justhavetoletgo Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 Well last night was the first night I went out since the breakup( 2 weeks). It was all in all a okay time except I found out that when your drunk is when your most vulnerable for the feelings to come back. I kept thinking about her the entire night. I mean I would be dancing with friends trying to have a good time and she was on my mind the whole time. I don't know why it was so hard I expected for good days and bad but last night kind of came out of nowhere. I had been doing really well I thought thinking about her less and less and noticing that the only time I really thought about her was when I had free time. Thats why I went out last night but I kind of regret it now. All it did was bring back memory's. I don't know if I should go out next weekend or stay home. I hope its just more time needed, I guess it was kind of stupid going out so early after the breakup. anybody have similiar storys where the first time they went out after the breakup they had a setback?
Dinnj1 Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 yes, with one particular ex... and she was sweet enough to justify my 'setback' by being at the club... when she saw me, she kindly, smiled..grabbed the guys hand she was with and kissed him. THAT was exactly 2 weeks after a six year relationship. (broke up cause I wasn't ready to marry) I stayed in after that for months... come to think of it.... I don't think I came outta my bedroom for months either...
UT_longhorn Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 well its been only a few days since the break up like you mentioned in another post, then its completely expected. its good that youre getting yourself out and about with friends, but don't expect to be yourself for a long while. its gonna take some time.
UT_longhorn Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 yes, with one particular ex... and she was sweet enough to justify my 'setback' by being at the club... when she saw me, she kindly, smiled..grabbed the guys hand she was with and kissed him. THAT was exactly 2 weeks after a six year relationship. (broke up cause I wasn't ready to marry) I stayed in after that for months... come to think of it.... I don't think I came outta my bedroom for months either... what a cruel cruel woman. thats such an ugly thing to do to someone. nasty.
Author justhavetoletgo Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 yes, with one particular ex... and she was sweet enough to justify my 'setback' by being at the club... when she saw me, she kindly, smiled..grabbed the guys hand she was with and kissed him. THAT was exactly 2 weeks after a six year relationship. (broke up cause I wasn't ready to marry) I stayed in after that for months... come to think of it.... I don't think I came outta my bedroom for months either... wow!!!!! what a horrible thing to do especially after a 6 year relationship!
tikigods Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 take your time, stay away from the booze if you feel like thats going to bring out the worse in the feelings and otherwise try to do things that don't remind you of her.
Dinnj1 Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 what a cruel cruel woman. thats such an ugly thing to do to someone. nasty. yes, probably why it was even more of a shocker to me. I was with my friends too... hoping to run into her cause I had heard she was hangin' out at this club not to mention it was our 'first' break up during the 6 years. It actually get's better... we started talking again a month later... she asked me if I would give her an engagement ring if we got back together... because.. "The new guy I'm with loves me so much that he wants to marry me, but I have a history with you." I said... forget it! Exactly 1 month from that day... she had gotten engaged on New Years Eve. She knew him for a whole 3 months or so... after our breakup.
hurtbeyondwords Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 yes, probably why it was even more of a shocker to me. I was with my friends too... hoping to run into her cause I had heard she was hangin' out at this club not to mention it was our 'first' break up during the 6 years. It actually get's better... we started talking again a month later... she asked me if I would give her an engagement ring if we got back together... because.. "The new guy I'm with loves me so much that he wants to marry me, but I have a history with you." I said... forget it! Exactly 1 month from that day... she had gotten engaged on New Years Eve. She knew him for a whole 3 months or so... after our breakup. wow. sounds like she found true love. I bet you're glad to see this side of her now and not later.
riobikini Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 Do stay away from alcohol and other things that impair your thinking. Right now, -you need every brain cell, and all of them working at optimum, to get you through this, contrary to what those depressing country songs suggest. During the first few days or weeks after a break-up, it is most helpful to stick closely with very concerned friends and/or relatives. People who love you or care about you will be the most help, -not a barroom full of strange people, and certainly do not go with someone who doesn't know enough about what you're going through and is only trying to make you 'feel better'. If you are asked out, make sure it's by people you trust: venture out only accompanied by really close friends who absolutely have your best interests at heart and know your situation well. Once you are past the initial phases of the break-up, and have worn your friend's ears out with your panful story, over and over, again -you may find yourself thinking about re-entering the social world, again, one day, down the road -but just not too sure about how to go about it, or even if you should. Take it slowly. Again, go with a trusted friend, and go with the first lesson, which is: trying to relax. I also recommend not going anywhere you think your ex might hang out. That's a really big issue in the beginning: making a concerted effort to avoid the contact with the dragon who slayed you. Work on getting your self-confidence back to a 'normal' level, and feeling comfortable around others. Don't try picking up anyone. If you are approached by a 'smiling someone', treat it just as you would a meeting in a library: quietly, calmly, and use answers you are familiar with, i.e. words and phrases which do not put you under any stress to come up with. And try to keep it brief, - you don't have to be cute and you are under no obligation to prove yourself by picking up anyone, -and certainly not by taking anyone home. If the 'smiling someone' is looking to be picked up, -here's your chance to be the authority and make a real decision that will boost your confidence and hone your integrity in the long-run: let her/him down gently, politely, firmly, -and with respect. Reason for that is, -you aren't ready to pick up anyone, right now, -and you aren't the kind of guy/girl that can be that deceitful to anyone by letting them think you are, mainly, because of the hell you've just been through and knowing what it feels like to be kicked in the gut and feel more pain that a human being should ever have to. No, you don't want to start something you aren't prepared to finish. It'll be the first really good decision you will make during all this, -and add something worthwhile and useful to your character. Look at it as a 'bonus'. If you can take these few simple pointers to heart, you'll do fine. Good Luck, -and don't try to jump the gun on all this: breaking up is harder if you try to skip over some of the most important healing phases and try to rebuild too soon. Take it from those who've been there. (Smile) Take Care. -Rio
Author justhavetoletgo Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 thanks alot rio I really appreciate the advice
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