will_d Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Hey everyone, It’s been a while since i have posted my own thread on here. However i have been reading other threads and posting some replies, I guess I just need to ask some advice and vent a little. I have been doing really well, found my own strength not to speak to the ex at all since we split, she hasn't tried to contact me at all either, although i knew that she wouldn't anyway... she moved on very quickly with her previous ex when she got with me. A week after I last saw her, my friends saw her with another lad kissing and cuddling him... sounded like one of her friends who had recently moved into the area. I have been avoiding going out on a Saturday to the local night club (where she seemed to go a lot) and have not seen her, which has done me good with the whole NC thing and trying to forget. I still think about her and dream sometimes, but I know this will pass and I am in control and feeling not to bad. I keep myself busy and have actually enjoyed myself when I’ve been out elsewhere at night, chatting to other girls (even though I haven’t found anyone who is remotely what I want or look for, although I am not ready for another relationship it would be nice to talk to a girl who I can see something in). The problem is that my friends all go to this place on a sat and I will have to go at some point as there is literally no other place to go to and I have already missed mates birthdays there. They understand why I avoid it, but I do miss out on a lot by not going, its a place where everyone goes and I used to say hi to all my friends from uni there. I just hate the idea that: 1. Although I am moving on it still hurts, one thing being that she replaced me so easily I suppose, and that I know she is so confident etc she wont be giving me a second thought. 2. That I have to avoid going out with my friends to this place because I don’t want to bump into her, why should I be scared? I am perfectly capable of putting on a brave face, having a laugh and I have a sense of self-worth again... but I know it will cut me to see her out, especially with someone. Is it a case of me needing to get out and to go to this place...if I see her then so be it, and I need to do this to be truly over her and to get used to this? I just don’t know anymore, I just hate knowing that she is stopping me from doing what I want. I am in my last year at uni and I don’t want the memory of it to be me avoiding a night out because of a girl who abused my support, love and trust. I just miss being able to spontaneously go out with my friends and to not make them pamper me by going to a place they don’t really enjoy. I know I am not over her completely... but is this a step I need to take to do that? I have done well and am stronger than ever... I guess part of it is showing her that I am better than the guy she walked over... I have got my pride back after giving it up when I wanted her even after she cheated on me with some other guy. So what do u think? I just don’t want to look back at my uni life and to think that I was hiding away from someone, on the other hand I guess I am just apprehensive of bumping into her and although on the outside I will be fine, what will happen on the inside?
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 If you feel strong enough then by all means I think you should go. Prepare yourself though. I am fortunate enough to have many different places to go where I know she wont be. I would definatly not give her control of your life, go out have fun.
Author will_d Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Hey hurtbeyondwords, how r things with u now? i know that i could deal with it, but i also know it will hurt a lot to. As i said i am definitely not completely over her, but i hate her having that control over me. Its a catch 22 situation that i havent had to deal with before and im really not sure on what to do go out and get hurt a bit or hide away which isnt me?
justhavetoletgo Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 You have to go out! If you go out have a great time with your pals you can put this behind you if you happen to see her there why should you have to do anything? she left you and I bet if she sees you out and having fun it will get to her and then the ball will be back in her court and she won't know what to do. By you not going out only hurts you and your friends by you going out lets you have fun with your friends and can only hurt her
Author will_d Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Yea justhavetoletgo, i think u r right, i havent been out on a sat for the past 4 weeks so that i could handle this whole NC thing and i need to face it/her i guess. It is unlikely to hurt her though is it? I don't know if u read the part where i said that she already has someone now anyway... 2 weeks after she left me.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I am doing much better now, I cant help but keep thinking about that letter she sent me... but this is about you:) I agree with justhavetoletgo. I know you just want to stay home and recover from your loss but going out is best thing you can do. When I go out and realize that I have friends that are good people and meet new people I feel great. My ex can do what she wants, Im moving on with my life because Im important. You should do the same.
Author will_d Posted March 1, 2006 Author Posted March 1, 2006 definitely hurtbeyondwords, try not to let the letter play on your mind, it will pass in a few days, delete it. u seem unbeat which is good, stay that way! i have been going out, just not to this place and have been meeting new people, i guess i think i have been doing so well and i dont want seeing her to spoil it thats all. i'm strong, but afraid i guess.
hurtbeyondwords Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 I am glad to hear that you have been going out. I dont think you can avoid this not being hard no matter how long you wait. It sounds like you will eventually run into her again so if you are ready then bite the bullet and know that there are people here waiting if it doesnt go well. I deleted the email after I read it, it's burned into my memory though. It makes me mad, it's like she took the easy way out by giving me the ball so she no longer feels obligated. We'll see how she feels when she sees that Ive walked away from it. I think she'll be surprised, it's not like me to do something like that.
Author will_d Posted March 3, 2006 Author Posted March 3, 2006 I think u have summed up my thoughts exactly, damned if i do... damned if i don't. Yea, i agree, she has taken the easy way out, it was not fair of her to leave u in this situation when she created it. On the positive side i think that she will be surprised. After the struggle i put myself through to try to keep the relationship, even after my ex cheated, i expect that she thought i would try to contact her more maybe. Well, like u, i hope she is surprised because that means that they didn't really know how strong we are or that we are capable of moving on.
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