Meaplus3 Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Need some input here. I am a MW who is trying to make sense of a recent EA I've been involved in. I was the one that pursed him sexually. Our friendly conversation's quickly turn to exciting one's about sex, because I planted that seed. He certainly made it seem like he was enjoying them. He tell's me one minute if we had sex his fear would be of losing his life, then the next minute it's not about that but the guilt he would feel. but he still like's talking with me. What I don't understand here is how is it that he doesn't mind speaking to me about general thing's as long as we don't talk about sex, even though I know he want's to and has such a major attraction to me. Apparently he has a ton of lady friends that he talks with. Sounds to me like he must not receive the feeling of beign needed by his spouse and look's to lead on woman and How could this man think this is not cheating on his wife?? I ask this beacuse he does not think we are having an EA and continues to feel like he has done nothing wrong. Also wanted to add this. He say's that he feel's so much pressure because he feels he can't give me what he think's I need and it scares him.
blind_otter Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 He is confused and trying to cope with contradictory impulses inside his head - one to be faithful, the other to seek sexual fulfillment. But he has stated what his boundaries are and what he feels comfortable with when in terms of interaction with you. I would simply respect his wishes and leave it at that. Otherwise you're just being pushy, and that's never attractive.
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 You are feeding his ego. He is enjoying himself and he KNOWS it is wrong as he is very close to crossing the line of no return IF he has sex with you. I'm sure he wants to bang you - SO remember, most men can separate sex and feelings. Just because he enjoys your company, you make him feel good does NOT mean he has 'feelings' for you. DO NOT MISTAKE THAT!! If you do, you're screwed in more ways than none. He is justifying his ego being fed. He is lying to himself as well as you. So take control of the situation and stop playing. HE isn't your 'friend' because you both confessed sexual feelings for eachother. Friends don't tell eachother that stuff. Keep that in the back of your head at all times. WHY are you both allowing this to go on? It really doesn't matter what he thinks or feels. You're both married to other people. And there are kids involved, so there is another reason to stop this. NO good will come of it, you know this, he knows this yet BOTH of you are enjoying this little fun filled selfish game. Stop playing, end the friendship and live your life with your family. His feelings do not count here. Only your husband's should count.
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 You are feeding his ego. He is enjoying himself and he KNOWS it is wrong as he is very close to crossing the line of no return IF he has sex with you. I'm sure he wants to bang you - SO remember, most men can separate sex and feelings. Just because he enjoys your company, you make him feel good does NOT mean he has 'feelings' for you. DO NOT MISTAKE THAT!! If you do, you're screwed in more ways than none. He is justifying his ego being fed. He is lying to himself as well as you. So take control of the situation and stop playing. HE isn't your 'friend' because you both confessed sexual feelings for eachother. Friends don't tell eachother that stuff. Keep that in the back of your head at all times. WHY are you both allowing this to go on? It really doesn't matter what he thinks or feels. You're both married to other people. And there are kids involved, so there is another reason to stop this. NO good will come of it, you know this, he knows this yet BOTH of you are enjoying this little fun filled selfish game. Stop playing, end the friendship and live your life with your family. His feelings do not count here. Only your husband's should count. Thank's for the advice, as this make's perfect sense. I know it's terrible for me to enjoy this little game. I have backed off and am not going to try and push him to cross the line beacuse there is to much to risk here for us both This guy is a feeling's and sensitve type of guy and I believe he is the type of man that would be afraid more so that we just might fall in love if we were to start a PA.
whichwayisup Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 You're welcome. Just keep reaffirming how much EACH of you have to lose. And that the grass isn't greener on the otherside of the fence.
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 And a frightened man is oh so attractive. This is true, LOL!!
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 you know it! ROTFLOL!!! I needed a good laugh today, Thank's!! :rolleyes:
lvybnfe Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 This man obviously stated that he did not want to have sex, regardless of his reasons (scared, guilt, getting caought) They all play a role in his decision. The phone calls have got to stop! The sooner you realize this is NOT your husband, the sooner you can pay attention to yours. Go away for a weekend, take a fun class together, movies, dancing, anything just do SOMETHING with your husband! Leave this married man alone! You know what you need to do, so accept it and do it. (Or DONT do it in this case!)
Author Meaplus3 Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 This man obviously stated that he did not want to have sex, regardless of his reasons (scared, guilt, getting caought) They all play a role in his decision. The phone calls have got to stop! The sooner you realize this is NOT your husband, the sooner you can pay attention to yours. Go away for a weekend, take a fun class together, movies, dancing, anything just do SOMETHING with your husband! Leave this married man alone! You know what you need to do, so accept it and do it. (Or DONT do it in this case!) Oh I realize this man is not my husband alright and I would never want him to be. I have been lead on with mixed signals from him for a LONG time that lead to the sexual attraction talk This man clearly has some major issues he need's to deal with, tha'ts all I am saying. How men can flirt away with woman give off all these major signal's have ton's of lady friend's that they can converse with and then pretend they are so innocent it makes me SICK!! Seems to me he just came out smelling like a rose!! I am just trying to get over all this and am feeling the anger part now! I allready know that my husband come's first and will be working on enjoying my marriage once again. I feel very bad for this man's wife, for apparently he has been in this situation before while married and continues to have a bunch of female friend's that he chats with. In my opinion he is headed down THE WRONG ROAD, better him then me!
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