MarcoInaros Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 I am 26 and have been single my whole life...havent even kissed a girl. Obviously I have some huge problems starting and mantaining a relationship. I absolutely hate the fact that I have not had a relationship and I have not had any fun with the opposite sex and I am starting to hate my life in general because of it. Since I am single sometimes I have looked at websites like babefocus and others that show naked beautiful women, and I look at the playboy special editions. I have looked at porn too but I try not to because it is disgusting and unrealistic and I feel incredibly filthy after looking at it. My main concern is that these publications and media show women who are far more beautiful that the mainstream and I am afraid that they are warping my sense of whats normal and maybe preventing me from having a real realtionhsip. They provide instant gratification without any real hard work attaining it, unlike a real relationship with a real girl. I always looked at them because forming real relationships seem impossible and I have no real social network besides a few friends. Should I just abandon these things altogether and not look at pictures of attractive women?
Tony T Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 You should take this problem to a licensed, excellent counsellor who can help you. Normally, there would be no problems viewing these sorts of magazines. I think it's great that the editors are able to employ artists who airbrush the dickens out of the photos so the ladies appear flawless. If you were to date any one of them, you would quickly find they are not perfect at all. I hate to be the one to break it to you. Now, get away from you computer NOW. Don't come back to it for a good period of time. Start making female friends...yes, just friends. Don't ask for anything more. Just find some female buddies at work, school, church or wherever. There's no better way to get introduced to quality candidates for relationships than through friends. Again, your first step is to rid yourself of all your confusion by seeing a good therapist who can help you sort this out now. You're not getting any younger.
MadDog Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I'll have to disagree with Tony T and say that the magazines/porn have nothing to do with your lack of interaction with women. It's not as if you're going around thinkiing, "Hmm. Nope, that girl just isn't hot enough." In fact I think there's nothing wrong with using porn to relieve a little sexual frustration cause otherwise you're gonna be so wound up that you'll have a really hard time talking to girls. You want to be relaxed when talking to girls, not all tense. What's the exact reason why you've never been with a girl? Do you at least talk to them and make some friends who are girls? Are you just unable to make that first move? MD
Author MarcoInaros Posted March 11, 2006 Author Posted March 11, 2006 I'll have to disagree with Tony T and say that the magazines/porn have nothing to do with your lack of interaction with women. It's not as if you're going around thinkiing, "Hmm. Nope, that girl just isn't hot enough." In fact I think there's nothing wrong with using porn to relieve a little sexual frustration cause otherwise you're gonna be so wound up that you'll have a really hard time talking to girls. You want to be relaxed when talking to girls, not all tense. What's the exact reason why you've never been with a girl? Do you at least talk to them and make some friends who are girls? Are you just unable to make that first move? MD Exactly, I only look at those things when I have to, like every normal guy does. But as for meeting real people, I am not having any real success. I talk to the girls I work with but they never initiate any type of conversation with me. The typical conversation with them goes like this - Jeff-hey *** how was your weekend, or how are you doing? Girl- fine how are you Jeff-um, great. so have you done anything fun lately? Girl- I did this and that...blah blah blah Jeff- oh, cool The point is that there is no reciprocity and I am initiating all the conversation and they are showing no interest in me, even at a friendly level. And meeting girls outside of work seems impossible. I don't know how to create the rapport. I don't recall the last time I ever hung out with a girl or ever had a girl who was a friend. It's as if I am cut off, like a pariah. Something in thier girly minds is happening, a visceral dislike of me that has no basis. They must see red flags in me. I only have a handful of guy friends, like maybe 4 or 5. Two of them are in relationships, 2 others are around 50 miles away, and the last is always too busy to do anything. I don't have anyone to talk about this with and my only viable option is to just go out by myself and do things on my own. If only I had someone to talk with, who could show me the ropes and be a wingman. But my youth is slipping away and my personal life is looking like a disaster with each pasing year. I just hate it how other people have no problems with this and are having fun and making memories, while my life is hell.
phyrespryte Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 ! What happened? Weren't you recently trying to find new clothes and all positive? I totally get you on the whole conversation thing. I used to feel the same way. It'd always seems like so much work and unfair to be the one making it happen. But perhaps it's just a perspective thing? Perhaps you should ignore that you have to work so hard at it? Just think of it as just the way things are? And with the conversation...I know that it was a vague generalisation of conversations.... But, you know you could feel free to comment more on their fun weekend. Like you saw that band! Wow I like them too! Wish I could've gone. Or if you hate the band be like, I like going to concerts too. The last one...blah blah blah. Or just be like that's cool, well I did this and blah blah blah. The thing is you've got to share a little and they'll share too. And ask lots of questions. Well not too many. But do show interest in what they like to do.
confusedgeek Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 From the original post, I think your fine. I'm in the same boat. Well, somewhat. I haven't had a real kiss by a girl myself and I'm 28. As for the porn thing, you gotta do what you gotta do. That frustration has to go somewhere (i.e. reading hooter magazines, etc) The friends thing, dont think about how many friends you have, think quality over quantity. Women, in general, elude me. Trying to start a conversation is rough. Trying to keep the conversation without it being wierd is also rough. I talk about things I like which are usually guy things, cars, video games. The conversation goes down quick. I talk about movies, news, music, the conversation is alright, but not spectular. It really is hard for people like me who have trouble speaking in the first place. I think gets better with practice. Speech 101 didnt help at all during college and I got an A. =P - ConfusedGeek *Editing here and adding more* If its bothering you so much about life passing you by, why not do something about it? Go travel by yourself, go join a club, go hang out with your friends more, go join a volunteer organization, etc.
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