DisKoDucK Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 My girlfriend and are are currently on a "break", and we are trying to work through a couple of things. We've been together 4 years and we are each other's first loves. We both agree that we could spend the rest of our lives together and be happy. We both love each other very much. The problem though, is in her "grand scheme" of things in life, she feels like she might regret never knowing more than one guy in her life. Right now she is in the process of deciding whether or not this is important enough for her to break off what we have. My problem is this, I don't know what to do from my side. I don't want to be sitting around just waiting for a decision that could have such a large impact on both of our lives. On the other hand, I don't want to be interferring too much with the decision. I told her that I don't want her to feel all the pressure of having to make this decision. I want to be there for her though the decision if that makes sense. I don't want to lose her, but I think after some time I would understand it is her life, and I wouldn't want her to have any regrets about us anyway. She tells me that she wished she met me last, then she would know for sure. It feels nice when she says that but the fact is I'm not, and we might lose this because I happen to have met her first. Anyway, these are not easy days.
KittenMoon Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 My now-ex bf and I went through the same thing within the last few weeks. It's miserable huh? I don't think this situation has any easy answer, or maybe any answer at all, other than just let things happen as they happen. You don't want to try to convince a person to stay with you and always wonder if you just sold them on the situation at the moment. This will inevitable backfire in most cases. But at the same time, you may lose them. I'm seeing this situation, and my own, as very possibly being a no win situation. Right person, wrong time. I think all you can do is let the cards fall as they may. Sorry I don't have any kind of happy ending, but don't worry, you are not the onlly one experiencing something like this.
Author DisKoDucK Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 Right person wrong time is absolutely the story. I have decided to just back off and give her the space she needs. We'll see what happens.
jerbear Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 Sorry to hear of your situation. If she wanted space and time, then let her have her space and time. Back off and let her make the decision BUT keep the door and contacts open. She has to make the decision, you can help but not push. I can somewhat relate as my interests of 5 years loves my chase and now I'm about to complete my master's degree. We hanged out but never fully crossed the line, almost but no cigar (yes I would marry her, get those feelings???), we both would initiate, then cancel; go figure. We both enter other relationships only to come back. Anyway, I told her how I really felt, as in thinking of her instead of the partner I was with. That is BAD! We both know our stances, and she knows my time frame. I prefer to stay but if she doesn't feel anything for me, then I will move on w/o her. Jobs as in ok jobs, not good jobs. It will be hard but it may require something like a break to realize what is lost, the appreciation, reliability, sense of loss, and other feelings; by losing them temporarily. She requested space, so let her have her space but keep in contact. Go and be yourself, single, date, etc...while she is doing soul searching. She may or may not come back but in the meantime, give her space, ask how long then back off and keep your distance.
Author DisKoDucK Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 Yea, I think I understand that. It really sucks. I wish I can understand her thinking a little bit more. She knows she wants to be with me in the end, at least that's the way she feels now, but she still feels like she wants to know what other people are like. But the way I see it, if you found the person, then what is the problem? Once you found a person you know have a special connection with, then isn't the dating done?? My goodness, this is nothing but confusing to me. In the end though, I do have to understand that she is going to be happier knowing she lived life without regrets, so I guess I need to also. That's guys for reading this and sharing your stories.
gfto Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 Sorry to hear about this, but it's time for a hard dose of reality...... Right now she is in the process of deciding whether or not this is important enough for her to break off what we have. She's already decided. She's letting you down gently. My problem is this, I don't know what to do from my side. Cut off contact with her. I told her that I don't want her to feel all the pressure of having to make this decision. I want to be there for her though the decision if that makes sense. you're being a "nice guy." She tells me that she wished she met me last, then she would know for sure. It feels nice when she says that but the fact is I'm not, and we might lose this because I happen to have met her first. She's blowing smoke at you. This has nothing to do with the fact that you were each other's first. As the song goes, she has simply "lost that loving feeling; now it's gone."
Author DisKoDucK Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 Sorry to hear about this, but it's time for a hard dose of reality..... She's already decided. She's letting you down gently. Cut off contact with her. you're being a "nice guy." She's blowing smoke at you. This has nothing to do with the fact that you were each other's first. As the song goes, she has simply "lost that loving feeling; now it's gone." I have no denials that letting me down gently is what she's doing. I think it's more like she knows what she "should" do, but is finding it hard because of many other factors. I emailed her yesterday and told her how me trying to talk to her is being selfish, because it makes me feel better. I told her she can call me if she wanted to talk, and only when she feels like she needs to talk. Her reply to the email was I'd like to talk tonight, but about "nice things" if we can, or will we just go back to the sad things? (we ended up talking about nice things for a couple of hours) I don't think cutting off contact is going to be possible, she asked if we can talk and keep in contact until she thinks she needs space, and i told her that's pretty much what i said in my email... I think being a nice guy is such a bad thing. We talked about how we don't have any real rules for this break. If we do break up then I will go to a different path of healing, but I *think* i can afford a few days/weeks of just being there? Lost that loving feeling is very likely. I suspected that a while ago from a few other "red flags". Maybe a break is more like a chance to find it again? We'll see, but just like she shouldn't live her life without regret (staying with me when she thinks she should move on), I shouldn't either right?
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