taylor3205 Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Well I am actually starting to feel a little bit better. By that I mean I am not hurting like crazy 24/7. Its been 5 months now since we split with nearly 3 months of NC. NC is really the way to go in these situations, I think if I seen/spoke to my ex I would go right back to square one!!! Anyway things are getting better BUT I just have no interest in anyone romantically at all. I have met a couple of people and one of them has fell for me, they are good looking, nice personality and everything, while it makes me feel good getting the attention I just feel like there is nothing there, no chemistry. Will I ever feel the way I did with my ex with somebody else?? Im not too sure, me and my ex just clicked, we were together 7 years. I must admit I am not looking nor am I ready for a full on relationship atm, but it would be nice to think I will meet someone else in the future and have just as good as relationship if not better than the one I had with my ex. Do you think it will ever happen??
sick of it Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Yes it will happen. Yes its hard to believe sometimes. I was with my ex for 5.5 years. Something that long means a lot. 7 years is a long time. its been 10 months since my break up and im not interested in anyone either. its hard to think of anyone else when there was someone that big in your life. its ok. it normal. dont rush it, dont try to make it happen. it always happens when you dont expect it. there will always be set backs, there will always be days of misery. but never think that your ex was your 1 chance at love. there will be someone else. you must hive it time and when youre ready...when youre deep down ready, you will find someone else.
qnmc Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 It's been the same experience with me, i've met some really attractive females (both on the inside and outside) who I know I'll most likely be kicking myself over in a few months (broke up 4 months ago), but it's as if I'm just too tired on the inside to really put forth the energy to make something work, to make that all important "connection." I'm truly trying, but it's as if there's nothing I can do about it. From past experience and the other threads I've read I really think it takes at least a good 6 months to a year before you're really "ready". Very frustrating. I guess the conclusion I've come to during this time is that while, just like you, I'm not really ready for a serious relationship (though I'd like to be), I need to keep going out on dates to sort of keep my head in the game. My hope is that it will slowly but surely help pull me out of this tired feeling as well as keep my dating skills up for when I am eventually ready. Other people may need to swear off the dating scene entirely. I think it just varies by the individual. You're not alone on this one.
AltplanB Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 then how come the people that dump us are ready immediately? Took her three weeks and i dont even know if it could of been sooner. She never looked back and all our time together was gone in a flash and the only thing she could tell me was that she was really screwed up and that she was really sorry for hurting me. Other than that, she kept doing what she was doing. Are these people safe to date? Ones that can just bounce from relationship to relationship, spewing things to you making you think your their one and only?
qnmc Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 "how come the people that dump us are ready immediately?' Isn't it amazing what a rub this is?!?!? The unfortunate thing is that when someone decides to break up it is normally not something they've arrived at over night. They've gotten to the decision over time, and it is this "time" that has allowed them to accept it and get a head start on recovering themselves. It is the same with the person who was dumped, it will take time to get over it. But you can rest assured that although it appears to us they've moved on and forgotten about us, trust me, they haven't. Think about when you've been the dumper. If it helps, you can take solace in the fact that you're still on their mind wondering whether they made the right decision. The bummer here is that there is nothing you can do to affect that decision - it is something only they can decide. Any attempt to affect that decision results in them definitely not reconsidering. Hence, NC is the only way. "Other than that, she kept doing what she was doing." The lesson I've learned here is that it is actions, and actions only, that count. What a person says does not hold a candle to their actions. In the future I plan to listen a heck of a lot more to my gut. When I look back on my last relationship, there were definitely some odd behaviors that my gut noticed but that my heart rationalized away. What I've learned is that as males, we are famously bad about projecting our feelings on to our ladies and it allows us to rationalize away what our gut is telling us - ok, she's never snapped like that on me before... but, she must love me as much as I love her... so I must be overreacting. "Are these people safe to date?" Unfortunately that's the gamble you take in a relationship, that they may decide to leave you or you may decide to leave them. It's a universal truth. Trust me, I know how high-handed this sounds, and though it sucks, it is true. In a strange way, accepting this has helped me immensely. If anything, what I've tried to do coming out of my last relationship is use all of that negative energy to make a study of what does in fact make a relationship work. I feel I am infinetly more prepared than I ever have been for making a better decision with where my heart goes in the future. I'm not saying the next time will be the right decision, but I trust myself more than I ever have. But the gamble is worth it when you eventually find the right person for you.
Simons Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 The first guy my ex dated had a baby. She never new this and found out later by her self. The guy was hiding this from her. She was even contemplating marrying him. After she realised he had baby, she left him. Later she hooked up with another guy. This is the guy she made me talked to over the phone. Later she told me, the guy was planning to move to another country. All we can do is move far away from them. They are on a mission, a mission to get somebody new, hopping that this person will be a better person than us. I choose to go NC and I have no clue as to what lever their friendhip has reached. I really don't wanna know, thats too much info that i cannot handle
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