LBC Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Just curious. What if I intentionally wanted to have an affair, but I had no one person in mind to have it with. how could i find someone to have an affair with me. Just wondering what it would be like to be in one for sex mostly, but also to just enjoy the company of a woman other than my wife. What about these cheating sites and the like? I spose I could find a MW in the same boat as me, someone who wanted a fling for fun only. flame away - but i am really curious about this.
Chump64 Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Waggle your privates in front of good-lookin' women?
bluechocolate Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Waggle your privates in front of good-lookin' women? methinks you just want him to end up in jail !!
blind_otter Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 I think if you have to ask it's probably a bad idea. For you. Because IME the "successful" (questionable terminology) execution of this behavior requires a lot of finesse and a high level of self deception.
kitten chick Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 You meet women the same way single men meet women.
Author LBC Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 I think if you have to ask it's probably a bad idea. For you. Because IME the "successful" (questionable terminology) execution of this behavior requires a lot of finesse and a high level of self deception. true. and I am a very bad liar so that would be an issue IF it happened.
Author LBC Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 You meet women the same way single men meet women. I dont know how. Have been with my wife for a long long time, would not know were to start to meet said affair partner. From reading this site, I know what type of woman I would go after. A woman who is married too and is feeling neglected by her husband. Those seem to be the type women that fall prey to OM.
erika2610 Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 I dont know how. Have been with my wife for a long long time, would not know were to start to meet said affair partner. From reading this site, I know what type of woman I would go after. A woman who is married too and is feeling neglected by her husband. Those seem to be the type women that fall prey to OM. This is kinda sad to me. If things are so bad at home, why don't you just leave your wife?
AJS Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Why don't you try to get things back to the way they used to be with your wife? Have you tried romancing her at all? Doing something adventurous with HER instead of some stranger? If she was doing this to you, have you thought about what it would do to you? Maybe she is feeling the same, you never know. Why not try with her first? She is your wife.
lindya Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 flame away - but i am really curious about this. Don't expect to ask a question like "how do I start an affair" on this board and not be called upon to examine the inner turmoils that have led you to this current train of thought. Do you think you're suffering from mid-life crisis, and are there other symptoms - such as the sudden need for a sporty two-seater car and highlights in your hair? Also, what would be the ideal response to your question? Are you hoping that someone's lonely wife will outline to you all the ways in which she feels neglected, unloved and unappreciated by her husband...and all the ways in which someone else's husband could perhaps help to fill the emotional void? You never know. Perhaps your own wife will respond.
Chump64 Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 You could save yourself so much trouble and heartache by just stopping in your tracks and telling your wife what you have posted here. Believe me, my husband wishes he had stopped before he ever started, because the shame and regret he is feeling -- and the devastation he has wrought -- are not worth all the twisted sex, companionship and fun he thought he was having. He will pay for the rest of his life. And I don't mean that he will pay ME, I mean that he will pay in his own mind, with shame, remorse and regret for all that he has risked / all that he has changed in our world, by making a series of very bad decisions. Or you can screw your life up and destroy your wife. Your choice.
933KJL Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 In the process of my divorce I discovered a web site that will answer ALL of your questions. At the risk of getting the post axed----it is a dot com ad it is called philanderers
lindya Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 In the process of my divorce I discovered a web site that will answer ALL of your questions. At the risk of getting the post axed----it is a dot com ad it is called philanderers Well, nosiness got the better of me and I took a look. I signed up as guest 1 and joined the public chat room. Before I had even said anything, a couple of people welcomed me to the board "Hi g1". Very hospitable. I responded "hello". Then fled. I just couldn't think of anything else to say....which is unusual for me.
933KJL Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Is it a joinable deal now? Back then it just had a lot of tips and tricks so to speak. Do you want a short term or long term how to fake identity, how to react when caught, telltale signs, what to avoid, where to go, how to pay, that type of thing. I think there was also a forum that people could post their stories about (sort of like the LS OM/OW section on steroids) but I did not realize there was a chat--hey progress!
kitten chick Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 I feel like if you're not smart enough to do it without help you just shouldn't do it. But hey, what do I know?
lindya Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Is it a joinable deal now? Back then it just had a lot of tips and tricks so to speak. Do you want a short term or long term how to fake identity, how to react when caught, telltale signs, what to avoid, where to go, how to pay, that type of thing. I think there was also a forum that people could post their stories about (sort of like the LS OM/OW section on steroids) but I did not realize there was a chat--hey progress! There does seem to be, but it's not exactly bursting at the seams with people...I'm rather pleased to say. As guest1, I felt like Norm in Cheers. "HEY GUEST1!" Picture an episode where instead of waving jovially and joining everyone at the bar, Norm just nervously says "hello" then turns and runs out. I felt a little rude, but it was disconcerting to be greeted so quickly when I hadn't said anything. I felt this air of expectancy. A pressure to perform...and I just got stage-fright. I was going to type "Ummm - just curious. Bye!" But I thought that would be even ruder than just leaving quietly.
