lizad Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 Hi there, I have posted a few threads and replies.....married 20 years, had affair for the last two.... went back and forth with it the whole time for various reasons. the OM was always there waiting when I would walk for a few days.....only to come back which obviously became a pattern.... We would go back to taking it easy and light which lasted about a day until we became entrenched in one another....emotionally...... as well as physically.......speaking multiple times a day mostly everyday and e-mails endlessly back and forth all day and night...seeing each other about 2 times a week as we live in the nex state from each other...... my husband to my knowledge had no idea....the OM's spouse prob did for many reasons....... they went back and forth ( so I was told) with him claiming to be leaving, etc. etc. he is still there.....she does not want a divorce and is willing to live the way he claimed they were living and raise their children......( he said they have not been intimate for over two years) anyway, the short of it is, he would get me completely swept up in his "desires" to spend his life with me forever and so forth and I would start to believe this is waht I wanted and that I could leave my family.... well, number one I cant.......I was able for the most part to be able to compartmentalize both sides of my life.....but I cant nor dont want to do that anymore....... I do think I fell in love with the other man but again...no noise, no kids, no money worries and all that....... we actually had a fight the other day, somethink we never do and I think that a lot of things I questioned finally became clear and I realized that he will never leave and the huge risk I am taking to have an affair with him.... I think that fight finally gave me the strength to say ENOUGH..... I have to move on...... before it was b/c I knew it was the right thing to do even know I really didnt want to walk away from him but I finally now see this is what I want to do.... he has been trying to contact me via voicmail and e-mail and I just e-mailed him and said no more........leave me alone and stop contacting me.... I know if i talk to him , it will only bring back the good feelings and at this point, I am still weak to his charms........ I do feel good about this, he might think it;s another one of my "little breaks" so I guess time will just tell..........
cal gal Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 I am proud that you are willing to see this from a different perspective now. It may help you to continue being strong. Put all your energy into making your marriage as good as it can be. Send your hubby those little love notes instead of OM. You will be so much happier when you don't feel torn in two. Looking yourself in the mirror then will be full of pride. Be strong, remember your family and be proud of yourself!
Author lizad Posted March 1, 2006 Author Posted March 1, 2006 thank you cal gal.....very supportive and encouraging words.........
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