he cheated a long time ago.( he cheated 2 years ago)
Guest Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 How can your relationship being sooo smoothly when you're dating a 5 year old? SERIOUSLY, this guy is SO immature it's not even funny. I've always said this if you meet someone you're interested on the internet you need to MEET them before the two of you get into this "romance" mode with one another. Perhaps if you had you wouldn't of been blinded by emotions (that could be all based on falsehoods??) and seen him for what he really is early on. Save a cowboy and ride a horse right on out of this relationship..well unless you'd like to stay stuck with someone who doesn't know what love is and therefore can't properly love you and in a relationship setup for hurt
Guest Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 It is hard to move on, but deep inside its the best thing to do. I also have a LDR, we been together for almost 5 yrs. Even though I trust him, here and there I think about the possibility of another girl. Because, lets remember.... its easy for your next-door bf or gf to cheat/lie to you. Imagine, how much easier it is for your LD bf-gf to do the same. People behind this monitor are not 100% honest. Again, Yes it is hard to deal with hurtful decisions. I would be heartbroken if my bf told me he had sex with another girl. I always tell my bf that, if theres someone else in his life, to stay with her, because i would be able to live with it. I cant forgive and forget. I rather cry for a month, than to live the rest of my life with that "haunting" memory of him with another girl, while I trusted him and gave him the best of me.... TIME. Whenever, we engage in a relationship, we invest many things. Things we CAN NOT retrieve, such as money, possesions,and things of higher value such as time, feelings, thoughts. And if a person lies/cheats then that person doesnt deserve the best of your life. Like they say LIFE is SHORT. Dont toss out your precious time, with someone who says/promises to take care of you, but instead takes the best of you and others. If u invest the best of you, he/ she should too!! Or is time to move on. Just a though.... I know I feel horrible just to think my bf and I wont be together. Or after we have an arguement, its killer. Because, we love that person, but that person should love us too. We deserve it.
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