RedRose3373 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Hello All I am 33, met a wonderful 41 year old guy on a personals web site. Our first date was last saturday - almost 1 week ago, the connection was instant. We had a great time together & we ended up making out on the first date, which i never kiss on the first date. We talked every day since then & we went out on our 2nd date last night & made out again. It got real hot & heavy, but i wouldn't let it go any further. I usually try to wait 3 months before having sex with men. & had sex one time with an ex boyfriend after 1 week. So 1 week & 3 months & they both didn't work out!! So how long should i wait to have sex with this new guy. I obviously can't judge right, cause nothing ever worked out for me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I think "rules" are silly. Waiting 3 months, or 48 days or 272 hours regardless of the particular situation is kind of junior high, in my opinion. I think you should wait until you feel comfortable that you know him and trust him. If you're looking for a formula to "trap" a man, then you're going to spend your life playing games instead of actually living. Also, I think that how soon you have sex very rarely really has that great an impact on the success or failure of relationship. It succeeds or fails because you are compatible or because you are not. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Also, I think that how soon you have sex very rarely really has that great an impact on the success or failure of relationship. It succeeds or fails because you are compatible or because you are not. I'd agree with that. Link to post Share on other sites
IWalkAlone Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 Three months sounds like a long time to me. In my experience, if it doesn't happen by the 3rd date, it never will happen. But don't feel pressured about that. Pay attention to how he feels, but don't lose a good catch because of an arbitrary waiting rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose3373 Posted March 2, 2006 Author Share Posted March 2, 2006 I think that how soon you have sex very rarely really has that great an impact on the success or failure of relationship. It succeeds or fails because you are compatible or because you are not. Yes i agree with this quote also I did it in 1 week & waited 3 months & both relationships didn't work out & it wasn't due to the time of sex, it was that we weren't compatible. Good advice. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I guess I'm the one to disagree here. We all have desires and some men are open minded enough to look past the fact you jumped in bed on the 1st date or the first week. And most other men wonder "How many people has she been with, does she do that with everyone"? Suddenly they are less special and you are less spectacular. There is no challenge. As the saying goes "Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free". If I sleep with someone I want that man to be my friend and a friend does not happen in 1 day or a week, it happens over months. I think sex is handled with more respect and consideration when that man knows you as a friend and cares about you as a person. If you give it instantly you are just some chick he screwed and the woman can end up pretty dissapointed. Like I said, not all men do this but many do. And if that man cares for you as a person he will stick around and wait. It would be nice if we could all act on our desires and do what we want in the moment. Unfortunately society still has many standards and due to male nature it's usually not in the best interest of the female despite how open minded we think we are. And I must mention there's simply a lot of crazy people out there. I do want to be naked on some guys sheets I have known for 3 days. For all I know he could be into tying me up and cutting me for sexual pleasure, raping me or killing me. Let's not pretend that doesn't happen either...... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 1st or 2nd date. I wouldn't be exclusive with a girl if we weren't having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Raven1845 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I don't believe in the "time limit rules." I think they're childish. I totally agree with CatGirl1927. (Though, Groovy mentioning you don't want to end up with someone who ties you up and cuts you is a VERY good point as well). I know within 5 minutes (or less), if I will ever want to sleep with a guy. I, of course, won't do it on the 6th minute or even on the first date, but I don't go by any sort of "rule." It's good to know someone, but you don't necessarily need to be friends with them. I knew my ex for 3 months before I slept with him, but we were just in the same college class together and talked and flirted, but weren't really "friends." Once I put a guy in a "friends" category . . . that is where he stays forever. People who want a challenge are never happy . . . not in a long term relationship, anyway. Once they catch you, it's no more fun for them, and it's off to chase someone else. I say, do what makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I say, do what makes you happy. w3rd. Life's too short to limit your boning. Link to post Share on other sites
Raven1845 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 w3rd. Life's too short to limit your boning. Amen, baby! Link to post Share on other sites
BenefitOfTheDoubt Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Yeah, I wouldn't get bogged down in "rules" for this sort of thing. Everybody feels differently and interprets different choices differently, and you can never know how someone will react to your decision ... ... so you've got to go by how *you* feel -- how you interpret your decision and you will react to your decision. Because he may or may not be around the next day, so you need to be okay with what you've decided. I don't know, grain of salt because I think I'm in the middle of experiencing a disappearing act from a guy I met online with whom I thought I had an amazing connection ... we'd had the opportunity to have sex the last time I saw him. I hadn't felt ready and had thus declined, and I'm thanking God I didn't have sex with him now because I'd be a lot more devastated by the current state of affairs if I had. (Of course, the possibility exists that he wouldn't have disappeared if I had had sex with him, but that's really not the kind of guy I want to be with, so if that's why he's gone, then good riddance! ) Link to post Share on other sites
