Guest Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Last week my H OW called him and left a short message on phone, told him to call her. H told me about it, and said he would not call her back, he wants no contact, work on maour marriage. I told him that if he didnt call her back (and hoped he would do it in froont of me) she would pobably get a hold of him other means (email) to talk to him. He said no, it is understood that if he doesnt call back, then she will stop calling. I think he will call her back behind my back. He is positive he wont. The wierd thing is is he told me about it, even saved the message. What is the expeience of the OW here? Would your MM do that? Do you think he will call her, maybe eventually? Do you think she will stop at just 1 phone call, (its been 3 months since NC started) and get the hint?
Flutterrheart Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 Last week my H OW called him and left a short message on phone, told him to call her. H told me about it, and said he would not call her back, he wants no contact, work on marriage. I think that he told you she called means something, am I wrong? I told him that if he didnt call her back (and hoped he would do it in froont of me) she would pobably get a hold of him other means (email) to talk to him. He said no, it is understood that if he doesnt call back, then she will stop calling. I think he will call her back behind my back. I can see your point. He is positive he wont. The wierd thing is is he told me about it, even saved the message. What is the expeience of the OW here? Would your MM do that? Do you think he will call her, maybe eventually? Not if he is commited on woking on the marriage. Do you think she will stop at just 1 phone call, (its been 3 months since NC started) and get the hint? I am sure she will try to call again, yes, maybe even move onto email.
whichwayisup Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 I think you should call her and tell her never to call your husband again. Is she married too? Or does she have a boyfriend? If you can find that out, there is your trump card. You tell her that if she contacts your husband again, you WILL be contacting her spouse. That could be enough to scare her away if she has alot to lose in her life. I hope you and your husband are going to marriage counselling, this is an issue to definately bring up with the therapist. It's good he told you about the phone call too. Try not to think that he'll call her back when you're not around. Yeah, easier said than done as I'm sure the trust isn't what it used to be...Just keep telling him that you won't put up with it and he better not even be thinking of calling her behind your back! He has alot to lose, so hopefully you're his number one priority right now, not her.
Chump64 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 I'm not an OW (I'm a BS), but IMO, he is doing exactly what he is supposed to be doing if he is trying to regain your trust. He is (1) not talking to her, and (2) he is letting you know when she calls / sharing the message with you. It is not at all "weird" that he shared that information with you, if you are trying to reconcile. He took that step to try and show you he is being honest. Now if you find out that he calls behind your back, that's a different story. Still, if what you need is for him to call her back in front of you and tell her he's not interested in further contact, he should do that.
castle26 Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 There's really no way to know if he's being honest. MM will say and do anything to avoid conflict, sometimes with the OW, sometimes with the W. Who knows if you've been asking him a lot of ? about the details and he's just trying to throw you off track by saying she called? There's never any way to know what's really on his mind. Once the vows are broken, there can be no trust ever again imo.
Blind Illusion Posted February 27, 2006 Posted February 27, 2006 I am thinking that if your husband had any notions of calling this woman back,(without you knowing) he would not have even brought up the call in the first place. That would be kind of foolish of him, no? Since you asked hypothetically what OW might do, I would have to say that I doubt I would call again. Perhaps, I would email one last time, particularly if I wasn't so sure what was happening. (although not 3 months after the fact) Then, that would be it. I think that I would tell him, (if I was you) that I was pleased that he shared this information with me & would appreciate him to continue doing so. Just take it from there, I guess. PS: Just a thought...but would your husband be more inclined to reply to her in an email telling her not to contact him further. Perhaps that could be some type of compromise he could do for you in lieu of a phone call back in front of you? The thing is , though, that she could reply to that just as easily and maybe it is far better to let sleeping dogs lie.
AZKHO Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 MM's are the best damn liars in the world. They can persuade us and their wives to beleive whatever they want. I mean look at the lifestyle that we all live as OW. Miserable, secrative, almost shameful, not to mention sinful. And to answer your question, yes i think that he will call her. He broke the trust in the relationship, not to be trusted again. And my exMM, still calls me, and i save the messages sometimes, and think about playing them to his wife, because his psycho wife has called me several times and asked my "whore ass not to call her husband anymore or she will call the police." He is so dumb. it is like a game, he calls me leaves me a message that he needs to talk to me, makes up something dumb, so i call him back this one time and leave a message on his voicemail. Well then suddenly, psycho wife is calling me, because she called and checked his voicemails, threatening me and so on. So don't trust him as far as you can throw him at this point. Check up on him, you have a right to do that at this point after what he has done to you. Damn, MM need to either be MM or get divorced before they go off engaging in other relationships.
Guest Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 And my exMM, still calls me, and i save the messages sometimes, and think about playing them to his wife, because his psycho wife has called me several times and asked my "whore ass not to call her husband anymore or she will call the police." Being a Wife who was been cheated on, I urge you to call the Wife and tell her you have messages you want her to hear. If you are truely being honest with her, tell her. I know if my Husbands OW called me and was polite, told me not to hang up she wanted to tell me something important, I would listen. I would even respect you, because of the fact that you had true intentions and were being honest. I deserve to know if my husband is still in contact or cheating. I will gladly give him up!
AZKHO Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 I was just saying that MM's have a way of lying to make their wives believe anything they say. If the OW calls and tells the W that the MM is still calling her, than he will just say, oh she just wants me back, she is trying to make you leave me so that she can have me and its not gonna work...and so on. Putting it simply, MM's are very convinvcing when it comes to their wives, otherwise the would not be able to have an OW.
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 Eventually though at some point, you gotta trust. If you can't trust then the marriage might as well end in divorce.
Walking away Posted March 8, 2006 Posted March 8, 2006 MM's are the best damn liars in the world. They can persuade us and their wives to beleive whatever they want. I mean look at the lifestyle that we all live as OW. Miserable, secrative, almost shameful, not to mention sinful. And to answer your question, yes i think that he will call her. He broke the trust in the relationship, not to be trusted again. And my exMM, still calls me, and i save the messages sometimes, and think about playing them to his wife, because his psycho wife has called me several times and asked my "whore ass not to call her husband anymore or she will call the police." He is so dumb. it is like a game, he calls me leaves me a message that he needs to talk to me, makes up something dumb, so i call him back this one time and leave a message on his voicemail. Well then suddenly, psycho wife is calling me, because she called and checked his voicemails, threatening me and so on. So don't trust him as far as you can throw him at this point. Check up on him, you have a right to do that at this point after what he has done to you. Damn, MM need to either be MM or get divorced before they go off engaging in other relationships. Yep, I agree. It is amazing the devastation that some MM wreak in everyone's lives. I am one of the walking wounded right now. But, not for long. I, you, and everyone else in our shoes DESERVE to not hurt the way we have been hurt. And, okay, many will say it is our own fault, but many of us are kind, decent women who found themselves completely in over their heads. Perhaps our greatest flaws are our naivety and our romantic notions. But, we bleed just like everyone else.... If only some of these MM who cheat could read these posts, they may see what damage they are doing to the BS's and OW...
Guest Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 If only some of these MM who cheat could read these posts, they may see what damage they are doing to the BS's and OW... Please know that your advice that you posted above has concluded one affair and made a man go back to his family to work it out. I am the OW in the relation and I did show him this site and all of the posts etc. We came to an agreement after reading a lot of these posts together that our families were more important to us and have agreed to walk away, although heart broken, but knowing what is truly right in life. Thank you for your post!
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