gordon_gc Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 NC is like a task to be done at work but that we don't want to do because it doesnt feel right... isn't it ? The reason it doesnt feel right is because our emotions are taking control in that case. We all lived wonderful moments and still wonder why it has changed. Unfortunately, NC is the way to go and that is the whole f..... up thing. It helps me to heal so much. The only solution is really trying to avoid to have things reminding you of your ex...please, put take all these pics out of your computer...anything that remind you of her/him at an emotional level...It will help to avoid doing the silly mistake of breaking NC. And if you start to have doubt in all written above, start by doing this. Sit with a pen and a piece of paper and start to write down all the things you kinda hated in your ex, write all these behavior that irritated you (selfishness, etc...) Keep that list in your pocket and look at it in "Weak moment". Something positive in NC is based on a simple observation I have made around me. You can make sure they will get in touch with you. It is just a matter of sit and relax (focusing on yourslef indeed). Our life is made of cycle...good and bad. Our ex will also go through bad moments and I can almost guarentee they will get in touch with you at some point in time...why ? because these bad moments will bring back their guilt of loosing you... We are all the same, silly but true.
BetterKarma Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I whole heartly agree with this post. NC is like a medicine that you hate to take but know you have to in order to get well. GC is right, put away all the things that remind you or him/her and write that list of things you hated/disliked about them. A lot of the times I would forget about those things and start to pine for my ex again. However, I have list of pros and cons that I pull out every now and then and plenty of friends to recite that list to me, to give myself a reality check. *looking at the list* "Yup! he's an a**hole! Got it! Back to NC!" Don't use NC as a way to get them to come back to you. It doesn't help you heal because with that mentality your world is still consumed with thoughts about them and why/when they will come back. In all honesty, the only reason why NC has been quite easy for me to do is because whenever I would feel the urge to call, I would ask myself "What would you say?" I don't have anything to say to him. I have did my share of begging and groveling in the first week or two and I would NEVER do that again. And calling him to tell him how much I miss/love him just doesn't seem fair to my dignity. As for calling him for trifling things such as "I found a sock of yours and was wondering if you would like it back to match the other one you have?" That's just silly. So, after thinking about it, I have absolutely nothing to say to him so off I go back to NC. GC is right about the fact that they will contact you. Guilt and curiosity will get the better of them. My ex contacts me on a weekly basis now because he feels guilty. He's usually drunk and depressed about his life so he ends up leaving "interesting" vms. I don't call back either because he has said nothing that I want to hear and I don't expect him to. During NC, I had time to reflect that I had neglected myself in my relationship with my ex and that is a huge price to pay for any guy especially one who dumped me without even so much as a second glance. Never again.
RecordProducer Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 Sit with a pen and a piece of paper and start to write down all the things you kinda hated in your ex, write all these behavior that irritated you (selfishness, etc...) When my ex-husband left me, it did help me to think of all the bad sides of his personality and the crappy things he said or did to me, although it took time for me to realize that he was not perfect. However, the only thing I should've done much sooner and that really helped me get over him later, was when I realized that it was really over this time and he didn't love me anymore. So no matter how great someone is, if you can't have them, they are worthless for you. We should be aware of the end and have enough self-respect and pride to not bug them with our calls and tears. They want to be left alone so F them. That's the whole point of NC. It makes no sense to shower somebody with affection, promises, attention and whatever if you know that all you do is - bother the heck out of them.
Author gordon_gc Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 We should be aware of the end and have enough self-respect and pride to not bug them with our calls and tears. They want to be left alone so F them. That's the whole point of NC. It makes no sense to shower somebody with affection, promises, attention and whatever if you know that all you do is - bother the heck out of them. I love that part !!!! I have a really weird feeling today. Indeed, I heard everything my ex did since we broke up and I can tell you one thing...SHE HAS NO SELF RESPECT. The last ounce of respect and love I had for her has totally dissapeared (I think). The only problem is that now, I am developing extreme anger with myself for being suck a fool. I am just scared of blowing insults to her face (I really don't wanna waste my energy on this but it would feel so good).
someone_here Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 I dunno whether it is true or not that our ex will contact us someday. I had few exes. I never wanted to contact them again. Especially the 1st one. He was kind of mentally sick and so abussive. So i guess, it depends on how the end was. Well, guys.. just want to hear from all of you.. what do u do to mend your broken heart ? What did u do that you think the most powerful thing when u feel so lonely ?
RecordProducer Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 what do u do to mend your broken heart? My late grandmother had a good sense of humor... so my mom told me that when she was a kid, she'd complain to her mom that she was cold (when they had to be outside) and her mom would answer: "Well, shake then!" What do we do to mend our broken hearts? We collect the pieces. There is nothing you can do to erase the feeling of depression. But you can do things that otherwise make you happy or help you relax. E.g. watching TV helped me not feel sad for a few hours when my ex-husband left me. If I were hanging on dating sites at the time, I know it would've helped me. I know going out and drinking didn't help me. Different things help different people.
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