blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I hate my ex. I hate that he can call me up in the morning before I go to work and unload his crap on me and totally transfer his frustrations on me. I hate that I let him do this. I hate that he keeps calling me at work and just oozing more of his pissiness into my brain. Dear @ss, I know you hate your exWife. You say it all the time. But it's really frikkin interesting how she makes you all upset all the god damn time and you act like it's perfectly normal, 2+ years out of the marriage, to argue with her like you're still with her. It's interesting how you protect her from me, like I'm going to rip her eyes out or something. It's interesting how I'm not allowed to be pissed that she calls my house to gossip about you when I don't even know this woman. How I'm not allowed to react to what she does to me, but you are allowed to yell at me about guys calling my house when WE'RE NOT EVEN TOGETHER ANYMORE. Or how you compare my ex who I dated for 3 measly months to your exwife who you were with for 10 years. WTF is that s*** about? How is a 3 month relationship even comparable to your exWife that you have a CHILD with? Yeah I am friends with him and he's married, anyways. Your exwife still asks you to come over a "drink beer" with her. I told you to stop calling me at work. I told you to talk to your freaking therapist about all this s***. Call HER at work, that's what you freaking PAY her for. I don't get s*** for being your free f***ing therapist, except aggravation. I'm crazy. Yeah, ok. Believe that and I will take the blame for this failed relationship on my shoulders because it's easier to do that. Blame me, blame me for everything, just leave me alone. Please. I don't care any more. I don't care about being right, or making you understand me, or trying to argue with your delusions. Being with you made me numb. I don't feel anything any more but anger, shame, fear, and nausea. I don't even treat men good any more because of you. I keep them at arm's length and dump them when they get attached to me. Because I don't want anyone to ever trick me into loving them again.
Author blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 I turned my whole world around for you. I left the scottish guy for you. I risked losing my family to be with you because they don't approve of our relationship or your son. I told you what I needed and you couldn't do it. You were so willing to sacrifice my mental health in order to just be right. Then, when I was hurt, you wold apologize and say, well see, I was right...never realizing I relent because I just don't want to listen to you hurting me for teh sake of your rightness any more. Why can't I be with men who will let go of me when I ask? They fight me, to hjold on to me, even knowing that their hold on me makes me resent them and try to get away even more desperately. Now I have so many ex's who haven't dated anyone since me, who still call me, write me letters, all these insisent, nagging, begging voices pulling at me from all corners.
Mz. Pixie Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Awwwwww, Bot, I'm sorry you're having a hard time........... I didn't know you left the scot for him. I thought the scot was the one........
933KJL Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Go ahead and rant girl! It makes a person feel gud! No sage advice here, so rant on!
Author blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 I am supposed to bow down to your cock, right? Like since we have amazing sex, I am supposed to forgive everything else that you do. Yeah, you ARE great in bed. But ya know what? SO AM I. As I recall YOU were the one with weak, shaking knees all the time when we first got together. You loved it. You loved chasing me because when we got together I was still numb from dealing with the scottish guy, so I was emotionally unavailable. I told you nothing this intense could last. That if we can make each other feel that high, that we must come down equally as hard.
basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 ONCE AGAIN---PARELLE LIVES... f*** girl r we the same friggin personl. Damn.. I was a friend to my Xh. I was with him for 11 1/2 yrs and share a son with him. We met when we were 18 right out of hgh school. We lost one child and then had our son who is now 16. My XH (Deon) is/was/always will be self centered, controlling, manipulative, abusive in all ways, possessive, charming, sweet, frickin damn good looking and a hot commodity Funny thing is no woman will stay with him because he is a fricken selfish asshule. He has no morals or values. He is addicted to porn and masterbation. He is nasty in hygeine and always puts his woman second to everything. Because we grew up together in our adult lives and we know each other better then anyone else does we felt a bond and chose to be friends even after the divorce. He would call me for advice and a shoulder to cry on when things werent working out for him. I never heard from any of the woman he dated until the last one.