CeeJayXXX Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 This post is not meant to be vicious or cruel at all...it's more just curiousity........ Does the wife find that they receive more positive attention from H while he is in an affair (W not knowing of course)...-maybe because of guilt setting in?....or does he seem more preoccupied with his daily tasks and/or if you go on holidays. Is he more easily aggitated with small things or easier going. (aggitated because he wants to get out to see OW but can't)? I am just curious as to the feelings at home that the OW doesnt see and doesnt know.
AJS Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 I had a friend who went through this, she was his "mama". He would tell all of his friends and family that she was so horrible and they took his word for it, not really seeing the big picture. When in realilty, she was he cartaker, lover, and friend...only he was the last one to figure this out. Now he's sorry....she's not buying it. He is one of those guys who will always cheat. He is smooth, handsome, and he knows it. Just that type of guy. She now knows it too, 15 yrs later.
Guest Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 In my current experience, my husband has been agitated. Everything I do, unless we're laughing and having a good time, seems to irritate him. He doesn't want to be home but he knows that he's not leaving his family. But he's not leaving me (the W) either. Instead he wants me to pay for making him so miserable. So my tears and hurt and pain are just revenge and he tells me to suck it up. Maybe he'll learn to manage his affair better at some point. Right now, evidence is everywhere.
No Stress Lady Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 I had a friend who went through this, she was his "mama". He would tell all of his friends and family that she was so horrible and they took his word for it, not really seeing the big picture. When in realilty, she was he cartaker, lover, and friend...only he was the last one to figure this out. Now he's sorry....she's not buying it. He is one of those guys who will always cheat. He is smooth, handsome, and he knows it. Just that type of guy. She now knows it too, 15 yrs later. Ummm - not sure how this is supposed to answer the OP????
Chump64 Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I'm a betrayed wife. In my case, they carried on their affair during the work day almost entirely. They had an agreement that they would not be leaving their spouses and that they would keep stuff to specific time frames (ie, sex during the noonhour, communicating during the day). There were no evening, weekend or vacation communications. So I'm not sure I'm the type of 'wife' you are looking for. Agitated or preoccupied? I don't really know, it all began 10 years ago when we were dealing with small children and two careers, so if he was, it appeared to be a symptom of a busy and hectic time in our lives. My husband had little guilt during the affair, apparently. Now that he's been discovered and we are trying to work things out, he is bending over backwards with positive attention and pampering. I suppose that's an expression of guilt, but also of fear that he will be dumped.
mopar crazy Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 This post is not meant to be vicious or cruel at all...it's more just curiousity........ Does the wife find that they receive more positive attention from H while he is in an affair (W not knowing of course)...-maybe because of guilt setting in?....or does he seem more preoccupied with his daily tasks and/or if you go on holidays. Is he more easily aggitated with small things or easier going. (aggitated because he wants to get out to see OW but can't)? I am just curious as to the feelings at home that the OW doesnt see and doesnt know. I didn't receive more positive attention from H during his A. I never knew anything was going on. I know he did talk about the OW a lot (b4 I found out about the A). I got so sick of him talking about her that I finally asked him if he wanted to sleep w/ her. His answer was honest, if he weren't M. HA! Well, shortly after that (I would say about a year or less) he told me he wanted a D. This was a total shock to me. Our M wasn't the best, but I never thought he wanted to end it. He stayed in the house for a few days b4 he moved out and things did change. He wouldn't talk much to me anymore, and seemed distant. Then when my friends told me they heard he was having an A (they worked w/ him or had spouses that did). When I confronted him about the Ow he denied it. I didn't see much of a change in him until he said he wanted a D. But he was having an EA a few months b4 he said he wanted the D but I didn't see any change in his behavior.
Author CeeJayXXX Posted March 5, 2006 Author Posted March 5, 2006 I'm a betrayed wife. In my case, they carried on their affair during the work day almost entirely. They had an agreement that they would not be leaving their spouses and that they would keep stuff to specific time frames (ie, sex during the noonhour, communicating during the day). There were no evening, weekend or vacation communications. So I'm not sure I'm the type of 'wife' you are looking for. Agitated or preoccupied? I don't really know, it all began 10 years ago when we were dealing with small children and two careers, so if he was, it appeared to be a symptom of a busy and hectic time in our lives. My husband had little guilt during the affair, apparently. Now that he's been discovered and we are trying to work things out, he is bending over backwards with positive attention and pampering. I suppose that's an expression of guilt, but also of fear that he will be dumped. MM and I have been together three years. It is a work related affair but does extend to some evenings and trips away. If someone was sitting with us over coffee (family, friends or co-workers) it would never appear as though we were anything but business partners. We have both agreed (from the start) that leaving our spouses was never a question to be asked. He is quite a bit older than me. He calls me every day (or every second day) while on family vacations. He seems to get frustrated or agitated when he can't contact me when he wishes to or if I am out and he can't be there. My curiousity was wondering if the W felt this frustration of H's (looking back). Thank you for all of your responses.
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