GoingDownSwinging Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 So its over. I have posted on here many times about my situation and have droaned on and on about how I was ready for no contact and how my ex had done so many hurtful things to me...yet I have continued to talk to him. Now its bad. He was so back and forth about things. One minute he wanted to talk to me and the next he didn't. He has told me several times over the past month that he wanted to be with me and the he needed to see me. It even went as far as me buying 2 seperate sets of plane tickets to fly down to see him this weekend. Needless to say, I have had to cancel both sets of tickets. This week things have been really bad. He has been telling me that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore...and last night he finally told me that he was seeing someone else. He then called back and told me that he wasn't seeing anyone else...but later retracted and said that he was. I'm confused. Anyways, I say all of that to say this: I have yet to contact him today and its driving me nuts. In a way, it helps me to know that he is seeing someone else (if he really is) b/c it gives me all the motivation in the world not to talk to him. I am still very very very very sad though and have cried for the most part of the day. Will it ever get better? I am a Christian and wholeheartedly believe that whatever is in God's plan will happen, but its still so hard...I need encouragement please!
hurtbeyondwords Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 I too belive that things happen for a reason. Our answers will come when we are ready. It's really hard waiting but in the mean time it's good to do things for yourself so that when the time does come you will be good and ready. You are far from alone.
In Sync Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 So its over. I have posted on here many times about my situation and have droaned on and on about how I was ready for no contact and how my ex had done so many hurtful things to me...yet I have continued to talk to him. Now its bad. He was so back and forth about things. One minute he wanted to talk to me and the next he didn't. He has told me several times over the past month that he wanted to be with me and the he needed to see me. It even went as far as me buying 2 seperate sets of plane tickets to fly down to see him this weekend. Needless to say, I have had to cancel both sets of tickets. This week things have been really bad. He has been telling me that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore...and last night he finally told me that he was seeing someone else. He then called back and told me that he wasn't seeing anyone else...but later retracted and said that he was. I'm confused. Anyways, I say all of that to say this: I have yet to contact him today and its driving me nuts. In a way, it helps me to know that he is seeing someone else (if he really is) b/c it gives me all the motivation in the world not to talk to him. I am still very very very very sad though and have cried for the most part of the day. Will it ever get better? I am a Christian and wholeheartedly believe that whatever is in God's plan will happen, but its still so hard...I need encouragement please! I am now of the beleif that a majority of our suffering aka heartache aka refusal to let go... is because of "words" the words that the Ex's supply us. We allow the words that they tell us to provide us with delusions and false hope. 'He said this to me and I believed him' or 'she told me she loved me and how could she dump me the next day?'. Take a look for yourself and read how many of us have been left broken hearted because we wanted to believe the meaningless words the dumper has provided to the dumpee. NC has major value for all of us..because it's during that time to put the earplugs in the ear and block out the words. And assess what's happening here. Ok..step back and look at the actions. Did your ex feel the need to buy tixs to resolve the confusion? What has he done (his actions), well so far he broke it off from you and he's possibly seeing someone else? Forget the words he tells you, because the words are meant to confuse you. Examine the actions....
qnmc Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Ugh. I know what you mean about those first days after a breakup. I don't know your story, so though you might have broken up a while ago, sounds like you're still in the midst of it. It also sounds like you've done everything you can to put this back on track. I'd say now is the time to focus on yourself. I know, easier said than done. You may even want to take a look at No Foolin's guide to no contact. Though every fiber in your being may be telling you to keep in touch, it is only when they are out of sight and out of mind that we can truly regain the perspective we so need, get ourselves better, and back to normal. To answer your question - YOU WILL GET BETTER! It will not always feel this way. Each day is a bit better than the previous. It's just a process that takes time.
qnmc Posted March 2, 2006 Posted March 2, 2006 Couldn't agree more with In Sync. It is the actions that count, never the words. This is one of the great lessons to take away from an otherwise awful-feeling situation. It is always the actions that count.
Author GoingDownSwinging Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 okay so it has almost been 2 full days of NC. I went to bed last night and had sort of a peace about everything. I believe that my ex called around 11:30 last night...I'm sure he was startled that I hadn't broken NC yet. I say that I "believe" he called because I am not exactly sure if I dreamed it or if he really called. I remember hearing my phone, seeing it was him, and deleting the call...however, I am not sure if this really happened or if I dreamed it. Sounds crazy, I know. Anyways, I am starting to feel much better about things. It still hurts and I still think about him often, but through prayer and perserverance I believe that I will be ok in the long run. I know he will continue to call and I know that I have no choice but to not answer, something I hadn't realized until now.
In Sync Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 okay so it has almost been 2 full days of NC. I went to bed last night and had sort of a peace about everything. I believe that my ex called around 11:30 last night...I'm sure he was startled that I hadn't broken NC yet. I say that I "believe" he called because I am not exactly sure if I dreamed it or if he really called. I remember hearing my phone, seeing it was him, and deleting the call...however, I am not sure if this really happened or if I dreamed it. Sounds crazy, I know. Anyways, I am starting to feel much better about things. It still hurts and I still think about him often, but through prayer and perserverance I believe that I will be ok in the long run. I know he will continue to call and I know that I have no choice but to not answer, something I hadn't realized until now. NC is truly for you to heal. Of course your ex is probably going to call you because for him it's about not losing control over keeping you in an ambilvilent state. YOU WILL BE OK. No doubt about that, but understand for yourself that the desire to break it is going to be uncomfortable as all hell. Prayer is always good. Great in fact. Remember the words your ex is tossing is meaningless babble to get you hooked and keep you there. Let him put something on the table. ACTIONS. Not fairy tale promises to keep you confused. Good Luck.
Author GoingDownSwinging Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 In Sync, Thank you for your insightful words. My Dad has always warned me about putting too much stock in people's words and not enough stock in their actions. I never wanted to believe him. You have helped put things into perspective and I'm very appreciative. For my future relationships I know that I need to pay closer attention to what the man does, rather than what he says. This would have made all the difference in my past relationships as it will for my future ones. Thanks for such useful advice
Ariadne Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Hi you, is because of "words" the words that the Ex's supply us. We allow the words that they tell us to provide us with delusions and false hope. It's weird. My problem was that I never believed in his words... Ariadne
In Sync Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Hi you, is because of "words" the words that the Ex's supply us. We allow the words that they tell us to provide us with delusions and false hope. It's weird. My problem was that I never believed in his words... Ariadne There's only words or deeds (actions) that you can assess whom you're dealing with...if you didn't believe his words maybe you were looking at his deeds and judging or misjudging them....Just look at the words as decoration when someone is trying to sell you a bill of goods. P.S. You're not the only one who's ever had that same problem..
Ariadne Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Hi, You're not the only one who's ever had that same problem.. Yep. I think that in general, women tend to ignore what the guys tell them and believe what they want to believe. Usually, that they'll change. Men, instead, tend to believe anything they hear and ignore of the evidence. Ariadne
In Sync Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 Yep. I think that in general, women tend to ignore what the guys tell them and believe what they want to believe. Usually, that they'll change.Ariadne Exactly..we pick and choose the words and what they tell us..in hope..but had I ever paid attention the guy's actions I was with I could have spared myself alot of misery...
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