Guest32 Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 (Please dont take this as an insult) but as a MW, what do I have to do to keep you women away from my husband? Now, I know no one in the forum is actually sleeping with my husband, so this is not an angry question focused at any one induvidual nor is this an attack. Yes, I have an OW after my husband, even after he told her to leave hi alone. So what do I do? She wont stop calling him. As the OW, maybe this is a chance to redeem yourself and look at this as a sister in pain, than a wife in need.
Barby Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Apart from kicking her a*s:confused: I would say...........try talking to her woman to woman........let her know she's making herself into a spectical. Whatever you do make sure that you don't get hysterical or by any means let her know that you're hurting or feeling threatened. Let her see that you're unfazed and not going anywhere (as in leaving your husband)....be strong, cool, and confident. If your husband is serious about not wanting her around hopefully she'll get the point. If she doesn't back off.......a restraining order maybe?!?
mopar crazy Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I'm not the OW but a BW myself. The exOW wouldn't stop calling or coming over even though H told her it was over, he was working on his M. We were seperated at the time. She called the house one night and I was soooooo pi$$ed I was shaking. She called to talk about a co-workers accident. I called her back and told her to stop calling my H or there would be he!! to pay (which meant a restrainer order but she thought I meant I was going to kick her a$$, she told me she wasn't scared of me, I told her the same) Anyhow, she never called again. I guess she didn't think H was serious about her not calling. And if he never told her to stop calling he would of surely would of told her not to call that night b/c I was going to be there. Sorry your dealing w/ this. I hope she leaves you both alone soon.
AJS Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 So your H has told her to leave him alone and she still won't? She is either desperate or they have already had an A. Your H needs to be VERY RUDE and hateful to her, that should do it if this woman has any dignity. If not, then you need to handle it. If it was me, I would have already talked to her myself. What does your H have to say about letting you handle it? If he doesn't want you to, then I would be looking into the fact that they have had an A already.
Chump64 Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Your H needs to tell her to get lost, if he's willing. If he's not, dump him. If he is and she persists, get a restraining order. They are fairly easy to secure.
CeeJayXXX Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Guest, Barby nailed it. I am the OW...... I think you being "polite yet firm" without losing all control and letting her know she is getting to you, will make a loud and clear point. I think OW's need to understand when to let go.... I think the best way to do it is you not only talk to her but have H there to start the conversation and let you end it....then she will know that she isn't playing the two of you against each other. Unfortunately a restraining order may be necessary....but what a pain in the butt for you to have to deal with. You could try blocking her number (as she calls from different locations, block them all...get a head start with her home phone).... I wish you luck....
Art_Critic Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 It starts and ends with your husband.. if he invites them them will come..
Curmudgeon Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Absolutely correct! It's not up to you, Guest. It's up to your husband. You shouldn't, nor should you have to, do a thing. If he cares enough about you, he'll figure out a way to keep her out of your lives.
whichwayisup Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 Is the OW married or seeing someone? If so, tell her spouse ASAP. If not, find out who her family is, threaten her that if she calls again YOU and YOUR HUSBAND will personally go together to talk to her husband, folks, sister, whoever. And then you'll see how far she'll back off and leave you two alone. Whatever you do, both you and your husband have to let her see the strong union between you two. No matter what. And if all else fails, definately look into a restraining order. But hopefully she'll stop, and show some dignity and self respect.
Blind Illusion Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I know it's a nuisance and you probably feel like why should you HAvE to, but I think I would possibly look into changing my phone number/blocking hers on the cell. No one can react to what is not happening and that's what she possibly wants at this point.
Adunaphel Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 (Please dont take this as an insult) but as a MW, what do I have to do to keep you women away from my husband? Now, I know no one in the forum is actually sleeping with my husband, so this is not an angry question focused at any one induvidual nor is this an attack. Yes, I have an OW after my husband, even after he told her to leave hi alone. So what do I do? She wont stop calling him. Did your H and the OW you are talking about actually had an affair? If so, how long did it last? Or is she just a woman trying desperately to seduce your H? Was it a one night thing, or did it last a certain amount of time? Do you know who pursued the other? Was it the OW who seduced your H, or was your H the one who started the affair? Do you know whether he lied to her, told her she loved her at any point during their affair, promised her anything? Are you 100% sure your H does not wish to see her again? She does not like she is disturbed or in any way dangerous, does she? I would talk to the OW (if she would speak to you) and ask her why exactly she is after your H this way. If both you and your H had a talk with her might help, too. This way perhaps - she'll see you two as a strong couple, pehaps she might understand she has no chances. - if there is anything your H didn't tell you, you'll find it out.
catgirl1927 Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 I agree with everyone who said this is up to your husband. If he made it clear to her that he didn't want her calling any more, she would stop. He can tell you all day that he's asked her to stop. You shouldn't even SPEAK to her, this really is not about her. It's about your husband not screwing around. I would hold him responsible, and if she keeps calling assume there is still an affair going on.