(Julie) She and I are now very close friends and he is OUT of the picture. She called me upset and wanting answers about him. I didn't give her any because it wasn't my place to sabotoge their relationship so I let her share with me what she was living through. As she shared with me weekly on the phone from Tennessee to Minnesota I couldn't help but feel for her. I never told her my history with Deon but I did acknowledge to her that what she was living through I did also. She would say stuff back to me and so I in turn took her words and said them back to her. She at first rebelled and would get defensive. Everyone of her responses were just what I did when I was talking to my friends when I was involved with him. Well that was the start of our friendship. She was on and off with him for 3 yrs. When I moved to the metro Deon moved back to Minnesota shortly after. Then a a few months later she moved up here as well and thats when I got pulled into all their drama. I didn't get my nose in it all I did was listen to them. He would call me and complain, then she would call and complain, back and forth back and forth. Finally it got to the point where it got so bad I shut them both out and they wouldn't leave me alone. I told them both to leave me out of their shyt. I told Julie that I can't stand by anymore and watch and listen to her get abused. I told her that I had never told her what to do but that I am gong to tell her this one time and thats it. I told her to get the f*** out before one of them killed the other. She didn't talk to me for awhile and then she told me that she is leaving him and she did. She moved for 7 months and it was hell because he was calling me all the time. I told him to leave me alone and he would start crying. I told him it was his own fault and that I was the wrong person for him to try talk too. He said that is why he wanted to talk to me because I knew him so well. I told him I couldn't listen to him objectively because I have a past with him and I am reliving it by hearing about him and Julie. Then Julie moved back to Minnesota and she moved in with Deons friend (Curt) and that turned the situation from bad to worse. She shacked up with Deons friend and then the hell really started. It got so bad that he was threatening Julie, Curt and I and even through shyt at his own son. Julie and I had to take him to court and get restraining orders against him; which, the judge refused to sign because the judge wanted Orders of Protection instead. Restraining order wasn't enough. So we went to court and won. He stopped harrassing us so much but he still trys to contact and the police have been called several times. The OP was put into place because Deon assulted me last Feb and tried to throw me down a flight of stairs because I was visiting with Julie at their apartment and he wanted me to leave and she didn't. Then he assulted her also. In front of witnesses. I have learned to cut him off from me. I tried to be his friend because I sympathasized with him a little bit because Julie is not innocent in taunting him and I also feel for her because I know what she endured on a common ground but Never Never will I allow someone to pull me in as far as those two did. All the emotions and all the anger you are feeling I felt. I was angry, hurt, upset, sickened, hostile, and felt out of control because he entered my life and brough so much drama shyt into it. He would call me 24/7 whenever he felt like it. he would call me at work, at my bfs, all hours of the night on my cell phone and on my house phone. he would come over to my home and wake me up tossing rocks and pinecones at my windows to get me to listen to him. I am learning to take back my power I gave him. By responding to him I gave him power over me. By allowing myself to be forgiving, understanding and compassionate I set myself up for him to use me, manipulate me and abuse me even after we were divorced and not a couple anymore. No CONTACT is healthy in this kind of situation and I had to get a Order of Protection to get that. I failed to stand strong on my own and got myself into trouble then it had to escalate to the law.. If Iwould have only known better. I think you need to cut him out as well. If you try to cut him totally off he may become more possessive and interfer in your life more drastic but a fire cant burn forever. It eventually has to burn out.
Becoming Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Woo hoo! You go, Otter. Get it all out. My H used to do this crap to me, justifying himself at the expense of my emotions. It was all so subtle I didn't see it for the longest time, but when I did, I told him this behavior had to stop or we did. He stopped. Oh sure, old habits come back from time to time, but I stand my ground, and IT HAS WORKED because he loves me more than he loves being right. You can find this kind of love, but it means you have to expect it and believe you deserve it. You, girlfriend, are starting to believe you are worth good treatment. Good for you! Just wanted to commend you for what I see as a very healing thing you're doing.
Author blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 I am learning to take back my power I gave him. By responding to him I gave him power over me. By allowing myself to be forgiving, understanding and compassionate I set myself up for him to use me, manipulate me and abuse me even after we were divorced and not a couple anymore. No CONTACT is healthy in this kind of situation and I had to get a Order of Protection to get that. I failed to stand strong on my own and got myself into trouble then it had to escalate to the law.. If Iwould have only known better. I think you need to cut him out as well. If you try to cut him totally off he may become more possessive and interfer in your life more drastic but a fire cant burn forever. It eventually has to burn out. Word, pada. I especially resonated with this part. I do this back and forth thing. Trying to prove to him that I am the bigger person, that I won't stoop to his level, and he just picks at me until I explode. Thing is, my exH was doing the same damn thing. I feel somehow obligated to listen to all their crapola. To be "there" for them in some capacity, because I guess I feel bad that they don't have that. Or whatever. I don't even know. My hair is all frizzy today because my MIND is all frizzy. I talked to him on and off my entire lunch break and we just fought like cats and dogs until we both agreed to not talk to each other for a while and see if we feel better. Obviously replace the "we" with "I" -- I felt like I was arguing with a teenager.
