blind_otter Posted March 6, 2006 Posted March 6, 2006 In that context, so is sleeping with ANY man that you are not married to. But then, such sayings only perpetrate the idea that the man, and not the woman get a benefit from sex. No. It's all about us, too and our pleasure. No one is getting anything free. I think the implication is that the consequences for this kind of diversion are more drastic for women, as we are the ones who carry and bear children. In the historical context of the time in which such sayings were created (and to a lesser extent, in modern times as well), this was a shrewd warning to young women who may be impressionable. Have you ever read "Summer" by Edith Wharton? Classic example, dude cheats on his fiancee with young, impressionable girl, gets her pregnant, leaves her.
ColoradoGal Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 How about this gift... The gift of straight talk and honesty (for both of you) by telling him that he can't possibly be the father he wants to be by cheating, lying and sneaking around on their mother - the one woman his children love more than anything else in the world. He doesn't have to stay in that situation if he doesn't want to...his children would rather have an honest, honorable, DIVORCED dad than one who is doing things that could harm not only their mother's soul but also do major damage to theirs. If you don't think children suffer horribly when they find out about their parent's infidelity (and they usually do sooner or later) you are really fooling yourself. They are the ones that suffer the most. Hands down.
Author scarletletter Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 That is a good idea...don't think we haven't already had that discussion on numerous occasions. It usually ends in tears and feelings of despair. I don't want to do that to him. He has made some plans and so have I. We just have to stick to those plans so that no one gets hurt. The last thing I want to happen is for his wife and children to find out about me. She seems to be a good mother and I respect her for that. She is not, however, a good wife. I have seen what she does to him, emotionally. It is a terribal thing to watch and I cannot stand it. He knows it is inevitable that they will divorce. He is trying to handle the situation as best that he can right now. I try not to cloud his judgement and we don't see each other as much as we used to because I cannot stand to see him hurt the way that he does. When he is with me, that is what we talk about. I try to bring him back to Earth after she has destroyed him. It is a long story and a very sad one. His children are the most important thing, and we are doing everything to protect them right now. I am more than just the ow...I am his best friend. Our relationship is so much more than sexual....no one could ever understand unless they knew the whole story. By the way, I gave him his gifts today and he loved them. I don't know why I was ever worried about that.
Author scarletletter Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 Yes, I think that most are really supportive and give good responses to questions that are asked. I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone will understand or agree with me and I also have thrashed out at people when I believe strongly about something. It is terribal that people get hurt and end up here to get support only to be told..."I told you so!" People don't wanna hear that. They (we) all know what they (we) are doing and that we are not saints. I don't know about everyone else, but I don't need to be reminded that the love of my life has a so-called wife at home. I know this!! I think about it every minute of every day, so its not really news to me. I try really hard to stay positive and not to let the comments bring me down. I don't think that my story is so unique, I just don't want to bring myself down to the level of bashing the wife or his family, or him for that matter. The wife had to have had some positive attributes or he never would have married her. She apparently has lost those attributes but is still one of the best mothers around. I respect that...I just get really aggrivated sometimes that she shares more with him than I do, even as negative as she is to him. I am so thankful for the time that I have with him. I pray to God that I will not be hurt, but I am tremendously strong and I got myself into this and it will all be okay one day. I think there are so many smart women (and men) in this forum and I truly respect the decisions that they make too. What I hate to see are the young ones that have no idea what they are getting in to come on here and ask if they are doing the right thing. Wow...I talk too much...sorry!!! lol
cal gal Posted March 7, 2006 Posted March 7, 2006 Hey, I thought you were planning to exchange the shirts for something less obvious?
Author scarletletter Posted March 7, 2006 Author Posted March 7, 2006 Yeah, I was. Which is why I got him the books...lol. I ended up giving him the shirts too. I am so silly...I over-analyze everything. Lots of good ideas for next gift. I love the cd idea....if I could only figure out how to use my cd burner!
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