flutterbuggr Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 If you spouse did cheat, promised to never do it again, has your marriage worked? Please tell me someone has found something goood from an affair and you have gown closer to one another and are better than before because of it. Is it possible? Or is the marriage doomed forever?
Chump64 Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I have read about a lot of success stories, but probably just as many failures. From what I know, one huge factor is this: Was your marriage a good one before things went south / before the affair? If there were good years, esp. early on, there is a fair amount of hope. If the affair is just the icing on a pile of crap marriage, the outlooks is not so good. There are a lot of couples who stay together and are actually stronger and closer than ever before. With a ton of luck and hard work, my husband and I will be in that situation some day.
michelangelo Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Not because of it. The huge emotional pain, the potential exposure to disease, the phenomenal waste of time and energy that are all a part of an affair, the loss of trust , the loss of innocence and shared iintimacy; all of that makes it impossible that an affair is what improves a marriage. If a couple survives this assault on their marriage, it is equivalent to surviving a murder attempt. You may go n to savor life afterwards, but you'd never wish for further assaults on your person so you can enjoy "better" living afterwards.
tweldy Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 That's a great metaphor - an affair as a murder weapon to a marriage. flutterbuggr I think that if you change your question slightly you may have a better perspective on the situation. Nothing 'good' comes out of the affair itself. The 'good' comes from the awesome task of forgiving your spouse and working together to bridge the rift that results from the affair. This is like any other obstacle in life, though perhaps a lot more substantial than most. Its not about the obstacle, its what you can gain from overcoming it.
AJS Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Success story here! I had an A and although it took months, my 16 yr M is stronger and better than it ever was! I would never dream of cheating again, next time if things go wrong, and H won't listen to me (that was the problem before) I'm walking and that's it. He learned from his mistakes too, so I doubt this will ever be a problem for us again. We are closer now than we have been in our entire M.
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