OzGirl Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 My guess is she's contacting him because something's unresolved according to her. Chances are that is as much true as it is not. If your husband was serious about eliminating her from your marrital picture, he should take her phone call, sort out whatever the problem is, and agree to leave it at that. He should do this with you present - it makes a statement to both you and the OW if you are beside him whilst he speaks on the phone, for example. Do you know for sure that when you're not around, he's not talking to the OW still? I have seen this myself - he says he hates the W, then the W suspects he's talking to me, so he stops talking to me all together, so I try and contact him wondering what's going on because there was no "pre-plan" to not talk for a while. I'm not an OW anymore (long gone now thank God for that), but I have been here and not realised this is how it seemed to the W until I gained an appreciation of the W's perspective generally (via LS forums). What he tells you is not always what he tells her - he could be lying to you both, hence, you think she's unfoundedly being obsessive, she could be just trying to work out where she stands. Any man who's lied once, and repaired his marriage, is still a man with a recipe for lying and not losing his security and wife (they often go hand in hand, I guess). Tell your husband HE invited her into your life without your permission, HE should exercise the exit strategy because he STILL doesn't have your permission for her to be in your life. Just my opinion. Do with it what you will
Guest32 Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 I have told my H that if I find 1 more call, email...He is out! No, he will not call her in front of me, but rather to ignore her completly. No, I dont know if he is not still in contact. I am not with him everyday, every second. All I can do is rely on what the phone and he says. I am not going to be a psycho detective either, not worth it. I told him I took a long look at myself and realized I dont need him, I want him. I will surrive without him, and told him he was free to leave. But, he stayed. I mean every word I say when I am gone if I find out they are doing anything, even talking. He knows I am dead serious. I explained how he would have to move out, find a place, take the kids on the weekends (oops..no play time?) and pay child support. I also made him realize the possibility that I would probably move on and start dating (reminded him that hello, I am really attractive!) very easily becuase what I want in life is a marriage and family. I do love my H, but I refuse to compete with any other woman for him. With all this, I wonder how many OW have delt with their MM W willing to leave, but the H wants to stay. Does he still contact you, even when the law was layed down like it never has before?
OzGirl Posted March 3, 2006 Posted March 3, 2006 My MM has constantly tried to maintain contact with me and it's purely to keep one foot in my door - in case his W leaves, which for him, seems to be possible, pending his W's ultimate feelings about being with him and being suspicious of him - I would imagine you would get fed up with it after a while (because the feelings of suspicion indicate he's not doing enough to prove it's unwarranted I guess). I have ceased contact with him because he's lied to me too many times. It's not relevent to his W's status in his life - it's just how he treated me directly. If she left him and he contacted me, I would tell him I'm NOT interested.... 1) because he's a liar and first time I forgave him, second time is purely offensive, 2) because I don't want to be with someone by "default". If he wanted to be with me he would have left the W for me, and c) I don't see the flame ever being re-ignited anyway. I look back at the entire time I knew him and he lacks a spine in many areas, not just personal relationships. The W taking him back is often doing the OW a favour. Whilst the W has to live with him each day, the OW gets to observe what she chooses to, and often realises with more ease and less complication what the W ends up realising anyway. The logistics of letting him go are easier for the OW, but the OW doesn't have the option of trying to work it out anyway. There are people who cheat, and there are people who don't. It says a lot about the people who do: what they think of themselves. If they are unable to believe they've got the tenacity for a monogomous relationship and so don't bother trying, then I'm sure their opinion of themselves is lower post-revelation to their spouse. For those reasons, they're not much good to anyone until they believe they can, and exercise absolute commitment to monogomy. It starts with them, and whilst a spouse is in their face or putting pressure on them, I don't believe it leaves them a lot of headroom to work on themselves unless both parties are particularly forgiving and willing. It's a vulnerable place to be - instantly forgiving and willing. Too much hassle - for many OW, I would say they just want to start again with someone free and single. Move on and not set yourself up to be hurt like that again.
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