Author blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Woo hoo! You go, Otter. Get it all out. My H used to do this crap to me, justifying himself at the expense of my emotions. It was all so subtle I didn't see it for the longest time, but when I did, I told him this behavior had to stop or we did. He stopped. Oh sure, old habits come back from time to time, but I stand my ground, and IT HAS WORKED because he loves me more than he loves being right. You can find this kind of love, but it means you have to expect it and believe you deserve it. You, girlfriend, are starting to believe you are worth good treatment. Good for you! Just wanted to commend you for what I see as a very healing thing you're doing. Thanks, B. That means a helluva lot coming from you. At least I took the rabid dog down off my avatar.
basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Word, pada. I especially resonated with this part. I do this back and forth thing. Trying to prove to him that I am the bigger person, that I won't stoop to his level, and he just picks at me until I explode. Thing is, my exH was doing the same damn thing. I feel somehow obligated to listen to all their crapola. To be "there" for them in some capacity, because I guess I feel bad that they don't have that. Or whatever. I don't even know. My hair is all frizzy today because my MIND is all frizzy. I talked to him on and off my entire lunch break and we just fought like cats and dogs until we both agreed to not talk to each other for a while and see if we feel better. Obviously replace the "we" with "I" -- I felt like I was arguing with a teenager. You are addicted to the drama of it. It is a power play.. It is hard to not bite it when it is dangling in front of us. Our pride and egos are being hit and we are so hurt, damaged and ready to fight for ourselves for once in our lives that we continue the game in a different way. I too have a hard time biting my lip when I am being taunted... I can be such a royal royal bitch but then I have this big, sensitive, open, vulnerable heart that gets taken over and over. Damn it sucks to be a woman!!!
Becoming Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I am learning to take back my power I gave him. By responding to him I gave him power over me. By allowing myself to be forgiving, understanding and compassionate I set myself up for him to use me, manipulate me and abuse me even after we were divorced and not a couple anymore. No CONTACT is healthy in this kind of situation and I had to get a Order of Protection to get that. I failed to stand strong on my own and got myself into trouble then it had to escalate to the law.. If Iwould have only known better. I think you need to cut him out as well. If you try to cut him totally off he may become more possessive and interfer in your life more drastic but a fire cant burn forever. It eventually has to burn out. This is simply great, Pada. Especially that bolded thing. These folks seem to prey on our compassionate vulnerability, which is just plain evil. Cut and burn, baby burn!
Author blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 I wish I didn't have such a massive sexual appetite. I think with my crotch, it gets me into trouble. I end up in these relationships where I'm going through the motions (literally, haha) because I have great sex but the rest of it sucks. Then they make up for it however, used to be with drugs, this guy bought me stuff and took me out and whatnot. He was super ultra FINE, too. And I don't feel comfortable having a f*** buddy (anymore) or one night stands (anymore). I feel too good about myself to subject myself to that.
basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 B_O sexual appitite is my vice also.. I fight the urge then when I get a man in my life watch out... Controlling onesselve is very hard..
serial muse Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Wow, pada, that's a hell of a story. Your words really resonated with me, too, though I've never had a physically violent relationship. But I have been in emotionally abusive, draining relationships, and I understand that overwhelming impulse to want to be the healer, to reveal all my weaknesses so that he could feel strong, to not be able to resist fighting back but still want to "be there" whenever he needs me, all too well. And you're right, I fed off the drama. B-O, time to stop gallantly riding to the rescue, sounds like. The sword's getting heavy, isn't it?
Author blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 He leaves these messages on the machine, in his low-pitched southern accent that I love so much. Telling me he loves me, that we can work things out....I dunno though, today was so icky, and he was working with his Dad, so maybe his Dad will advise him to leave it alone. He told me that he gave up today. I felt a mixture of relief and sadness.
basscatcher Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 He leaves these messages on the machine, in his low-pitched southern accent that I love so much. Telling me he loves me, that we can work things out....I dunno though, today was so icky, and he was working with his Dad, so maybe his Dad will advise him to leave it alone. He told me that he gave up today. I felt a mixture of relief and sadness. It's manipulation... Stop listening to them... You are still giving you power over to him.. He sounds like Michael!! He wants the triangle.. If the woman he is with is making him feel uneasy he reaches out to the one on the side and manipulates her to feel dominate, like a man, wanted and needed. When he doesn't get what he wants he will attack.. He will say he is done but then days, weeks or even months later he will come back with heart felt words and emotions. He is a manipulator and when you start to admit and see it you will stop it before it gets to the next paragraph. Shut it off. Delete the messages without listening to them.. Unless you have a child you share with him and its reguarding the wellbeing of the child you don't need to listen to him, be his Mother Theresa, or princess.. He is using you to feed his need to be needed and wanted.. Even SEX>>
Becoming Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Sex is a powerful drug, but it really can be like a drug--hence SA. And to those who didn't get love as children, it is one of the most powerful. We NEEEEEEED it, our Little Ones cry. No we don't. We're just a wantin' it! With self-control in this arena, though, comes an incredible amount of power, which is what celibacy is about to those in the church who do that sort of thing, which . . . ?????????? Nonetheless, there's something even us non-celibates could learn there.
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