SOnLOVE Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Heya everyone Well let me just start by saying I am so glad that I found this site! I have been kinda feeling all alone. I am the OW I met my MM around 5 months ago and when we first met it was going to be just as friends but boy oh boy the first time we looked at each other it was over!! He has been with the same woman for 17 years marrried for 10 and hasnt been happy for like the past 3 or 4 years.. Now I have found myself so head over heals in love with a man that belongs to someone else.. He tells me that he is so in love with me we talk everyday all day almost except for at night when he is home with his wife.. We see each at least once a week and we would see alot more of each other but we live 6 hours apart He tells me he wants to be with me and that he is working on doing just that He says he doesnt want to hurt his wife and that is the only reason he hasnt left yet he says it has to be the right time He told her that he wasnt in love with her anymore and they have been seeing a counselor she has no idea about me. He tells me just to be patient with him and we will be together really soon. I want to make sure he is doing this for the right reasons.. I tell him maybe we should take a little break just so he can give it every opportunity to make sure he doesnt still love his wife I dont want him to leave her for me I want him to leave because it is what he wants to do. Everytime I mention to him that maybe we shouldnt talk for a while he gets really upset and tells me he needs me and that he cant do this without me. I truely believe that he loves me and that we will be together I just cant decide If I am doing the right thing by still talking to him through this. I want him to be with me and I dont want to become too needy but sometimes it is hard when he is sitting there telling me he wants to be with an I am all he thinks about and just give him time to make sure she is going to be alright! I have never known love like this. I am at a loss on what to do! Do I hold his hand an be there for him do I walk away for a little while? Any advice you guys can give me would be great.
lizad Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 are you married??? sounds pretty familiar however I am married.......the thing is when we started the "innocent" flirtation he even said that he was not looking for a big love affair..... he got caught many years ago having a fling and she has never gotten over it......I think he has been a very lonely man......they have three children and you know how men are.....they need a lot of attention....... anyway, the short of it, is that we started up an A that has grown into a major love affair....i have been able to compartmentalize it and have a life at home as well.........the only thing is I think about this man every second of the day regardless of what good I have at home..... for whatever reason his relationship with his W has deteriorated since we began this affair ironically. I also became his best friend which is hard at times b/c I find myself giving him advice on his marriage when realistically I really cant be objective as much as I try. he gets very caught up with telling me how he wants a future with me and to grow old with me.......although he remains at home....... I get caught up in him and half the time think that is what I want and the other half says..whoa, this is crazy, I dont want to give up my family.... I think most men want to leave but its a big thing, especially with children and having an OW makes it ok for them to stay where they are...........not so much b/c they want their cake and eat it to but b/c its the easiest thing to NOT make a move.......... of course the MM doesn't want you to leave.........I have tried multiple times and he has never walked away from me......... i obviously have been unsuccessful b/c we are still somewhat together..... right now we are at the stage again where he is professing his undying love for me and promises to leave his wife to be with me........even know he isnt quite sure I will be there for him........ if you are not married......you deserve someone all to yourself and if this man can't make that happen, then you are best off walking away and finding someone who is available........ they all say the same lines........the kids, not the right time, cant hurt his family, etc etc...... I know most OW want to believe that their situation will be different, unfort. it rarely is...........stay strong......
MrsHellFire Posted February 28, 2006 Posted February 28, 2006 "He told her that he wasnt in love with her anymore and they have been seeing a counselor she has no idea about me. He tells me just to be patient with him and we will be together really soon. " They are obviously seeing a counselor to try to work out their problems and salvage the marriage. If anything this is giving the wife false hope that he wants to endure the marriage. You have to come to the point that he might never leave, he might even just use you for some fun. "for whatever reason his relationship with his W has deteriorated since we began this affair ironically." Gee, I wonder why!??! It's not ironic! She doesn't have to know for things to mess up, when there is an affair. I'm sure he's treating her different than usual.
scarletletter Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 Five months is not a very long time to decide your entire future upon. I would give it some time and if he wants you badly enough...he will respect and understand your reasons. Five months is not nearly long enough to know someone's bad habits or how you would interact in the real world together. I would keep it low key until he decides what he is going to do.
lolax Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 Hello i have been involved with my mm for 6 months and believe me i know exactly how you feel !!! although he makes you feel good....does the good weigh out the bad? THIS IS NOW AN AFFAIR OF THE HEART !! and believe it doesnt get any easier sorry i cant advise you, dont know what to do myself, know i should end it, but cant, too in love or lust , such a fine line between the 2 of them !!! although affairs are wrong they will continue to go on until the end of time, its just a way of the world...hey lifes a bitch then you either marry one or die ! good luck x
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