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Posted

I Have Been Dating My Bf For 8 Months Now. We Met Last July At His Sister's Wedding ( My Cousin's Husband Was The Best Man) Which Was Out Of Town. We Hit It Off Right Away And I Ended Up Getting Caught In His Town For A Few Extra Days By Chance. He Flew Down To Visit Me A Day After I Had Made It Back Home.

 

From Then On We Would Take Turns Visiting Each Other, And Made It A Point To Not Go Longer Than 2 Weeks At A Time. He Is The First Person I Have Ever Genuinely Liked Being With, Regardless Of What We Are Doing. He Makes Me Want To Better Myself And I Respect The Person That He Is Completely. The Feelings, As Far As I Know, Were And Are Completely Mutual.

 

Then About A Month Ago He Told Me That He Wasn't Sure If He Wanted To Be With Me Anymore. Nothing Had Happened To Bring This On, And He Couldn't Give Me Any Reason. He Was Sobbing When I Brought Up The Fact That We May Actually Never See One Another Again. Then He Told Me He Wasn't Sure What He Wanted, And That He Needed Time. I Thought He'd Separate Himself From Me To Think About What He Wanted, But He Called Every Night, And Continued To Tell Me That He Loves Me.

 

Then About 6 Weeks After Telling Me All Of This, I Went Up To Visit Him. Things Were Fine And We Had A Great Time Together. We Never Really Discussed The Big Issue At Hand, I Guess Mainly B/c We Both Wanted To Just Enjoy One Another. Then, On My Last Night There, I Brought It Up. He Said That He Is Afraid B/c He Is Feeling Old And He Is Not Sure He Is Ready To Settle Down (note: I Have Never Brought Up Marriage Or Settling Down).he Said That He Loves Me And Doesn't Want To Lose Me But He Is Having These Doubts And Not Sure Why. He Tells Me That I Am The Most Beautiful Woman He Has Ever Been With, The Coolest Has Ever Known. He Says I Am Perfect. He Is Frustrated B/c He Doesnt Know Where These Doubts Are Coming From.he Is Afraid That He Will Regret It If He Breaks It Off With Me.

 

I Am At My Wits End. I Love Him So Dearly, But At The Same Time, His Doubt And Fear About Our Relationship Is Really Hurting Me. I Told Him We Should Take A Little Break, But He Doesn't Want To. He Just Keeps Telling Me That He Knows That He Really Loves Me. What Do I Do? Do I Break It Off And Move On, Or Do I Hang Tight And Wait For Him To Figure Out Where These Feelings Are Coming From?

 

Please Help Me!!!

Posted

shew, that's a tough one.

Posted
What Do I Do?

 

How old are you guys?

 

He obviously has commitment issues, and these typically only subside with age. If he's early to mid 20s, it might just be too soon for him.

Posted

Hon,

 

In the future please don't capitalize all the words in your post. It makes it hard to read.

 

 

Anyway, with regards to your problem....there's really no way to force this issue. You will have to give him the space and time he needs to sort things out.

 

The worst thing you can do is demand an answer or try to manipulate him into feeling differently.

 

 

He probably saw the relationship travelling down a certain road and he's not sure that's the way he wants to go.

Even if you never talked marriage, perhaps you gave off some signal that you thought the two of you were destined for 'forever'

 

A lot of people get freaked out when they think their partner is emotionally ahead of them.

 

Tell him you understand his conflict (even if inside you are a wreck) and that you are going to let him go and move on.

 

Do NOT call, text, email, IM or contact him in any way.

 

My guess is that if his love for you is genuine, you will be hearing back from him in 3-6 weeks.

 

If not, you know it wasn't strong enough for the long haul.

Posted

You will save yourself hours if you don't Capitalize Every Word!

 

Bide your time. Give him a chance to sort himself out. I don't know why everybody has to rush into relationships or rush from relationship to relationship. Tell him you're in no rush to be making life decisions and if he wants to keep you around without making a lifetime commitment yet, that's fine. People can date for several years before they decide to settle down.

Posted

I agree with Outcast on everything (even down to the capitalization :laugh: ). 8 months is not a long time especially if you are in a LDR. I have been in a LDR for 2 years and am not even close to a committment (or saying I love you), we are just letting things happen naturally and taking things as they come...and its the healthiest relationship I've ever had! Take your time and just enjoy each other, he will either come around or you'll move on.

Posted

I agree with the others. He obiviously really loves you but is at some sort of a cross roads. Many men go through this when they meet someone they think is right for them. They freak out, hide in their cave and come out when they think it's safe. Just enjoy your time with him, don't bring it up and he should come around and get used to the idea you are right for eachother. Don't expect any big commitment from him for a couple of years.

Posted

Afraid Of Not Using Capitals

 

Agree with the other posters. JayKay's estimate of 3-6 weeks I think is spot on (make it 6). In fact you should enforce that time period even if he does not.

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