2gain Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 This is what I have learned about affairs through my own experiences..... If you found out about it...prepare to hear nothing but lies If he/she told you about it....prepare to hear nothing but half truths If he/she said it ment nothing....it probably ment nothing (to them) If he/she said they did have sex, but only one...it was like 100 times If he/she said they were just friends...they probably had sex If he/she said I am sorry...what they really mean is I am sorry I got caught. When they say they love you....Sometimes they really do mean it.
harleygirl92156 Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 This is what I have learned about affairs through my own experiences..... If you found out about it...prepare to hear nothing but lies YEP If he/she told you about it....prepare to hear nothing but half truths YEP If he/she said it ment nothing....it probably ment nothing (to them) YEP If he/she said they did have sex, but only one...it was like 100 times YEP If he/she said they were just friends...they probably had sex YEP If he/she said I am sorry...what they really mean is I am sorry I got caught. YEP When they say they love you....Sometimes they really do mean it. AND YEP AND IF YOU ASK THEM "WHY" THEY WILL SAY "I don't know" OR TRY AND MAKE YOU BELIEVE IT WAS SOMEHOW YOUR FAULT.
Chump64 Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 "AND IF YOU ASK THEM "WHY" THEY WILL SAY "I don't know" OR TRY AND MAKE YOU BELIEVE IT WAS SOMEHOW YOUR FAULT." Neither answer is acceptable, IMO. My husband said "I don't know" at first and I told him he can either divorce me or find out what the h*ll is wrong with him, in therapy. If he tried to make it my fault, I wouldn't be trying to work this out with him. That's not to say there isn't marital stuff I can work on from my end, but he is the one who chose to go outside the marriage, and the person who made that choice gets the blame for that.
cal gal Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 "AND IF YOU ASK THEM "WHY" THEY WILL SAY "I don't know" OR TRY AND MAKE YOU BELIEVE IT WAS SOMEHOW YOUR FAULT." Neither answer is acceptable, IMO. My husband said "I don't know" at first and I told him he can either divorce me or find out what the h*ll is wrong with him, in therapy. If he tried to make it my fault, I wouldn't be trying to work this out with him. That's not to say there isn't marital stuff I can work on from my end, but he is the one who chose to go outside the marriage, and the person who made that choice gets the blame for that. Sometimes the OM/OW becomes the fall guy/gal. They put all the blame there as well, so as to make it less their fault - ya right!...
Walking away Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Yep. My MM pursued me relentlessly for six months. Showered me with love, affection, gifts, trips...you name it. Told me I was his soulmate...you know how it goes. But, I never pursued him.....not once. In fact, I tried numerous times to leave but he wooed me back... Anyway, his wife found out about me a few days ago, and I would bet that he is telling her that I meant nothing to him and that I am just his friend....I am sure that I am the horrible, homewrecking, terrible slut to her because I am sure that takes the heat off of him. I could be wrong, but i doubt it.
Walking away Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 This is what I have learned about affairs through my own experiences..... If you found out about it...prepare to hear nothing but lies If he/she told you about it....prepare to hear nothing but half truths If he/she said it ment nothing....it probably ment nothing (to them) If he/she said they did have sex, but only one...it was like 100 times If he/she said they were just friends...they probably had sex If he/she said I am sorry...what they really mean is I am sorry I got caught. When they say they love you....Sometimes they really do mean it. It is all about damage control. And, I agree with your post...
Chump64 Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Anyway, his wife found out about me a few days ago, and I would bet that he is telling her that I meant nothing to him and that I am just his friend.... Don't be so sure. My husband was honest with me, to the best of my knowledge. He said he loved her and enjoyed her companionship, but said the same things about me. He claims that he doesn't think about her or love her any more. Not so sure I buy that. I'm thinking that = damage control. (He is afraid I will dump him.) Some of us betrayed spouses are not dumb enough to believe their lies. If the OW meant nothing to the husbands, they would not have kept up the affair. Walking Away, I've been reading your posts these past few days. I know things are tough but you are doing a great job. I wish I could say the same for myself. I am having one of those days when I think divorce would make me happiest.
Walking away Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 You know what, Chump? I have been reading your posts too. I feel so badly for you, and the fact that you can be kind to me, a person who represents the enemy to you, says alot about your character. You hang in there. You are much stronger than you realize. Hugs to you from me....I am rooting for your marriage.
Chump64 Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 Thanks W.A. I have said some mean things to OW here in the heat of the moment, but really, my spouse is the one who ultimately betrayed me. I don't see the OW as an enemy. (Even in my case, when she was a "friend.") I have some mean thoughts about what she did, but I have those same thoughts -- tenfold -- for my husband, who I thought was my best friend. I appreciate your support and I send the same to you.
Walking away Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 Oh, I know that you have been angry....and with reason. I guess it just seems that it must be hard hearing our (OW's) side of the story without getting hurt. I do hope that you and your husband find the strength to work things out. You seem to be a very strong women and he would be a fool to let you go. I pray that your pain lessens...
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