Blind Illusion Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 What are the obligations, if any, of one person to tell another that their spouse is being unfaithful? I am not talking about rumors or hearsay in which marriages can be ruined based on nothing, really. Something more concrete: perhaps someone has been spotted in public or the unfaithful partner has even confirmed this for you. This isn't really my dilemma per se, although I do know both of the parties involved on a semi-social basis. It is my closest girlfriend, *C* , that has opted not to tell the wife about the roving husband. Another one of our friends, *J*, said that she should and if that was her, she would never forgive her friend knowing of this and not saying anything. I probably would feel the same way too, like everyone was betraying me. The flip side, which I could almost appreciate, too, is that *C* doesn't want to be the one responsible for splintering a family. I have also heard that in some instances, the person being told either knows in their heart & prefers almost not to know outright and HAVE to make a more definitive move at that time. Some even "hate the messanger" and not the message or the one that caused this in the first place. I'm curious. Anyone have any thoughts or experiences with this.
Bryanp Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 My thoughts are of course the person should be told. First, the messenger is not splintering the family. It is the person who is cheating that is causing the damage. Second and most important is that the cheating spouse is putting the betrayed spouse at great risk for STD's or HIV and in fact putting their life at risk. Not telling allows the cheating spouse to continue the behavior and prevents the betrayed spouse from having this important information that would allow them the ability to decide whether they wish to continue in the relationship or change it. I am reminded of the Edmund Burke comment that all that is needed for evil to truimph is for good men to do nothing.
littlekitty Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 I have also heard that in some instances, the person being told either knows in their heart & prefers almost not to know outright and HAVE to make a more definitive move at that time. Some even "hate the messanger" and not the message or the one that caused this in the first place. She should tell. The above aren't good enough reasons not too. You don't know that she knows and is ignoring it. And although she may 'hate the messenger' initially, any reasonable adult is soon going to get over that and be grateful for the truth.
lalaland Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 I was in the same situation one time. What I did was ask my friend is she ever knew my husband was being unfaithful would she tell me? I also asked her if she would want someone to tell her. She said yes. So, I told her. I was thinking of going to her H and telling him he tells her or I do, but I didnt know him all too well. Last thing I wanted was for him to turn the tables on me and lose my friend. Yea, I would feel bad if their marriage broke up. BUT, I would feel worse if I knew something that could have save her a hell of a lot of pain. I would opt for the second choice.
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