Touche Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 It sounds like you'd never actually do the "deed." In that case I see nothing wrong with talking about it, or fantasizing about it. A little harmless flirting in real life maybe. Sounds like you just need to feel desired. Find ways to get that without actually cheating.
AJS Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 she already has. And believe me I know how it feels. Well, you know what they say, two wrongs don't make a right. Maybe you and your W can find something new and fun to do together. Try to get that spark back. I understand what you are feeling, but isn't it worth it to try with your W for your M?
Author LBC Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 Well, you know what they say, two wrongs don't make a right. Maybe you and your W can find something new and fun to do together. Try to get that spark back. I understand what you are feeling, but isn't it worth it to try with your W for your M? Again, I have no intentions of cheating. And our spark is coming back and things are good/better than before. This was simply curiosity. I have never had to pick up a women, ever. So my curiosity was simply, if yuo intend to start an affair for a simple fling, how do you go about doing it. I mean, I cant just walk into a bar go up to a woman and say, Hi, Iam married, but I;d like some cake on the side, you game? I really dont know were I am going with this thread. and for those who have questioned WHY I would do this. I wont do this, its just a thought in my mind. Just wondering about intentional affairs vs the typical "it just happened"
Author LBC Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 Sounds like you just need to feel desired. Find ways to get that without actually cheating. after some thought, you are exactly right. I feel a need to be desired by someone other than my wife. I want to know if I still "got it" so to speak. You know what I mean? Midlife Crisis, ego boost???
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 I mean, I cant just walk into a bar go up to a woman and say, Hi, Iam married, but I;d like some cake on the side, you game? Uh, yeah ya can. It happens all the time.
Pyro Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Uh, yeah ya can. It happens all the time. Not in those exact words, but yes it does happen alot. When I was still dating my ex, I had a few women come up to me in bars, strike up a conversation with me. I had told them that I was committed with someone and yet they they still tried to give me their phone numbers.
cal gal Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Again, I have no intentions of cheating. And our spark is coming back and things are good/better than before. This was simply curiosity. I have never had to pick up a women, ever. So my curiosity was simply, if yuo intend to start an affair for a simple fling, how do you go about doing it. I mean, I cant just walk into a bar go up to a woman and say, Hi, Iam married, but I;d like some cake on the side, you game? I really dont know were I am going with this thread. and for those who have questioned WHY I would do this. I wont do this, its just a thought in my mind. Just wondering about intentional affairs vs the typical "it just happened" Okay - here's the bottom line - if you want to know the real answer - it only has to do with confidence and body language.... In effect you are putting messages out there every time you are around anyone that says either I'm available or not... with your physical body language... too much to explain right here, but if you study it, you may find that you need to be more "open" and use eye contact as a start. Not that I want to help you, but you continue to ask so......
Owl Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Quick comment...you have a DESIRE to find out if you're still desireable to other women...not a NEED. All of us go through this. I'm 40 myself. Hard to believe. Often ask myself exactly that same kind of question, especially since my wife's affair. But...it's not something I'll even consider...or give any real thought to. You're asking this question on this forum...ESPECIALLY on the forum for OM/OW, makes it appear that you're doing more than giving this some thought. It looks like you've gone from the 'considering' to the 'initial planning' stages. Seriously, rather than continue down this line of thought and create a ton of hurt for everyone involved, why don't you talk with your wife instead and see what the two of you can do to have a better relationship that way?
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Not in those exact words... Well yeah I've never heard anyone ask for some cake on the side. But I've had a number of married men and men in committed relationships, as have my friends as well, usually when they're out in groups, looking to start OW type relationships. I haven't gotten sucked into one yet but a couple of my friends have. I've also had women pushing their friends and daughters on ex's of mine while we were together.
