Shana555 Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I have been with my bf 4 years. We get along great and he treats me wonderful. But this past month me made a promise to do something for me, but never did it even with my reminders. He has been busy with his own projects so I guess it wasn’t on the top of his mind. I decided whatever, I am really happy with him so I’ll just let it go. But last Wednesday I made the mistake of getting pretty drunk when I was over his house and was so hyper I kept him up while I was making a fool of myself. The next morning I asked if he was mad and he said no he was used to it, gave me a kiss, then headed off to work. I know he wasn’t happy with me. He never called all day. I kept thinking all day that it was me that should be angry with him. Guess I was having that normal awful and depressed feeling that alcohol loves to give. That night, I woke up after a bad dream and couldn’t stop thinking about this broken promise. I was tossing and turning getting more and more angry about it. I needed to talk to him, but since it was so late I just sent a text to ease my mind and went back to sleep. I know sending an angry text instead of waiting to talk was a mistake. My text said:: I’m hurt. You always do so much for yourself and others but lil me still waiting around for your promise.. Since you obviously have so much time and money, how about for my birthday this month we take that trip I’ve really wanted. I’m just trying to make a point. Really it’s the thought that counts. Thanks for showing me where I stand. Bye Anyway, he hasn’t said a word to me since I sent that text. I haven’t tried getting a hold of him in any way since I sent that because I think it’s his move to make a response. I talked to a RL friend about this and he thinks that sending a nasty message like that out of the blue probably has him running to get as far away as possible. Rethinking the whole situation I feel now like I acted selfish, when I was mad at him for just that. I was thinking him ignoring me was just him letting me cool down until we talked, but now I’m really starting to worry. I don't want something like this to push him away forever. On one hand I want to send him a message and apologize for being so bratty. Then on the other I think it was so mean of him to put off what he promised and that I deserve some kind of response from him, so I should wait for that. What do you think?
bluechocolate Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 If I had received that message I would think that I'd been dumped - and by text no less! I wouldn't respond either.
Author Shana555 Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 I don’t think he would have taken that as a breakup. He knows how I can get. Ok, being totally honest about my biggest fault. He has told me before that I do act stubborn sometimes that I get an idea in my head and that I get way too upset if it doesn’t work out. Am I acting like the bratty kid I once was?! I have learned to let things go, but he knew how much this meant to me so that’s why I got angry. I don’t want him to think he can always just say stuff to make me happy and not really mean it or have to go through with it because I’ll just shrug it off. I think that’s wrong! But if you guys think I was out of line and that I need to apologize please tell me. I just wanted him to know I was serious about this, not that I want to break up! Gosh I hate this no contact stuff. A couple years away from 30, seems like we should both know how to be adult and communicate in a relationship by now. Especially after 4 years together. It’s so hard to know what's the right way to handle some things.
Outcast Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 There are tons of books and websites about communicating with your SO. You can see a counsellor. I think the way you handled it was all wrong. A lot of people will fail to do something they even wanted to do when they feel as though they're being pushed to do it. He has told me before that I do act stubborn sometimes that I get an idea in my head and that I get way too upset if it doesn’t work out. I lived with someone like that. I don't anymore. It was no fun at all. I'd never ever want to have to deal with a person like that again. Nor would you if you were on the other side of this. So, yes, you are being bratty. Time to grow up and accept that 'you can't always get what you want'.
bluechocolate Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 It’s so hard to know what's the right way to handle some things. For a start the right way NOT to handle these things is to fire off angry text messages (but you already know that). A text message is not the right medium to express these kinds of feelings. Don't send him another text message. Pick up the phone & talk to him, apologise for your angry & petulant outburst via text but don't diminish your feelings on the real issue. Then on the other I think it was so mean of him to put off what he promised and that I deserve some kind of response from him, so I should wait for that. Why not just ask for an explanation in a calm & non-confrontational manner?
Author Shana555 Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 Incase anyone was wondering what he did, well he blow off valentines day. When he saw that I made him a card and had a little gift bag of goodies he wouldn’t open it and said he wanted to wait until the next day so he could get me something. Well, my valentine to him is still sitting in my car since he still never did a thing. I even told him I didn’t care if he got me anything or not, that I just wanted him to read my card, but nope he wanted to wait Almost 2 weeks of him making excuses of putting it off and refusing to even open the card I put my heart in to which I tried giving to him 3 times. He can SAY he loves me till his face turns blue but actions speak louder then words and the message he sends by ignoring me like that was pretty loud. That’s just the way I felt. So I called him around 11 after I read the previous posts.. Apologized for my message and how wrong I was. Explained why I was upset, but how it handled it in the worst way. Brought up a nice thing he did last week that I never had the chance to thank him for since we haven’t been talking. Said I loved him and to call me later. It’s now like 7 hours later and no response. It’s all up to him now because I’m just going to back away and let him decide what he wants to do. I seriously feel sick worrying about this. I wish I knew what he might be thinking.
bluechocolate Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Congratulations Shana, you did the right thing. Now unfortunately you have to play the dreaded waiting game. Good luck.
Author Shana555 Posted February 28, 2006 Author Posted February 28, 2006 I forgot to say (and it wouldn't let me edit) that I said all those things in a voicemail since he didn’t answer. I would have love to have been able to say them directly to him, but at least he can listen to my voice and words Thanks for the luck.. I need it!
Author Shana555 Posted March 1, 2006 Author Posted March 1, 2006 Well he texted me! This was our convo: Him: Hey you called Me: Yes, did you get my message Him: Got it a little while ago. Just got home from work. Me: I’m glad you got it, how are things? --no response— Me: I’d really like to see you -- its now 2 hours later and no response— I’m guessing he fell asleep. He’s the kind of person that can lay his head on the pillow and pass right out. Especially after working from 5am and getting home at 8pm. At least I hope that’s what happened and he’s not playing some game. I’m so happy he wrote to me, but I really was hoping for some feedback from what I said. The reason I said that I want to see him was because because I think the only way to really figure things out is to talk face to face. Also inside I'm missing him so I really want to purchase one of those books that explain how to understand things and communicate with your SO. Any recommendations? I feel like I’m handling this all wrong again. I hope me saying that I wanted to see him was not too pushy or soon. I just want to work things out so badly.
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 After being together for 4 years and this is how he treats you? And also (without meaning to sound harsh) couples DO fight and get pissy with eachother, SO WHAT? A fight, a bitchy moment or two OR making a fool of yourself shouldn't be the 'end' of a relationship after 4 years. It doesn't seem like a secure relationship if both of you are not being 100% completely forward and honest with eachother. What I mean by that is, no waiting games, no ego's, no bulls***. If you have a problem talk it out. Each of you listen to what the other person has to say, and don't throw fits, ignore eachother and play games. That's stupid and you're too old (so is he) for that. Don't assume it's over quite yet. He is being an a**h*** by ignoring you. Doesn't he have the balls to call you back on the phone? Again, the 4 year thing...And who cares if you're pushy or too forward. You're his girlfriend! That DOES give you the right to call him and sort this out. You two need to learn how to communicate with eachother and listen too. Let go of the little petty things which really don't matter. Also, if you change when you're drinking, and it affects who you are, then stop drinking. I hope it works out for you two. Keep posting and good luck.
Mary3 Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 Did the thought ever occur to you that your drunken night was about *it* for him and he had no intention of getting you anything for Valentines Day because he is upset with you and now rightly so he is not talking to you ? Sorry if that sounds mean but so far this isn't looking too good. That could change * depending * on how much he feels for you, if anything now....
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