ttmmpp Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Ok Rose it's ttmmpp, and guess what I met my guy online too. I am 38 and he's 44. My belief is everything lies in the kiss. (So I do kiss on the 1st date, I just gotta know.) You said the kiss was great, that is sooo important, so you know that's going for you. But take your time, you'll know when it's right. Trust me all signs will point to yes. If there is any thought in your mind that it's too soon, then it's too soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 Just know a lot of men from the internet are in for sex only. If you enjoy sex and can protect yourself from AIDS then go for it. If your like me and will be hurt that he leaves your life afterward than you may want to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose3373 Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Yes Groovy i am like u. It would KILL me if we had sex & then he never called again, i couldn't handle that. I am going to wait a bit longer. Maybe after 1 full month, i will feel better then. I think 1 or 2 weeks is too soon. I can't take the chance of him leaving , but then again, i could wait 3 full months like i usually do & he could end up leaving anyway, all depends on the type of man he is. Yes i heard that too, that all the guys on personals sites are just in it for the sex. There has to be a normal one on there, hopefully i found him. We shall see TTmmpp, wow u met yours online too? Thats great. I am 33, my new man is 41. Yes i kissed him on the first date, which i never do. It was wonderful. We both agreed that we could stay there all night & make out. He kissed my with such passion!!!! Keep me posted!!& i will do the same Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I'll be the dark horse here and say if you have sex right away, the dynamic of the relationship will change. It's happened to me every time, because when there is sex, we start assuming things like exclusivity, love and much more. Unless it's a FWB arrangement, I would wait until such a time as things are more clear. Sex tends to muck up a relationship that really hasn't been established on firm ground. Once the sex starts, the emotions start going and assumptions can easily be made. I guess I question someone that can't wait for sex. I know I love it too, but at the same time, am I worth the wait or are you just boning me because I am willing and able, not because you really care about me. I consider sex a very special thing and feel that having it while truly in love is 1000 times better than not. Link to post Share on other sites
Raven1845 Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I consider sex a very special thing and feel that having it while truly in love is 1000 times better than not. You're absolutely right, CaliGuy. Love makes it better. Actually, I've never had sex with anyone I wasn't in love with . . . or at least on my way to being that way. Sex is very special, and it's good to know there are still guys out there that feel that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 Hello Ok just an update. Things are still going really well with the new guy. We discussed sex & he said that he is willing to wait as long as I like. He also said that its too soon for it. I almost fell off my chair when i heard that come out of his mouth. But of course a man is going to say that haha. Thank GOD I get my friend this week hahaha. Anyway. We did fool around a bit, but I'm holding out for a bit with the sex. I told him that I have 1 request when & if we do have sex. I told him I want us to be exclusive. He said of course. He said that he doesn't date more than i women at a time anyway. He said he's not dating anyone but me now. I still can't believe that i met a good one on the web. Link to post Share on other sites
l2hvn Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I personally wouldn't sleep with someone unless I know that we have mutually agreed to be exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose3373 Posted March 6, 2006 Author Share Posted March 6, 2006 Yes I totally agree with u. I need to know that its totally exclusive! I can't imagine sleeping with someone & then not knowing if they have been with someone the night before me or the night after. He said i'm the only one that he's dating now. So i guess that means that we are exclusive now :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Raven1845 Posted March 6, 2006 Share Posted March 6, 2006 I personally wouldn't sleep with someone unless I know that we have mutually agreed to be exclusive. Absolutely!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose3373 Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Ok guys i've been thinking I have been with the new man for almost 2 weeks now. We talk everyday etc. I am thinking is it too early still to take our relationship to the next level? He is willing to wait for sex, but i'm not sure if i could wait any longer. Should i take it to the next level or hold out for a bit more? Need advice Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 Just know a lot of men from the internet are in for sex only. If you enjoy sex and can protect yourself from AIDS then go for it. If your like me and will be hurt that he leaves your life afterward than you may want to wait. Agree. It all depends upon what sex means for you. If it's a deeper commitment for you but it's just sex for him, there'll be no end of trouble as you keep trying to make the relationship what it won't ever be because that's not what it is for him. You'll just end up frustrated and berating yourself for wasting a lot of time with something that won't work. (Does that make sense?) Whatever happened to just getting to know people first before deciding if this is really a person you want to be that emotionally invested in, which is what it sounds like sex is for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose3373 Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Hello yes u r right Sex is much deeper for me. Its special. To be totally honest with u, i have waited 3 months & 1 week ( 1 time), & the relationship didn't work out anyway, but not because of how long i waited, it has nothing to do with that. If the guy is only out for the sex, then he could leave at anytime. Ok question answered. I think i'll wait. Maybe 1 month i'll be in a better place to decide thanks Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 If the guy is only out for the sex, then he could leave at anytime. This is the thing to keep in mind. Forget the rules and do what you want to do. Are you sure you're not worried about not being able to offer him anything other than physical gratification? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RedRose3373 Posted March 7, 2006 Author Share Posted March 7, 2006 Yes u r correct He can leave at any time. No i'm not worried at all that all i can give him is physical gratication! We get along great each date We both feel so comfortable with each other. & we are just so physically attracted to each other, its hard to hold back haah Link to post Share on other sites
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