Pyro Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Well yeah I've never heard anyone ask for some cake on the side. But I've had a number of married men and men in committed relationships, as have my friends as well, usually when they're out in groups, looking to start OW type relationships. I haven't gotten sucked into one yet but a couple of my friends have. I've also had women pushing their friends and daughters on ex's of mine while we were together. It's awful. As a society, we are getting more selfish by the day. People put their own wants ahead of what is right.
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 It's awful. As a society, we are getting more selfish by the day. People put their own wants ahead of what is right. I know, I hate it.
Pyro Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Because of this, I have started to put some of my friends on the back burner. I can't be around them. They are some of the rudest, heartless, selfish people that I know. At first, I ignored the fact of how they are but now it is just getting to be too much.
elmejor Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 You could save yourself so much trouble and heartache by just stopping in your tracks and telling your wife what you have posted here. Believe me, my husband wishes he had stopped before he ever started, because the shame and regret he is feeling -- and the devastation he has wrought -- are not worth all the twisted sex, companionship and fun he thought he was having. He will pay for the rest of his life. And I don't mean that he will pay ME, I mean that he will pay in his own mind, with shame, remorse and regret for all that he has risked / all that he has changed in our world, by making a series of very bad decisions. Or you can screw your life up and destroy your wife. Your choice. I see you've added yet another helpful viewpoint here, Chump in an OW thread. You may not see it, but frequently the H has, "shame, remorse and regret" (as you say) not "for all he has risked," but for getting caught. IMO, it's still too early for you to see that. Look at some previous threads on this forum by H who had sex with OW, and their reasons for doing so. It is very enlightening, and may help those of you who are stuck in this frame of mind that the H is being "selfish, breaking rules, destroying families," etc. etc. Many times they are just being men, and persuing what they no longer have with their wives. And what kind of healthy future can a married couple hope to have when the BS is constantly badgering the H, blaming him, and playing "the victim" herself? Many W want everyone in the world to believe that a H can never, ever have a happy life again if he strays. And his entire family will suffer forever, just because he is behaving like a normal man. It's a lot of over-dramatization on the W part, in my humble opinion.
newbby Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 i just wanted to say, elmejor, i love reading your posts.
HokeyReligions Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 From reading this site, I know what type of woman I would go after. A woman who is married too and is feeling neglected by her husband. Those seem to be the type women that fall prey to OM. Sounds like a great way to spice up your marriage and make it stronger for both of you. If you are even thinking of having an affair I'll bet that your wife is probably feeling neglected by her husband. Show up wearing something you would never normally wear. Change your hair and talk with an acccent. Call yourself by another name and create a new persona for yourself and let your wife have an affair with you. Encourage her to be different too. Buy her a wig and help her create a new persona for you to have an affair with. You could 'accidently' bump into her in a store one day - as your new self - and pretend that you are meeting for the first time. Have a spontaneous interlude. If she's not up for this, then get some short-term counseling together to help you find out exactly what you are missing in your marriage and get it back. An affair is not going to help you.
Blind Illusion Posted March 4, 2006 Posted March 4, 2006 I can't speak for everyone or all situations but I think many times, relationships just develop and feelings become stronger without anyone actually contemplating "starting an affair" Feelings are a strange thing. So beyond control, at times too. I guess it boils down to whether or not you act upon those feelings. It's not only feelings for the other person that can change or grow in time. Feelings for one's spouse can too. Perhaps the person that you thought you loved at 25 isn't the same today. It could be you that changed or what you want out of life as you develop & age. Not everyone that has an affair has stopped loving their spouse but sometimes that is the case. The change in feeling happened first-the affair did not cause it. The affair could happen because of it, though. I also think that many times one of the partners in a marriage did try and rectify something unsatisfactory within their marriage but the other person couldn't/wouldn't acknowledge a problem existed. I am not saying the aggrieved party should turn to an affair as an alternative but sometimes, this does unwittingly happen. People are human.
scarletletter Posted March 5, 2006 Posted March 5, 2006 I can tell you that I know of some web sites but I can't say them on here. The best thing to do is do a google search for extramarital affairs.
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