Author LBC Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 If she was doing this to you, have you thought about what it would do to you? she already has. And believe me I know how it feels.
Author LBC Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 Don't expect to ask a question like "how do I start an affair" on this board and not be called upon to examine the inner turmoils that have led you to this current train of thought. Do you think you're suffering from mid-life crisis, and are there other symptoms - such as the sudden need for a sporty two-seater car and highlights in your hair? my inner turmoils are curiosity and complacentcy. and mid life crisis, possibly. no need for new car or highlights. But I am balding.
Author LBC Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 Honestly I have no intentions of doing this. BUT the curiosity is there. the reason for asking was to see what people would say. I knew i would get the typical NO response. but I was hoping that I would get some insight as to HOW you intentionally start one. Cause most stories I read, the majority say, I wasnt looking for this to happen, it just happened. Now, could it just happen to me, possibly. But my OP was to info on how to intentionally start one. Again - this is curiosity only. I have too many moral convictions and faith to actualy do this. But the thought is in my mind.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 But the thought is in my mind. The thought is in your mind, which in a way is quite dangerous because you're allowing yourself to THINK of something in which you'll never do... Which eventually could turn into "hoping" it will happen. If you are having a midlifecrisis, sort it out. Go talk to a therapist or open up to your wife. Maybe you two need to spice up the sex life. Get some porn in there, act out fantasies and do role playing or something like that. I'm sorry that you didn't get the support you wanted here, but I'm not going to help you into a possible fling to make you feel good about yourself.
cal gal Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 I feel like if you're not smart enough to do it without help you just shouldn't do it. But hey, what do I know? Would this actually be considered a smart move? or a stupid move? Just wondering...
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Honestly I have no intentions of doing this. BUT the curiosity is there. the reason for asking was to see what people would say. I knew i would get the typical NO response. but I was hoping that I would get some insight as to HOW you intentionally start one. Cause most stories I read, the majority say, I wasnt looking for this to happen, it just happened. Now, could it just happen to me, possibly. But my OP was to info on how to intentionally start one. Again - this is curiosity only. I have too many moral convictions and faith to actualy do this. But the thought is in my mind. Well honestly it does usually "just happen"....when the cheating spouse "just happens" to have reasons to seek fulfillment outside of a relationship that they should have either ended or attended to. The affair is the lazy way of dealing with that inner turmoil. The american way is to externalize. Place blame on someone else and satisfy your inner child's insistent demands and thereby be justified. It's kind of weird to ask adviec on how to start an affair -- cheating is not a behavior that has norms and boundaries, since it's reactionary -- it is not an independent action and cannot therefore be analyzed as one.
Becoming Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 If you're looking for excitement, why not go play in traffic at a busy intersection. You'll get about the same results. And you're married because . . . ? Sorry, I just don't get it. Nor do I want to, so spare me the "enlightenment."
kitten chick Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Honestly I have no intentions of doing this. BUT the curiosity is there. the reason for asking was to see what people would say. I knew i would get the typical NO response. but I was hoping that I would get some insight as to HOW you intentionally start one. Cause most stories I read, the majority say, I wasnt looking for this to happen, it just happened. Now, could it just happen to me, possibly. But my OP was to info on how to intentionally start one. Again - this is curiosity only. I have too many moral convictions and faith to actualy do this. But the thought is in my mind. I think I understand where you're coming from. I don't know if it's good or bad but I think it's common to fantasize about cheating when you yourself have been cheated on. Especially when you're unhappy or feeling particularly unfulfilled. I think to act on those fantasies is fairly self destructive if you find it morally reprehensible to cheat because you will only be harming yourself by chipping away at your own self worth.
Becoming Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Oh, so it's revenge fantasy or fantasy revenge? If so, I get it. But isn't really having an affair, which the unchecked fantasy can make more likely, a little like biting off your nose to spite your face? You would find it wrong and hence harmful to your sense of values and thus your own self-image. It would make you feel worse about yourself, not better. What would really make you feel better is making a decision about what you want in the aftermath of your W's affair. If you want to put the marriage back together, do. If you don't want to work that hard by facing all that pain, that's perfectly understandable, but quit pretending.
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