the_alchemyst Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 Hi! I was initially going to post this in the jealousy sub-forum, but I'm not sure whether this even has anything to jealousy or if it's just anger. As I mentioned before, I've been with my bf for 2 years and have known his for about 5. I think that we are very different in some ways--think of me as the quiet, studious type, and of him as the funny and outgoing type. I wouldn't say he's a "party guy", but he definitely does enjoy going out with people more than I do. I guess that overall I am just way more resserved and he more social. And that leads me to the problem: His friends. I hate them. Not all of them, mind you. One of them I actually get a long with great. It is just this little "group" of people, consisting of mostly males and a few females, that live in this apartment nearby his house. They drink and smoke in that dinky apartment and are always throwing parties. He hangs out with them about twice a week, and since we got back together a few months ago, he has only been to one of their parties [which he called "hanging out"]. He says he doesn't drink while over there anymore. Why do I hate them so much? Because one of them was a total jerk to me during high school for completely unvalidated reasons; I haven't forgotten, but I don't make it a point to bring it up. And to be honest--I don't know why I hate the rest. I just do. Maybe because I know they are a bunch of good-for-nothings that will never invite him to do anything good or productive. He never invites me to hang out with them, but I don't blame him. He knows I hate them, and has openly told me he is "fine" with that; that I don't have to like them and that he is not going to force me to do so or anything. And to be honest, he really doesn't hang out with them as much as he used to (when we were not together). In fact, out of the days of the week, he is with me about 3 or 4, and with them (mostly that particular group, but sometimes with his other friends, too) once or twice. But man . . . I can't stand them and every time I know he is with them I get super angry. I hate them all so much and I really wish he wouldn't talk to them anymore. He once told me that if I asked him not to hang out with them anymore, he would stop, but that he would feel hurt by me because I know he "doesn't have many friends" to begin with. Plus, I wouldn't ask him that anyway . . . Omg. I hate them. So much. What can I do about this? Should I try to make peace? Or should I just brush them off like the fleas that they are?
Guest Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 I guess it depends on why exactly you hate them so much....if it is because you feel that you are superior to them then that reason is not good enough...also, are you sure it is not a jealousy issue, because you want him for yourself?? I hate my bf friends but for good reasons. they are all cheaters and liars. I get the impression that birds of a feather flock together at times.....is that maybe the reason???? do you have friends he hates?? maybe you guys could make a trade off...you know, one friend for the other...
Author the_alchemyst Posted March 2, 2006 Author Posted March 2, 2006 Thanks for the replies thus far. Why do I hate them? Well, I actually do think I am better than them (at least the ones I can't stand) because I really am better than them. They are a bunch of drunks, smokers, and party-whores. They do absolutely nothing productive with their lives. Most of them didn't even graduate from high school. And there's a reason why they are all huddled together--all of their parents kicked them out because they truly are a bunch of good-for-nothings. For a good amount of time, one of them couldn't stand me. He said I was taking my bf away from them, which was not true, because back then, I had nothing against them, and I actually encouraged my bf to hang out with them. Of course, we were in our honey moon stage, so he wanted to be with me all of the time. I never forced him to do anything, though. They, however, thought I was some thief and they treated me badly, saying things to me and giving me dirty looks until I got fed up and confronted them. I guess they thought I was just going to take it, so when they saw I didn't, they thought I was a mean bitch. We have never spoken since, and mind you, I don't want to. It's just that I'm tired of always getting angry when my bf goes out with them. As you said, the whole bird flock thing makes me uneasy because since they cannot have a good time without being wasted, well, hello, they are not going to be offering my bf soda, are they? I keep telling myself to just ignore them, but it is so hard. Also, another question: the fact that he goes to "parties" with them for a short while is all right, no? . . . So long as it's every now and then, right? Hmm. Oh, advice, please.
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