The proverbial fireworks

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Is it true that they really never last forever? Does every love eventually turn "quiet and content"? Has anyone been married for years and still have them?

[MadDog]

Is it true that they really never last forever? Does every love eventually turn "quiet and content"? Has anyone been married for years and still have them?

 

Unfortunately research has shown that the butterflies/fireworks you feel when you hook up with someone new is mediated by chemicals that are released in your brain (dopamine.) The thing is that you eventually grow a tolerance to those chemicals (usually takes 6 months to 1 year) and eventually the feelings aren't as strong and/or stop altogether.

 

The thing though is that you shouldn't be in a relationship primarily to get those feelings. It's a great experience and definately enjoy them early in the relationship but after a while, your relationship should be about more than just a fast heart rate. If those feelings are really what you like the best about relationships, you're actually better off dating a bunch of people but never getting into a serious relationship.

 

MD

[Outcast]

They get supplanted by a much richer, deeper set of feelings. I'm not all that fond of butterflies. I like the other feeling much better.

[Guest]

Mad Dog: thanks, I've heard much the same, though I didn't know the particular neural process responsible for it.

 

Outcast: any psychological basis supporting that claim?

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Thanks, MadDog. I've heard much the same, but I didn't know the specific chemical responsible for it.

 

Outcast, do you have any psychological basis for that?

[Outcast]

http://www.relationshipsandlove.com/loving_well2.htm

 

Dude who wrote it has his PhD in Social Psych and a long bio of teaching and counselling. He's overfond of pink and fonts but what he writes is very good stuff.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

An interesting read, though he seems to contradict himself. He writes romantic love off as an emotion as transient as anger or happiness, but says this transient emotion in combination with mature love is unusual, and what we should strive for? Isn't that kind of like saying we need to stive to have mature love in combination with hunger?

 

Is romantic love equivalent to the fireworks?

[Outcast]

Well, you kinda need to read all the essays but he talks about infatuation and says it's great to have fireworks, too, if you can manage it but that you won't have them all the time.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I guess it would make sense, because even when you build up a resistence to neurons firing, it doesn't mean they'll stop firing altogether with the right neural connections. I guess it's like those people who get chicken pox twice! Rare...and wonderful.