tracerit Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 This is hypothetical. Say you're in a great relationship, and all of a sudden, someone new comes into your life and you are starting to have a great time with him/her. This girl/guy starts a friendship with you, but soon begins to show signs that they're interested in you and begins getting closer, knowing that you're already in an excellent relationship. How would you handle this? Would you tell this person that yo'ure in a relationship and don't appreciate being hit on and sever the friendship? or would you let them know you're not interested and try to continue the friendship? i'm just curious, i was in a relationship for two years and my ex left me for someone else that she met and knew for only two weeks. it killed me, and i'm afraid that i'll run into this situation again in the future. it wasn't until a few months after the breakup that i have come to the realization that she wasn't happy with me for a year, and found someone new that made her so happy she had to let me go. i can't blame her for that anymore. she treated me like **** after the breakup too, she never called me and ALWAYS talked about him when we hung out, knowing that i still loved her. that was just cruel. lol now i'm just rambling on haha but yeah, my ex destroyed my trust for any future relationship (even though ihaven't had one yet, she was my first). from now on, if i ever get into a relationship, i'm going to try not to get so attached, has anyone ever been in a situation similar to mine and tried not become attached in future relationships and succeeded?
lindya Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 but yeah, my ex destroyed my trust for any future relationship (even though ihaven't had one yet, she was my first). from now on, if i ever get into a relationship, i'm going to try not to get so attached, has anyone ever been in a situation similar to mine and tried not become attached in future relationships and succeeded? If you're not emotionally attached to someone, then I don't see how you can be described as being in a relationship with them. In a relationship you're having certain emotional needs/wants met, and at the same time you're meeting the other persons needs/wants. I don't see how it's possible to do that without making some sort of emotional investment. If you're looking for the comfort blanket you get from someone making an emotional investment in you without returning the favour, then essentially you'll just be using that person for psychological masturbation. Many people get hurt at some point, and find their ability to trust and attach to others is impacted upon by that. It starts off that you don't want to trust anyone again....then it develops to the "I'd like to be able to trust again, but I'm finding it difficult." If you can find a partner who is patient about the fact that you have some trust issues, and will help you to work through them, then that's great. As for getting involved with someone who puts their trust in you, in good faith, without realising that you have no intention of getting attached to them because of issues relating to an ex-partner. That seems a little shoddy. I hope you don't do it.
littlekitty Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 We all get hurt in love. It's a fact, some of us many times over. But if you don't open yourself to others and learn to give your trust to each new person, then you aren't leaving yourself open to find love. Each new person should be treated with trust until such time as they break it. You can't hold someone elses crimes against every new person you might have a relationship with. Is that fair to them? To presume they'll be just like your ex? No. Trying not to become emtionally attached, won't help you form secure, good relationships, and it's downright unfair to the person you'd be leading on.
Recommended Posts