DatingQuestions Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 Backgroud: The guy that I went out four times with flaked on me last weekend. He said to get together in the weekend (non-specific as for the date and time), but didn't call until Sunday afternoon. As the matter of fact, I cleared out both Friday and Saturday night just in case he would call. He tried to explain that he got tied up with work and would like to reschedule for Wednesday night at his place for BBQ. Then I asked him to call and confirm on Tuesday night, to which he agreed to. No call Tuesday until I went home after midnight, only to find an email saying that he had to cancel the "entertainment" part of the date, but is still open for a coffee. So this past Wednesday, we finally got together. The date was probably the worst in my lifetime so far. I was still upset, nervous about whether to bring it up or not. Instead of going for coffee, he said he hasn't had dinner. So I offered him to come in to my place as I made dinner that night. (Big mistake!) While my mind was racing, I put on this extremely long and depressing foreign movie for him to watch while I prepare him dinner (Bigger mistake!). So he ate, we both SUFFERED through half the movie, and he literaly "escaped" from my place right away. During the whole time, I was regreting the whole thing, had no smile, and sat ten feet apart from him! We both haven't tried to contact each other since Wednesday. Should I just move on now after all this? Or should I initiate another chance?
MadDog Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I think you need to stop taking dating so seriously. It sounds like you nearly had a heart attack while making dinner. I'd say that you definately put spending time with him a much higher priority than he does. You cleared out both Friday and Saturday night "just in case." This is crazy. Personally I think you should move on only because it's obvious you take the seriousness of dating on completely different levels. Things work out much better when both parties are looking for the same thing (e.g. casual dating vs a committed relationship.) MD
Author DatingQuestions Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 I believe that we had about the same interest level toward each other. Both of us were attracted to each other, both of us weren't rushing things, and both of us were still unsure about pursuing a relationship.. As for me clearing out my weekend for him, that was what I originally had in mind, making him my priority (since I really liked him). When I didn't get any calls from him by about 5pm on both days, I did change my plans accordingly and hung out with other friends. So no I wasn't just sitting around and waiting for him to call, I know better! I would not be upset if it was just about the weekend, or if it was just the change of plan on Wednesday. However, when both of them happened continuously, I became irritated. I regret my bad attitude which contributed that really bad last date, but I also wish he hasn't changed his mind so quickly and so often. What to do?
MadDog Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 If you liked how things were going with you two, you can always call him and explain how you were feeling that night and why. If he's at least apologetic and understanding about it, there may be hope. If he kind of blows off what you say, then it's probably time to "next" him (e.g. move on). MD
Tenorman Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I actually find the description of your "bad" date quite amusing - so it is a pity you both couldn't have a laugh about it in the middle of "suffering" through the depressing foreign film. I'm only going by what you posted but I think he sounds like a bit of a jerk. If you're sitting in your chair ten feet away feeling unhappy I would hazard a guess it is because you felt like you weren't getting the respect and attention you deserve - you after all extended youself and made him dinner and tried to entertain him etc. You sound like a warm person whereas he sounds like a jerk. I would hardly call making someone dinner and putting a film on for them "mistakes". I'd suggest do nothing further and forget about him unless he makes it up to you.
Author DatingQuestions Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 Thanks guys for your responses. I guess I would really hate if this thing ended because he thinks that I am not interested in him anymore (base on my behavior the other day). Tenorman, I really appreciate you seeing a warm person out of me, but at the same time, I believe that I was sending him mixed signals! He probably had no idea why I would invite him in, gave him dinner and a movie, and then sat so far looking rigid and upset. Honestly, I even have no clue why I did that! I assume any guy would be confused by such behavior, right?
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